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I love this idea and we're doing the same thing. We are also having a cheese tray and anti pasta tray for the cocktail hour. I think people will get plenty of food and love the variety. I told myself a long time ago that I would not let the mothers opinions change mine. They have both complained about certain things we're doing, but we didn't change a thing. This is YOUR wedding, they have had their days!
I haven't been to any wedding like this, but if done right, I am sure it will be fine. I suggest getting a list together of what you are thinking to serve with the amount of each serving for each item, then present that to both moms. hors d'oeuvres have come a very long way from what your mom's are probably thinking.
I have been to a wedding like this before and we were stuffed to the gills with food!
And...
We are also doing a reception like this. We're not into the sit-down dinner either because it's not our style. We're calling it a 'Strolling Reception.'
I've been to a reception like this and did not get enough to eat. It felt like I had a snack for dinner instead of a meal. If you do go this route, really make sure there is plenty of food for everyone!
@stephinPa-LOVE the strolling reception name. Super cute!
@sunnydebs-Can you give me anymore detail as to why it didnt work? Did they just have waiters walking around with trays or did they have stations as well? Thanks! I appreciate your honesty!
@noritake22-so very true about hors d'oeuvres coming along way from what our parents know! Our parents are both from Pittsburgh and have only been to very traditional weddings. We live in NYC now and are having a more untraditional urban loft wedding. I think they are having a hard time wrapping their heads around it!
I have been to a wedding like this, and while there were drinks and food aplenty, there weren't enough tables and chairs. You don't need to have one chair per person, but just enough to make sure that the elderly guests (and female guests in sky high shoes) have a chance to sit and take a breather! Standing for 4 or 5 hours gets tiring!
I've never been to one, but I've heard great things! I say go for it, everyone i know who has been to one loved it!
Instead of calling it heavy hor d'oeurves, call it tapas, and maybe they will buy in!
But seriously, you should do what YOU want- it's your day!
@nerdette-I totally agree about the seating. We will definitely have enough for people to sit! I want to have regular tables (not sure what shape/size yet) and then the loft comes with lounge furniture as well that we will use and then cocktal tables as well.....maybe bar stools with those. Not sure! Cute screen name btw!
I think as long as you are such that there will be enough food, you are fine. I think these types of receptions are unfairly lumped together in a category because for some, a non-sitdown-dinner means light appetizers which means hungry guests. Sounds like you guys have a great plan though, so I think it's fine! As a guest, I would be excited by this unique experience.
This is the type of reception we are doing. One way to maybe make your mothers feel better is to have a small plate brought out. Basically, we will have a small buffet with salads, cheeses and fruit, then several passed tapas, then the wait staff is bringing out small plates with three selections on each plate (in our case deer/portabello sliders, fingerling potatoes, and mac and cheese bites). This way, you guarantee that everyone will get a plate of food, on top of having a buffet and passed tapas. Just go with food that only requires a fork to maintain the atmosphere.
As a side note, consider a dessert buffet as well, it is a ton of fun, and it is shocking how much variety you can get for the price of a wedding cake.
I think it's really common for the older generations to reject new ideas, mostly bc they're probably never heard of it being done or never seen it done!
While I've never actually been to a wedding like this, I have no doubt that it can be tastefully and beautifully done, with guests leaving totally stuffed. I do like the idea of calling it Tapas instead of heavy hors dveoures and maybe you can find some examples online (like, on Style Me Pretty, Once Wed, MS Weddings, etc) to show your mom that it can be a great alternative to the traditional sit-down dinner...Go for it!
I have been to one wedding like this and we all definitely left full. There were passed hors d'oeuvres and stations, but it almost was more like a buffet than a just heavy appetizers. Pretty much everyone sat down to eat, which I think sort of undid the bride's whole intention of having just apps, only without assigned seating.
I think it definitely can work, but it would be best if you are working with a coordinator and caterer who have done something like this. While I don't think you need enough seats for everyone, there should be spots for people to rest their food while they are eating. maybe half cocktail height tables and half regular, that kind of thing. I should also say that while I thought it was just ok at the wedding we went to, my fiance says it was the best wedding he's ever been to, so it's a lot a matter of opinion.
