Post # 1
Okay, so stay with me on this, because there’s a bit of a story before I need suggestions. And please be kind in your responses. I’ve done my share of googling answers to this dilema and the responses weren’t always so nice.
So, I married my husband in January. We did a simple court house wedding with my sister and his best friend as witnesses. He is from England, so we wanted to tie the knot before our time was up on his visa and paperwork. Don’t get me started on fiance visas! They suck and the time lines are terrible.
Anyhow, I have always had a dream wedding in mind and my husband promised it to me. He said we could renew our vows and have all the traditional blah, blah, blah that I wanted at that one later when we had time to plan it all. So we decided that in May of 2014 we would renew our vows (that was the best time his family could come over from England).
However, now there have been several financial set backs with his family and they aren’t going to be able to afford to come over. I am heartbroken, because I want them there so badly. So now without his mum and sisters he doesn’t want to renew his vows, but has obliged to have a sort of party. I guess a marriage celebration, anniversary party, whatever you want to call it.
I know it is not a wedding reception. And I am okay with not a huge fancy anything. Dinner and dancing… friends and family… that sort of thing.
My dilema.. I have already bought my dress. I bought it nearly a year ago. I soooo badly want to wear it. And I want a photographer to capture the whole thing like a normal wedding. Would it be okay to wear it to a less formal “marriage ceremony/anniversary party?” And for clarification, it is a tradtional long white gown.
And if we go with this sort of a celebration… how does it even work? I know doing like a first dance and bouquet toss would probably be out of the question. Uggghhhh.. I’m so confused.
And before you say ask your husband’s opinion or wait until his family can afford to come over — I have asked him… he’s fine with whatever. And airfare for a single mom with 2 girls is very expensive when she does not have reliable income. So it is up in the air whether they will ever be able to come over to visit.
Post # 3
@mrsellix: I’d maybe wait a little longer so u cn hav ur dream wedding but if nothing materializes in x amount of time then just do a vow renewal
Post # 4
Is there a way for you two (your husband and yourself) to help his family come over, like subsidize their air fare/buy their plane tickets and have them stay in your home (no hotel)? Then you could proceed with the vow renewal like you want and can wear the dress no problem because it sounds to me like the only reason you’re changing the celebration from a vow renewal to a dancing celebration for your love is that his family cant afford to come.
It would add a bit to your overall budget, but if you really really want his family there, it sounds like you will have to help them out with expenses. That’s what I’d do 🙂
Goodluck, it sounds like a lot of fun!
Post # 5
@ladybrick: I wish we could afford to pay their airfare, but unfortunately the funds just aren’t there. And our budget is rather small to begin with. 🙁
@babypearls: We could wait, but I feel like it is one of those things that if we wait, it just won’t ever happen. 🙁
Post # 6
hm. how about *your* family? are they helping you pay for the vow renewal? Would they be willing to help bring his family over? aunts,uncles, grandparents, etc? Maybe you could get a loan? I wouldnt recommend that though unless you’re desperate.
If it is literally impossible to eke out any funds (even a couple hundred dollars might help), then I would personally wait and build a bigger budget so I *could* bring his family over. Honestly i think it would be odd to have such a party with no… reason (because your husband says he doesnt want to renew his vows without his family present, so it wouldnt bea vow renewal), you know? Like a vow renewal warrants a party, but this party is just that, a party, and i i think guests might be a little confused, like what exactly are they celebrating? plus i think it would be more special if you could celebrate with all your family, not just one side. But thats just me and what i would do in your situation, and you should do what you want! 🙂
Have you paid deposits and such yet?
Post # 7
Weddings/vow renewals/parties mean a whole lot less IMO if your family are not there to celebrate and clearly your SO feels the same way When we got married we sacrificed on the venue and guest list in order to help his parents fly across the world to be there. For me it was out of the question to do it without them and we knew they couldn’t afford it.
How many people from your family could afford a trip to England? Can you have your wedding there instead? It seems a bit weird to me to have a party for “no reason” if you’re cancelleing the vow renewal part. Isn’t that just spending your already small wedding budget on a party?