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Have the smaller ceremony with closest friend and family followed by a nice dinner. THen throw a big party for all the rest. When sending invites for the bigger party the invite should state that you were married earlier that week/month/year in a small private ceremony but that you ask them to join you for a celebration.
We started out wanting a small wedding (around 70 people max) and the guest list blossomed to 150 once his parents got involved. In the end, there were around 105 people there and it was great.
It seems like you have already been compromising with each other on some of the details...looks like you'll have to continue down that road.
My advice to you is that there are many ways to create an intimate feel for a wedding even if you have a large guest list. Perhaps if you work toward making it feel more intimate, your FI will be more accepting of the larger guest list.
I totally identify with this! We went through so many permutations of our ceremony & reception before finally deciding that it nearly drove me crazy. We mulled over small/large, destination/local, etc. etc. etc.
At the end of the day, we took a little time off from planning (we have had an 18 month engagement so we could do this without too much trouble) and really thought about what was important to us. When we took the pressure off, we were able to realize that we wouldn't be happy if we didn't have our entire family and friends there to celebrate with us. The way we realized this is because we kept coming back to the fact that we wanted a reception no matter how we held the ceremony, and this indicated to us that it was very important to celebrate with everyone. So we heeded this instinct, and are planning a ceremony/reception with our friends and family.
You have to go with your heart, but the best way to figure out what your heart is saying (because all of the wedding noise can drown it out!) might be just to step back and evaluate your true priorities. Sit down with your fiance, and make an actual list of what you MUST have vs. what you're wiling to sacrifice. If he's not into the venue that you've selected, help him articulate why and ask if he has any suggestions.
Hang in there, and good luck! 
I hope for you that he can work past not wanting to be the center of attention, just for the day. Have you really expressed how important some of these things are to you? It sounds like you are trying to be really considerate of him. But he should conceed some, too.
You could also do some things to cut down on the fanfare. Like you could do your first dance for a minute, then invite the wedding party to join. That way it's not like he's out there on stage with everyone stairing at him. You can make sure the cake cutting is short and sweet, instead of all face smooshing and stuff. Maybe don't have a receiving line. Don't have the DJ make a big deal announcing you into the reception (Ie. skip the music and NBA game theatrics.)
Not sure that helped. Good luck.
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My FH and I are having a hard time deciding on a place for a reception. we both liked the idea of having a destination wedding but my grandma will not be able to travel and I just cannot have a wedding without her there. SOO.. we talked about having a wedding close to home .. he would prefer small but my family is large and I cannot invite one without inviting another (am talking close family not extended cousins and stuff). I made up a guest list of 100 which includes my family, his family and our closest friends. Now the problem is that we can't agree on a venue. I found one that I LOVE , gardens and great atmosphere, and is within our budget. He isn't crazy about it but offers no suggestion and alot of other places are just too expensive.
What do I do.?? He is not one to be the center of attention so he loves the idea of a small wedding. I thought about maybe having a small ceremony someplace nice within drving distance where my mom and grandma and my dad and his parents can attend and then just have a low key party when all is said and done but not sure if I am crazy about that. I want a wedding day with my friends and music nd great food. doesn't have to be grand just special... any adivce?????