posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Invite SIL long term boyfriend to wedding even though he thinks your relationship is fake?
    yes, its etiquette : (16 votes)
    70 %
    no, and you will not be at fault for it : (7 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    3202 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Etiquette would say that if they live together, then yes, you must invite him. Even if they don’t I would probably invite him simply to keep the peace with your SIL.

    But you certainly don’t need to have her as a bridesmaid! You don’t need to include her at all, but if you want to include her to be nice, you could ask her to do a reading.

    Post # 4
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I supposed you can be super anal about inviting +1s and SOs and restrict it only to engaged or married. However, if you have other guests that are cohabitating or are in LTR, this could get dicey. This would be one way of excluding the boyfriend. I think at this point, given that they’ve been together this long, most would consider them a social unit so you should technically invite him. There’s always the possibility he won’t attend since apparently you don’t get along with him anyway.

    As far as asking your FSIL to be a BM, you definitely don’t have to and given the relationship (or lack thereof), I would encourage you not to because she’ll just cause drama and make you resentful. Would it be polite to invite her? Yes. Is it a smart thing to do? Maybe not. She’s probably not expecting to be asked anyway given that both you and FI do not get along with her.

    Post # 5
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I say leave it up to your SIL as to who she wants to be her +1. I do agree….with pp not inviting your SIL will only cause more tension between all of you. As for the BM….I vote no!

    Post # 7
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I would let your fiancé maje this decision.  I always think it should be the person who’s family is concerned decision when it comes to not inviting family members.  I understand that you have issues w SIL, as does your FI but ultimately it’s his sister.  If he wants any sort of relationship with her then she and her BF need to be invited.  

    I know the BF has caused problems  by making disrespectful comments about you and your relationship but ultimately who cares what he thinks.  You will be the bigger person by inviting them .  Keep it low drama, don’t discuss any wedding stuff with them unless they seem genuinely interested.  Treat them like any guests and hopefully they will act like adults and abstain from causing any drama. 

    As for asking SIL to be a BM, you hace zero onligation to ask her to be in your bridal party.  I would not ask her abd I wouldn’t feel bad about it.  I wouldn’t ask her to do anything for the wedding aside from maybe asking her to pass your programs and greet your guests. That way, she’s involved but non intrusively .


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