Post # 1
What are your emotional reactions to the following scenario?
Girlfriend’s mother invites young boyfriend, still a student, to her home for tea and some heart-to-heart. It is enjoyable.
Young man tells mother that he wishes to marry girlfriend. Mother says, “I have something for you then.”
Months later, young man presents girlfriend with mother’s engagement ring and a proposal of his own. Girlfriend was surprised and thrilled.
Background: Young man is shy, sensitive guy, and has dated girlfriend for 10 years. Girlfriend had no choice in the ring, but does it really matter?
Post # 3
Personally, I think that’s awesome! But I’ve always wanted a ring that’s been in the family, and luckily that’s what I got too! My fiance proposed with his great grandma’s ring, and actually said that it’s ok for me to change the setting, but I would never want to do that. It’s beautiful and has so much more meaning this way.
Post # 4
I encouraged FI to use a family ring for my engagement ring! I think it is unique and special and would love it!
Post # 5
I love the idea of a family ring, but I am biased… That’s what I have!
Post # 6
I love this. A ring is a ring… but a ring with history is so special! You can have a choice in an anniversary ring somewhere down the line.
Post # 7
A ring is a ring…if you are really unhappy about it, maybe speak with your family and your fi about picking out a ring that is more your style…but step carefully, feelings will be hurt :S
Maybe you can hold out for an anniversary ring that is really special? Or wear it around your neck and just wear your wedding band (after the wedding of course)
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for your comments and I welcome any more perspectives.
I’m not really upset – I had no actual expectations, and getting a proposal was the most beautiful moment of my life. I just felt like it was the norm these days to choose it out together, but on the other hand it was a gift that didn’t put him in debt for which I am grateful.
The ring itself is different from my usual style, which makes it unique in that sense.
And I guess the last question is – a gifted ring probably made a proposal possible, right? I shouldn’t feel funny because it was my mom?
Post # 9
No, not at all! If anything you should feel happy that your mother loves and trusts your FI to give him the ring to give to you!
I’m biased here because I got a family heirloom as well, but I think they’re absolutely lovely. I don’t know that there’s any “norm” these days for anything wedding related!
Post # 10
My ring wasnt handed down to me, but we didn’t pick it out or even HINT about what style ring I wanted. I don’t think there is a “norm” to any part of the ring-getting processes! I don’t think it’s weird either if it’s from your mom
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - Catholic ceremony, reception at local armory
I would love to have an heirloom ring. Something about a piece of history on your finger is just so special!!
Post # 12
I think it’s great that your ring is a family ring. If it’s not your style, maybe you could talk to your mom to see how she’d feel about you putting it in another setting, one that IS more your style. That way, it’s still from family, but it’s you too!
Post # 13
I love my heirloom stone more than anything he could have bought new. It’s so symbolic, especially since we chose a new setting for it together, which made it completely mine.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2009 - Cathedral of the Sacred Heart & The Jefferson Hotel
my ring is an heirloom! I loved the original setting, but it was old and no longer reliable to hold the diamond, so I had it reset. So I get the heirloom and my own ring. The best of both worlds!
Post # 15
i would love it too!! my son actually will have one as well. he is getting my mother’s pear shaped diamond (1.16 carats) and he’ll get the art deco sapphire that his father bought for me when we were engaged… she’ll have her diamond and her something blue
Post # 16
I think it’s great when heirloom jewelry is handed down. I’d love to have something like that from my mom.
But, that being said, I’m too picky for that and my taste is much too modern and unusual for anything any of our families had. Not that I wouldn’t have happily accepted one, but it was never in the picture so I was always told to go pick out what I wanted. And I do like that my husband bought it for me, and while i love things from my mom, i felt like an engagement ring should come from him since he could afford it (and he said he would have felt too weird taking something of my family’s, so it wouldn’t have been ok for us…he was really adamant that he must buy it for me, so i never even began to argue!) But, if I’d had the opportunity for an heirloom ring, that’s not to say I wouldn’t have been thrilled with it. It just was never in the cards for us. Stone, yes, setting, no, likely not.
If you dont like it (which you’ve said isn’t the case) that’s a different story….I don’t ever want to feel like i have to wear anything I don’t like, just b/c it came from whoever it did, and he knew that.