In many parts of the south this type of wedding is traditional and sit down dinners are unusual. And southern weddings are fun!
Your plan sounds great! I love heavy hors d'oeuvres receptions... they are SO much more fun than sit-down dinners. I love the variety of foods and the lively, higher-energy atmosphere.
The key to pulling this off is having substantial food (i.e., cheese and crackers are fine for "light refreshments" receptions held outside of meal times, but nobody wants to fill up on that for dinner, no matter how plentiful). Think carved meats, pasta station, etc. All of this can be served small plate style to encourage mingling.
Thanks ladies! My anxiety has been lowered. hahaha. Sometimes I get myself so worked up about stuff!
We had a reception like this. We had so much food there that we were eating the leftovers for a month! I really preferred it to a sit-down dinner, because people could just pick up food when they got hungry (even as they arrived). Thus, no one had to wait in a line, or wait for waiters to bring the next course.
LOVE THIS IDEA!! My fiance and I are doing the same thing...went to a wedding last month like this and left full and happy :)
My sister had a wedding like this and it went very well. We were all fed - in fact the last couple of trays to come out barely got touched! I second the concerns re chairs though so it's good you've already thought of that. From a guest list of about 75 people I think there were less than 10 chairs (inside - there was more outside but it got cold) - *just* enough for the elderly and the rest of us to take turns, but still I didn't think it was quite enough.
We are planning on doing the same thing and I've been having the same kinds of freakouts (will people be confused about not having a sit down meal, will people get enough to eat). Glad I found this board to ease my mind a bit!
I went to my bosses wedding that was a potluck hors d'oeuvres dinner and it was fantastic! I asked him what the overall response was after the wedding and he said everyone had a blast and no one left hungry! That gave me some hope.
We are supplementing our food with a salad buffet and some heartier hors d'oeuvres choices. I think it will work out well, but I'll let you know in a month! We are planning on about 10-15 pieces per guest (in addition to the salad bar and stationed platters of fruit, veggies and a hummus bar).
We are doing the same thing! :) I have been to weddings like this and it was plenty to eat also. The foods we picked are super filling, and we still are having a salad, meats, and veggies, so I think well rounded, filling food.
I think its fine - the time of day plays a huge part in the food people expect. With a 5pm or later time I would expect a dinner - sit down or buffet. Any time in the morning or until 2 or 3pm I'd be fine with heavy snacks. Go for it!
I'm doing an 8pm "cocktail reception" with heavy hors d'oeuvres. I figure that the time is good, because if people are concerned about being hungry, they can eat dinner before coming for dancing (we're having a private ceremony at 3pm with just family and will have dinner with those folks at 4:30pm).
we were considering this for our wedding and the caterer told us just to make sure that you go heavy with the food. Most people going to a wedding depending on the time expect a dinner but if you put it on the invites saying Hors d'oeuvres to fallow ceremony then they expect not a sit down or buffet dinner. Thats what our wedding lady told us to do.
I love love love the idea of calling it tapas rather than heavy hors d'ourves!
I think it definately comes across better as small plates & variety. Heavy hors d'ourves can mean very different things to different people (even if it shouldn't).
its a ton of fun, but very rarely saves money. it can often be more expensive than a sit down because they usually charge per pieces of food ... like $2.50 - $4.50 each!
you could also do action stations - more food than just HDs. usually they have live chefs, and i dont mean like a carving station (boring). i mean like a made to order resoto bar, made to order gourmet mac n cheese, cold soups, bruchetta bar, same basic concept just larger bits of food, like mini plates rather than just a mouth full.
I went to a wedding like this and it was great. The only problem was that people didn't know there wouldn't be dinner and at first didn't eat the apps thinking they needed to save room for dinner. I would just make sure people know that you are serving apps and not "dinner".
Did you ask them specifically what they were worried about? My sister was (is?) considering doing this type of reception and my parents are REALLY against it. Here were the reasons why:
1) Quantity of food. Since it was over lunchtime they were worried there wouldn't be enough food, especially for guests travelling from far away. It sounds like you'll be fine here! Hors d'oevres just screams 'tiny amounts of food'. Calling it tapas as others suggested sounds great.
