I just went to my cousin’s wedding on the weekend.. he didn’t invite his mother, father, younger sister and 2 brothers due to family dramas. Basically my younger female cousin assumed she would be a bridesmaid when her brother and fiancé got engaged but the bride didn’t want her to be one so ever since my cousin who wanted to be bridesmaid has manipulated her whole immediate family into hating my cousin’s wife. My cousin who got married obviously took the side of his wife and will not speak to any of his immediate family because of how they disrespect his wife and don’t accept her. My aunty has been crying a lot over it all because her son wont return any phone calls and texts etc.. but she has made comments like “I will be at his next wedding because this one isn’t going to last”.
My immediate family and I do not want to be involved or take sides.. we went to the wedding because we wanted to be there to support them because they have never done anything wrong to us and by not going it would look as though we didn’t support them.
So here’s the predicament…One of the older brothers of my cousin who got married asked my fiancé to call him and basically said that if we invite him and his wife to our wedding then they may not come as my uncle may physically attack his son if they’re in the same room together. So he is basically putting us in a situation where we are expected to choose sides. It is so not fair as the war going on between them all has nothing to do with us and they’ve gone and dragged us into it. I don’t want to not invite anyone because by doing so it tells one side that we’ve taken the other’s side and I don’t want family turning against me and my fiancé when we have done nothing wrong.
My cousin who got married lives overseas so there may be the likelihood they won’t even come to our wedding but I want to at least invite them since we were invited to theirs. My fiancé and I are going over to my mum’s tonight to talk about it I just don’t know what we are supposed to do and I feel sick to my stomach stressing about it :(
I would invite everyone and let them figure things out for themselves. This sounds like such a ridiculous fight! Hopefully it will come to an end soon. You wedding is a year away, so perhaps they'll fix the relationship before then?
It is on them if they act badly at your wedding, not on you. So put it back onto them by inviting everyone. Then it's up to them to figure themselves out.
Do not choose sides!
I dont know what YOU should do but I know what I would do and that is not invite any of them. My rule is if you start drama, demand everything be your way, or whine alot you aren't invited. I have started to feel like life is to short so why deal with other people's garbage.
You are in a sucky situation but hopefully things will have calmed down by then and they can all act like adults. If not then tell them look these are my criteria for inviting people, do you think you fit them? No drama, No martyrdom, no whining!
It's your wedding. I think you should invite who ever you and your fiance want to invite and let your relatives decide on their own whether or not they will attend your wedding. If they can't look past their own differences to celebrate the love that you & your fiance share, and decide not to attend your wedding then it is their loss.
Invite everyone, and refuse to be blackmailed into not inviting anyone. Sit the warring parties well apart. Tell anyone who makes threats (before the wedding) that you expect them to behave or not attend.
Lots of people go through a kind of similar thing with divorced parents.
Invite who you and FI want, it is your day. If anyone were to get out of hand they can be escorted out. Remind them this is a celebration and not a war. If either one wants to no go then that is on them not you. Your wedding your guests, of course that is only my opinion.
Like PPs are saying, invite everyone. They're adults and can figure it out. Tell your cousin (the brother of the one whose wedding you went to) that you're not getting involved, you love all of them, and that they need to work it out between themselves. You can point out that your other cousin probably won't come since they're overseas.
Anyone who wants to make themselves the most important part of your wedding day isn't worth negotiating with, and by saying "me being there is so important that you should change your guestlist for the pleasure of my company" they are saying they're more important than you are. Don't enable it. Sorry that you're going through this :( In the end, your cousin's parents are going to be so miserable that they didn't go to their son's wedding over something stupid, and they'd be miserable that they didn't go to your wedding over the same stupid thing, and it'll be their loss if they don't go more than it will be your loss.
Thanks everyone. I think to invite all of them and let them work it out is the best way to go. That way they can't turn it around on us to pick sides and they can deal with their stupid war I will just sit them far apart if they both end up coming. It will say a lot about them if they decide not to come just to make a point to my cousin and his wife but at the end of the day it would most likely be for the best anyway. I just hope if they all come that they keep to themselves and don't start a big fight or something and embarrass us infront of everyone oh well guess that's the risk we have to take.. So childish!
I say invite them, and if the can't behave like adults that's there problems. You and your SO are planning a wedding not playing refferee, it's not your job to take sides. If they can't put aside their issues to celebrate this great thing happening in your life well then...they're not exactly the guests I'd like to have. But it's all up to you and you SO on how to deal with it. Make the desicion you're gonna be happy with years down the line.
I would invite my whole family and tell them ALL in no uncertain terms that a) I am not getting in the middle of their family feud, b) they can act like f**king mature adults, c) I am not repsonsible for being their emotion police, and d) this is non-negotiable. Probably in kinder words, but in very clear terms.
But then, I have no patience for this kind of shit. :/ You may want to take a more tactful route.
I agree with inviting them all. If they can't get their shit together to attend a celebration for a family member, screw them, If you're not taking sides, don't do it here either. Your cousin did nothing to you, you went to their wedding to support them - give them that same opportunity. If your uncle/aunt can't accept that, oh well, they're loss and less drama for you on your special day. Plus like another PP said - maybe it'll all be blown over in a year anyhow. Let's hope!
Invite everyone you want to invite. If they don't want to go because someone they're fighting with is going then that's their loss I guess.
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