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posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Personal assistant?  Somebody buy this lady a clue.  That was very rude and uncalled for on her part.  You don’t get a whole month to get married.  If she wants to have weekly events, she also has to understand that people might not be able to make it to any or all of them.  Factor in that your sister and other friend are getting married that month too, that’s a lot!  Politely decline and try not to worry about.  Maybe she has crazy bride brain, but that in no way justifies her response.

Post # 4
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@shurbert02:  What I would do is talk to her again.  Explain, calmly, that you don’t want to be relegated to the lesser role of “personal assistant” but ask for her consideration and understanding about your sister’s wedding, too.  Tell her you will do your best to participate and help as her bridesmaid but your sister deserves the same consideration. 

Give her the benefit of the doubt that her suggestion for you to be “personal assistant” was to help lessen the burden and stress on you; she may feel your sister’s wedding is more important to you. 

Talk it out and see if you can work something out that makes everyone happy, especially YOU.

Post # 5
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

are you being downgraded from BM to personal assistant?  i would step down from your “friend.”

 

Post # 6
Member
10986 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@shurbert02:  I would respond by saying something along the lines of, “I am so honored that you asked me to be a bridesmaid in your wedding, and I very much was looking forward to standing with you on your big day.  However, if you are requiring that your bridesmaids be available for a host of other events throughout May of next year — and you seem to be saying that by having suggested that I be your assistant instead, I think it may be best for me to step down and to plan to attend your wedding as a guest.”

Despite the number of posts I see regarding this issue, and the fact that my own wedding was just four years ago, I continue to be amazed that brides today seem to expect their bridesmaids to fulfill a portfolio of obligations that range from participating in a month of pre-wedding fun (as your friend described it); to funding lavish, out-of-state bachelorette parties; to performing numerous DIY projects. I continue to wonder when being chosen to be in someone’s wedding morphed from being an honor that obviously involved some  time and financial commitments into being the extreme, all-consuming burden  that it seems to have become.

Post # 7
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@shurbert02:  wow, i would be a bit offended by this too.  i don’t know why brides feel entitled to more than one day.  this is completely unrealistic.  i am curious how the other bridesmaids feel about committing to a full month of fun.  if someone expected that much of my time, i would expect to be paid for it.  my time is valuable.

i would maybe let things cool down and then have a talk to the bride one on one or perhaps with the entire bridal party.  hopefully the bride will come to her senses.

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d just say thanks but no thanks, I’ll be a guest but am happy to help you planning as your friend.

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