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Personally, I think that's awesome! But I've always wanted a ring that's been in the family, and luckily that's what I got too! My fiance proposed with his great grandma's ring, and actually said that it's ok for me to change the setting, but I would never want to do that. It's beautiful and has so much more meaning this way.
I encouraged FI to use a family ring for my engagement ring! I think it is unique and special and would love it!
I love the idea of a family ring, but I am biased... That's what I have!
I love this. A ring is a ring... but a ring with history is so special! You can have a choice in an anniversary ring somewhere down the line.
A ring is a ring...if you are really unhappy about it, maybe speak with your family and your fi about picking out a ring that is more your style...but step carefully, feelings will be hurt :S
Maybe you can hold out for an anniversary ring that is really special? Or wear it around your neck and just wear your wedding band (after the wedding of course)
Thank you everyone for your comments and I welcome any more perspectives.
I'm not really upset - I had no actual expectations, and getting a proposal was the most beautiful moment of my life. I just felt like it was the norm these days to choose it out together, but on the other hand it was a gift that didn't put him in debt for which I am grateful.
The ring itself is different from my usual style, which makes it unique in that sense.
And I guess the last question is - a gifted ring probably made a proposal possible, right? I shouldn't feel funny because it was my mom?
No, not at all! If anything you should feel happy that your mother loves and trusts your FI to give him the ring to give to you!
I'm biased here because I got a family heirloom as well, but I think they're absolutely lovely. I don't know that there's any "norm" these days for anything wedding related!
My ring wasnt handed down to me, but we didn't pick it out or even HINT about what style ring I wanted. I don't think there is a "norm" to any part of the ring-getting processes! I don't think it's weird either if it's from your mom
I would love to have an heirloom ring. Something about a piece of history on your finger is just so special!!
I think it's great that your ring is a family ring. If it's not your style, maybe you could talk to your mom to see how she'd feel about you putting it in another setting, one that IS more your style. That way, it's still from family, but it's you too!
I love my heirloom stone more than anything he could have bought new. It's so symbolic, especially since we chose a new setting for it together, which made it completely mine.
my ring is an heirloom! I loved the original setting, but it was old and no longer reliable to hold the diamond, so I had it reset. So I get the heirloom and my own ring. The best of both worlds!
i would love it too!! my son actually will have one as well. he is getting my mother's pear shaped diamond (1.16 carats) and he'll get the art deco sapphire that his father bought for me when we were engaged... she'll have her diamond and her something blue
I think it's great when heirloom jewelry is handed down. I'd love to have something like that from my mom.
But, that being said, I'm too picky for that and my taste is much too modern and unusual for anything any of our families had. Not that I wouldn't have happily accepted one, but it was never in the picture so I was always told to go pick out what I wanted. And I do like that my husband bought it for me, and while i love things from my mom, i felt like an engagement ring should come from him since he could afford it (and he said he would have felt too weird taking something of my family's, so it wouldn't have been ok for us...he was really adamant that he must buy it for me, so i never even began to argue!) But, if I'd had the opportunity for an heirloom ring, that's not to say I wouldn't have been thrilled with it. It just was never in the cards for us. Stone, yes, setting, no, likely not.
If you dont like it (which you've said isn't the case) that's a different story....I don't ever want to feel like i have to wear anything I don't like, just b/c it came from whoever it did, and he knew that.
I wanted to wear an heirloom ring for as long as I can remember-- first it was my grandmother's, then my mom's, and now it's mine! My fiance proposed with a different ring, as it was a surprise proposal and we hadn't even talked at all about marriage (we'd only been together nine months). Had I know it was coming, I would've just told him to save his money-- although I love the one he gave me for my other hand.
I think it's very romantic to be wearing the same ring my grandmother wore forty-plus years ago, and the ring my mother wore for twenty-plus years.
