(Closed) Help :(

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
842 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@HeartofGlass:  Was he always like this, or did this type of behaviour begin after all the loss he endured? I don’t think it’s okay for him to treat you that way no matter which is the case but it’s different if he was always like this.
I think you both need to see a therapist together – not just for relationship advice but also for help dealing with such tremendous loss.

Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It is incrediby stressful to lose close family members. But him treating you as a child is not good.  He sounds very controlling and that would drive me bonkers. Unless this is new stress-related behavior, I am afraid this may be what you may have to deal with after you get married and it sounds like you would be totally mserable. I would highly recommend counseling for both of you.

Post # 6
Member
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@HeartofGlass:  I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. That’s a lot to deal with!! And your FI experienced some traumatic losses. Has he considered talking to someone? That’s a lot for him to deal with and it sound like he’s not handling it well – and rightfully so. I can’t imagine losing so many close family members in one year before my wedding.

Post # 8
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Do you think maybe he feels like he is in a parental role if he is covering a majority of the expenses? I would definiately have an open conversation about money on top of discussing house hold work.

 

Post # 10
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It sounds like the two of you could use couple’s counseling.

It doesn’t sound like you agree over money or chores or how to handle disagreements. These are major issues. Before getting married, I think it’s pertinent that you work those things out.

ETA: Sex is also a very huge issue to disagree on. Again, I suggest counseling.

 

Post # 13
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you both love each other, but have some major differences and a different worldview. I don’t think that has to equal the end of a relationship if both parties are willing to compromise. But you both have to be willing to compromise and you both have to find a medium that you are happy with.

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Rarely am I ever on the “dump him” bandwagon, but you guys sound like you really need to take a good, hard look at where this relationship is going and how you will be treating each other in the future. He obviously feels that his needs aren’t being met (with regards to housework and sex, at least), and you’re basically being emotionally and financially abused by the man you’re about to marry. Sure, it’s hard when one person makes more than the other, but that doesn’t mean he can make you his slave, simply because he pays more rent or bills than you!

As other posters have said, if this is a recent thing for him (after so many losses in the family), then he definitely needs counselling. If, however, this is how he has always been (even if it’s just been gradually getting worse), put the whole relationship on hold and reassess whether you actually want to be with someone that may possibly treat you this way for the rest of your life.

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