Hello and help!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

So, the children, are they a priority to you, or what? Met online four months ago, custody agreements in different countries, yet you think this will work somehow? I think your relationship is destined for penpal status. Sorry. Ps. Take care of the kids.

Post # 3
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think you should let this relationship go (and cross your fingers that there isn’t another child that will be involved). 

Post # 4
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If both sets of children (yours and his) have good relationships with their other parent, wouldn’t it be cruel to move them across the ocean and keep them from having a relationship with one of their parents? I understand your happiness is important too however your DS has the right to have a relationship with his father — depriving him of that would be very selfish and I think your child would resent you in the future. If there is another baby in the mix I think that makes it 100% harder because no matter what you end up doing one of your children will be deprived of an everyday relationship with their father. As hard as it is I think you need to put the needs of your child before your desire to be with this new man. 

Post # 5
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Ugh. No easy answers here. But when you decided to have children this is what you signed up for. Your daughter is lucky her father wants to be in her life and you have no right to take her away from him. Ditto for your boyfriend and his daughters. This is what it means to be a parent: putting your kids FIRST.

Post # 7
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Why on earth would you bring another kid into this?? 

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: mountain venue

unless you can get your daughters dad to move to the u.s. no matter how you slice it, pursuing this man is just cruel to all the children involved.

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You had (presumably) unprotected sex with a man you barely know in another country without knowing if you’d be able to bring your current child with you should you choose to move there?

Post # 10
Member
1083 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

WrongSideOfTheOcean:  Four months of talking online and ONE WEEK of happiness does not outweigh your child’s happiness and stability. Not even close. However, clever you, have decided to try to get pregnant with this stranger’s kid so you can use that child as leverage to move your current child away from her, seemingly loving, dad. I assume that this is the scenario you imagined when you thought a new baby could make this situation easier. Because honestly, I don’t see how getting pregnant right now would make your situation easier except for that scenario.

Ridiculous that you are a mature woman with responsibilities to another human being and are even considering some of these actions. Stop being so selfish.

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I’m afraid that until both of your kids are old enough to be on their own, the only right thing to do is to continue your relationship long-distance. If you are both truly meant to be together, you will be when the time is right. Uprooting your kids (either yours or his) would be devastating to them and they should be your priority.

Post # 13
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

I would rush into getting married. Enjoy being together and plan to marry when you guys figure out living arrangements! 4 months is not a long time, specially to be definate if you want to be with someone forever.

Post # 14
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Sorry but I wouldn’t choose to be away from my child for the whole school year to be with someone that I have only known for four months and I would absolutely not agree to have my child in a different country for half the year.

Post # 15
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

WrongSideOfTheOcean: So you would sacrifice a daily relationship with your child to be with this man? Who’ve you known for less than half a year? And met once? Sorry, your extra details do not tip the scales in your favor. Why do you need to rush into marriage with this man? 

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