Post # 1
Hello fellow bees! I have a stickY situation, and I need help/advice.
The man who would have been the best man in our wedding commited suicide two years ago. It was devistating for both my fiance and I, and it took a lot to be able to move on from it.
Without going too much further into that, my wedding is Sept. 20th, 2013. My fiance wants to leave a blank place setting at our table for our departed friend in rememberance of him. He says that this is unnegotiable, and it will happen.
It is not that I do not want to remember him in some way at our wedding, I do, but not with an empty place setting that will squish us all together, and create unwanted questions from guests.
I have thought about having a rememberance table with his picture, along with other loved ones who have passed on (our grandfathers) pictures on it, but he does not like that idea.
I have thought about perhaps hanging his picture from the end of the table.
Basically, what I am asking you all, is for other ideas of how we can remember him without leaving a blank space at our table. Looking at our table with a blank space all night will make me sad and it will frankly look odd in our photos.
Any ideas bees? I want more ammo before I talk to him about changing his mind.
Post # 3
I think the most important thing is that I think your guy should get the final say in this. He was going to be his best man. They were obviously very close. And it’s his wedding too. So while I think it’s fine to offer up other solutions to see if he’s interested, if you get through all your ideas and he doesn’t like any of them, respect his wishes and leave a seat open.
Some other options (and there’s no reason you can’t do multiple things!)
- Lighting a candle during the ceremony
- Mentioning him (and anyone else who has passed) in the ceremony
- Print a picture of him on fabric and pin/sew it into the inside of your guy’s jacket
- Set off a balloon or lantern for him
- Pick something physcial that you remember about him (his favorite food, song, team, color, etc) that you can work into the wedding
Post # 4
You don’t get to dictate how others grieve…sorry
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@JenGirl: +1…I also think that if your Fiance feels strongly about this, that you should leave that empty space. It sounds like he wants to feel as if his best bud is next to him on his Big Day. I think it is fair and honorable to respect his wishes. You may think the pictures will look odd, but he may think they will look great, as if his best buddy is in that empty space.
Post # 6
@JenGirl: Agreed, it’s his friend and I think you should support his choice in this.
Post # 7
I would let him make the final call, pictures and etc. are important, but he is more important. I would definitely bring some other ideas to the table (we’re doing the photos, as you mentioned, the flowers the person would’ve had as my Maid/Matron of Honor, and a moment of silence in our ceremony) but remember, this is BOTH of your guys wedding so he should have final say since it means so much.
Post # 9
i actually have seen a wedding where they have left any empty seat at the head table for a groomsman that had recently passed.
Post # 8
Yeah, I agree, I think you need to let this one go. Could you maybe put his picture on the blank seat so people know what it is for, and it won’t look as weird in the photos.
Post # 10
i disagree. i think that there are other ways of remembering your friend, rather than a seat being left empty.
for me that would sort of make me notice MORE that he wasnt there, and would stir up feelings of sadness that as i wish he was there on our wedding day, but with a big gaping hole in the bridal table where he should have been just reiterates that he isnt there. its sorta depressing.
its your wedding day – granted its BOTH you and your fiancees wedding day, but i would want it to be filled with happiness and not a big constant reminder that our loved friend isnt there.
Id be much more inclined to do some of the other options mentioned above.
just my opinion.
Post # 11
I totally understand why you are uncomfortable with this. While I think you can make suggestions to your Fiance about other ways to remember his friend, I think you should bend on this one and let him have the final say on it if he absolutely does not want to do anything else. I am on the fence whether or not to just give in or if you should be able to have a say too but leaning towards giving him his thing. Talk with him about it and see how he might feel that day and if that place setting will make it better or worse. You certainly don’t want him getting upset during dinner sitting next to an empty place setting.