Heirloom.jpg (59.2 KB, 63 downloads) 2 years old
i'm still in the waiting stage, but my bf has told me he'll be giving me an heirloom diamond from his family, and that he wants to pick the setting! i'm really, really excited that it's heirloom--i think it's so meaningful and gets around all the ethical diamond industry issues that might worry me, and, practically speaking, saves us so much money. and i think it's totally sweet that he wants to choose the setting....although i really want to help with that part! i think it would so fun to go try on rings, especially since we wouldn't be pressured to buy since we have the stone. i'm kind of surprised he doesn't want my input, since he always asks my opinion over his clothes, but, oh well! no matter what, i know it will be beautiful and so, so meaningful!
That sounds wonderful, especially that your mom wanted him to have a special ring to give you. I wouldn't worry that he proposed because he had a ring - from your story, he got it because he told your mom that he wanted to marry you. Congrats on the engagement, by the way! I'd love to see photos of the ring or hear what you end up doing.
I would LOVE an heirloom ring :-) My MIL actually offered her mother's original set to my husband when she first found out he was going to propose - he said said no! Granted he had a beautiful set made for me, but I thought the offer from his mother was so sweet :-) I wear my grandmother's engagement ring on my right hand - I received it when she passed away. I would have loved to use that for my engagement ring, but husby thought the diamond wasn't large enough
Thanks again, and I really welcome any and all comments still! It's sort of therapuetic to hear others' encouragement.
The diamond is cut in a manner that I've never ever seen before - part of the shock of the initial proposal was "What shape of diamond is that?!" It's set as a solitaire in yellow gold (not my favorite, and some areas don't appear to be yellow - strange), but I'm not sure what other options there are for a different setting, especially since we couldn't afford more stones.
Strange new world, this engaged/ring business!
ringimage.jpg (24.1 KB, 53 downloads) 2 years old
I took a second to look at the "Show off your ring" thread and boy - my ring looks so plain now.
No way! I think your ring is beautiful. Personally I'm not a fan of fussier/overly detailed rings, I would love to get a ring like yours - it's very elegant and graceful.
Many couples do choose together, but a lot don't, as well. There's no standard way to do it - whatever works for you guys. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get to pick my ring, but I guess I've at least had time to prepare myself and love whatever I get. It sounds like it might've been a surprise for you and you're still adjusting your expectations? Did you have your heart set on something else?
If you don't like the yellow gold, it is a simple and inexpensive process to have it dipped in Rhodium (this is the same metal used to plate platinum rings). You will have to have it replated every few years as the yellow will eventually show through, but it's one way of making the rign your own without ruining it.
Miss Velveteen - I think you hit it on the head. Although I'm not sure what those expectations are, for some reason they haven't quite settled yet with reality, which ultimately makes me feel SO guilty for being ungrateful. I think at one point he had asked me my preferences and I had chosen things.
I love that my ring is passed down from an awesome successful marriage. How much more meaningful could it get? Then again, I am not a jewelry person and I am pleased my ring is small and plain.
One thing you can do is take the diamond out and use it in a different setting. Your mom may be totally okay with that, and the diamond is the most expensive thing about an engagement ring!
Cherish it! Your ring is beautiful and you have a good looking diamond! To me it looks somewhat like an oval cut which is very beautiful but I can only tell slightly from the side. You can always reset it to your liking and not spend a lot of money. I am a huge fan of the solitare setting. Sometimes less really is more! You can always play it up with your wedding band.
I, since I was a little girl, wanted my moms ring that my dear Grandmother made for her that had her diamonds from her ER and wedding band and her husbands wedding band who was killed in WWII, she set it into a a beautiful ring all togethor. My Mom treated my GMA with no respect or love, was very selfish and I adored my Grandma and always had a love and respect for my Grandfather even though I never knew him. Well, my Mother, pawned it and 20 years later, I still hold onto that in anger. If I had that ring I would cherish it and pass it on to my daughter or grandaughter.
I would have LOVED an heirloom ring! We didn't have any in my family :( However, I'm also happy that I got to pick out something I adore, so I get to see both sides of the story.
Coconut, I think your ring is beautiful!! I think the idea of resetting the stone is a good one, or just make sure you pick out your dream wedding band :) The stone looks gorgeous and that's the most important part, in my opinion!