2) Type of food. My sister was thinking of having a pasta station, and if you're not having a sit-down then people will have a hard time eating that type of food.
3) Seating. They were worried about people carrying a plate in one hand, a drink in the other, and having no way to consume their food. Plus lots of people (not just old people!) like to sit when they eat or when they're tired etc.
It sounds like you have all of these areas covered and you're taking a lot into consideration. Find out exactly what their concerns are and then quash them, and you'll hopefully get them convinced!
Well we are definitely having an early evening into evening reception, sooooo the whole early afternoon/late evening thing wont work.
I do plan on having heavy tapas (i like that better too!) and somefun stations. The FI keeps talking about a carving station, but i am 100% NOT into that at all. I am thinking more along the lines of a mexi style station with diff options. maybe tacos and mini quesadillas etc... and some other stuff that I am not sure about! hahahaa. I am sure our WP will be able to map everything out for us.
This is going to cost us pretty much the same as a sit down dinner. We arent doing this to save $$$. Thank god!
@brianalaura my parents pretty much have the same worries. I will just have to prove them wrong :)
@cabanagrl9: We are doing a similar wedding... we want it to be fun and in our style. We are doing the open bar from 5-10, cocktail hour will be 5-6, then the "reception" will begin at 6 and end at 10. We just want a lot of dancing!! I can send you the food that we have selected if you are looking for ideas :)
Also, we are just doing a small cake with a dessert station that will include a choc. fondue with a wide assortment of foods to dip- just another idea!
The last two weddings I went to had this type of reception (and so will I) and there was more than enough food in both instances. I felt more satiated after those than after any sit-down wedding I've ever been to.
I am definately doing this! It lets people mingle more and is a more relaxed atmosphere. Also, here in the south this is the NORM. I have never been to a sitdown/buffet style here ever.
Here is my menu:
During Cocktail Hour:
Crispy Asparagus Straws wrapped with Prosciutto and Asiago
Mozzarella and Roma Tomato Crostini
(and one more we have yet to decide)
During Reception:
A culinary station with active chef carving tenderloin: Roasted Beef Tenderloin with Mayo, Dijon, Horseradish and Jezebel Sauce
Mashed Potatoes (chef makes it with the ingredients you want) with condiments of Garlic, shredded cheese, gravy and bacon bits
Marinated and Roasted Vegetables with Ranch and Basil aioli Dipping Sauces
Assorted Breads and Rolls
A low country Seafood Station with active chef sauteeing shrimp: Shrimp and grits, stone ground grits with tomato based shrimp sauce with peppers and onions with toppings of cheddar cheese, butter, green onion and bacon bits
Fried green tomatoes with pimento cheese and cajun remoulade
Sweet Potato and Buttermilk Biscuits and Honey
A pasta station with active chef cooking pasta to order:
Meditteranean Pasta with capers, garlic, basil, black olives, tomatoes and olive oil
Chicken spiral wrapped with spinach and feta with ginger dijon dipping sauce
Vietnames spring rolls with citrus dipping sauce
Mini quiche
and a variety of dips and spreads for late night consumption.
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Hi :) So fiance and I decided right off the bat that we dont want a sit down dinner. We have never been the biggest fans of this style (thought I have been to amazing sit down weddings!) and thought heavy hor d'oeurves would suit our personalities much better. Well we hired a wedding planner and she said that she has been to a lot of weddings of this style and everyone always gets more then enough food and the people always have a great time. Our DJ told us the same thing. Well my mom is really not loving the idea (neither is FI mom) and the negativity is making me doubt our choice. So here is where I need some advice:
1. Have you ever been to this type of wedding? Did you enjoy it? i.e. have enough food and thought it ran smoothly?
2. Have you ever been invited to this type of wedding and went into it skeptical, but left it a big fan????
This isnt something we are doing to save money either. It will end up costing about the same as a sit down. We plan on having the heavy apps and some food stations as well.
Thanks everyone!!!!!!!