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more by cgonnuscio89

help!!

posted 2 years ago in Portland, Oregon

Member

4 posts

Wannabee

cgonnuscio89 may 29, 2010 oregon

My fiancée an i are perfect for each other, but his family ohhh boy I don’t ever feel good for them its like they don’t care what he wants in life they only care about how they feel. they keep a lot of stuff that i need to know away for me so i have to go through my fiancée just to get anything. Then it starts a huge fight between us because he wants me to just let things be and I’m not that kind of person. I cant count how many times I have gone home crying because of them. But I love him so much it just gets harder to deal with his mother and his sister. His sister tries to find anything out about me and talk so much trash about me to her friends and distant family that its hard for me to even be around his distant family because of her. And his mother just makes him feel like the black sheep in the family come to think of it his dad does it too… I know if I marry him I’m marrying the family….. What do I do?

2 years ago

Member

119 posts

Blushing bee

beffielou NC- Triad Area

Above all, communication is key. Re: your FI-- if he is serious about your marriage, from here on out, you two are a team. He has to realize that his role is to advocate for you and let his family know how committed he is to making your relationship work. But importantly, you will need to recognize that all of this conflict is hard on him as well. If there are things that can slide, let them. Not every battle is worth fighting--- especially at the expense of your FI's well being. For the important stuff, stand your ground but do so diplomatically. The worst thing you can do is buy into their drama or stoop to their level. Everyone loses in that situation.

Whenever there is family drama, my new husband reminds me that we are our own family now. That nice thought always helps too! :o) Good luck with your difficult situation. (hugs)

2 years ago