Oh how romantic! I know you said that the yellow gold looked a little strange; have you looked into having it dipped in white gold or something like that? My sorority sister's husband used her mother's engagement ring...but he had it dipped in white gold because the original setting was yellow and he didn't think it was "her." The ring looked great - brand new...and it was "hers," as well as being an heirloom! I thought that was really sweet.
@coconutmellie--even if everybody else loves the idea of an heirloom ring, it sounds like you don't love this particular heirloom. I think you should do what feels right to you. I can definitely understand how you feel ungrateful by wanting to speak up that it's not really your taste, but if you really don't love the ring, it's also a bad feeling to be kind of bummed out whenever you look at it. How would your mom feel about you choosing a new setting, but using her original diamond?
@ MissGreen - oh wow, I'd be pretty upset at that too! What a touching history to your Grandmother's ring, I'm so sorry :(
coconutmellie - don't feel bad for being disappointed/thrown. I think you should be honest with yourself, and see if you can figure out what the root of your feelings is. I also think you should give it some time - a week or two - and let your emotions settle down (I mean, you just got engaged!! Congratulations! That's awesome. Plus who knows, you might come to love the ring?) and then see how you're feeling. If you would still honestly prefer something else then maybe you could suggest resetting it, or something. Do your think your fi and/or mother would be upset if you suggested that?
I've begun the process of considering another setting - talking to my mother, seeing what she says. I feel like placing the diamond in another ring (all I would want is a white gold solitaire that would stack well with my wedding band) would be a waste of good gold and... would be defeating the purpose of "heirloom." I'm not sure - I don't get a comfortable feeling about it.
But I'm starting to talk to her about it - I have no idea how I'm going to be able to stack my wedding ring with the current setting - the prongs stick out quite a bit due to its unique shape. I wonder how I can manage to find a band...
Another strange thing - I bet few have this problem- I have no information about the diamond. I don't know any of the 4 C's, not even how many carats. Do I want to know? Or will I just get a complex over it?
An heirloom ring is very special and meaningful. My mother decided to give me her pear center stone from her engagement ring and my grandmother even offered her marquise center stone from her engagement ring. It was so sweet that they both offered, and I had not one, but two choices of stones. I ended up choosing my mother's stone only because even though the marquise was a larger stone, it had a little chip in it. I ended up setting the pear shaped stone in a micro pave setting with paves on the band. I absolutely love it! I guess this is my something "old" I am wearing for my wedding. Resetting my mother's stone also saved my fiance big, big bucks too. He avoided having to finance a ring, so he's happy.
we chose together but only because there were no rings to be passed down! so we went to a jeweler than specializes in estate jewelry. your ring is gorgeous and you are lucky that your mom would give her blessing to your guy by giving him the ring to ask you!
Ok!
I spoke with my mother regarding the ring and changing the setting or color and she was actually uncomfortable with the suggestion. I didn't hurt her feelings, but I felt like if I pushed the issue I would.
So, it seems like I will have to settle for the yellow, and thus a yellow wedding band. I've never liked yellow, but maybe I can convince myself that this is a very special ring, etc. I haven't found a yellow or two-tone that I've liked at all :<
I think a ring that has a history behind it is incredibly romantic!
Why don't you have it dipped like someone mentioned above? It's the same ring at that point.
And your mother's feelings on it shouldn't dictate what you wear. She gave it to your Fi to give to you. and if you don't like it, YOU DON'T LIKE IT. Plain and simple.
Do you know what specifically you would prefer? I would have it plated if you want white gold. I wouldn't want yellow at all, either.
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What are your emotional reactions to the following scenario?
Girlfriend's mother invites young boyfriend, still a student, to her home for tea and some heart-to-heart. It is enjoyable.
Young man tells mother that he wishes to marry girlfriend. Mother says, "I have something for you then."
Months later, young man presents girlfriend with mother's engagement ring and a proposal of his own. Girlfriend was surprised and thrilled.
Background: Young man is shy, sensitive guy, and has dated girlfriend for 10 years. Girlfriend had no choice in the ring, but does it really matter?