Post # 1
I am Catholic and Fiance is Jewish. We are having a friend perform our ceremony and mixing both traditions throughout. We found a design and text for our ketubah, but Fiance would like the text in Hebrew as well as English. From my research it seems like some interfaith couples do this, but most don’t. I personally feel uncomfortable having Hebrew on it, and I know my parents would be very unhappy with it as well. At the same time, I understand that Fiance would want to represent his heritage with Hebrew text.
Has anyone gone through this dilemma and how did you resolve it?
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
My Fiance was also uncomfortable with it, so we just didn’t do it. The ‘Jewishness’ of a ketubah is just in the fact that you chose to have one; if you’ve got an interfaith text I don’t see what it would actually add. “Why not heiroglyphics?” is what Fiance said. I thought that was taking it a bit far, but it was meaningless to him and excluded him from the meaning of the document, so it didn’t seem right do. The short answer: ours is just in English.
Post # 4
Same thing with us- Fiance would have liked Hebrew on the Ketubah but we couldn’t make it happen. We ordered ours through ketubah.com (we got the same one as Spaniel- you made me fall in love with your gorgeous papercut ketubah, haha!) and even though they have several text options for different wordings, the one that we felt had the most meaning to the two of us was the Interfaith text, which comes in only English. You could try pleading your case that way 🙂
If Fiance must have Hebrew, you could explore the text versions that have both Hebrew and English. Some of the ones on ketubah.com are very nice.
Post # 5
I’m Jewish but my Fiance is not. We chose to have a ketubah without Hebrew because neither of us feel strongly about it and we’d rather make room on the document for everyone at the ceremony to sign their name in support of our union (kind of like the Quaker tradition). I’d have another conversation with your Fiance and explain why you’re uncomfortable with it and have him explain why he’d like to have it. Perhaps you can both help each other out by expressing how strongly you feel about this (1-10 scale or something like that?). I often have a conversation with my Fiance where one of us expresses an opinion but where we don’t necessarily feel very strongly about it and that’d be really important to know when making a decision like this.
Personally, if I were you, I’d ask myself why I’m uncomfortable with the Hebrew. If it’s just because of your parents then you might need to rethink your opinion. This is something that’s going to be on a wall in your house for the rest of your marriage and I’m sure they would be okay with it if you were okay with it. If they don’t like it then it’s really their problem. If you aren’t comfortable with it for other reasons then that’s different and it’d be good to explain them to Fiance so he’s aware.
Also, maybe you could consider getting a Ketubah where the Hebrew is actually incorporated into the artwork (like the characters make up part of a tree or something). It might not be as obvious but the Hebrew would still be a part of the document.
Post # 6
@spaniel – that’s very helpful, will try explaining to Fiance that way
@Miss Root – we could get the text both in Hebrew and English, I’m just not comfortable with having it because I think it excludes me and my family. Maybe I would feel differently if I weren’t religious.
Post # 7
I edited my original post but I would agree with hhausman and try to talk to your FI and try to figure out how important it is to him to have the Hebrew on it. If it’s, like, a 10 on the importance scale to him, then maybe try to find a compromise (I liked the idea of having the Hebrew incorporated into the artwork)
In any case, by merely having the ketubah, you are honoring the tradition. The important words are there even if they are just in English, and you will both be signing it with your officiant and you will hang it on your wall at home (I assume). The Hebrew is nice but I would try using that point in your discussion.