Post # 1
I really need some advice on the situation. I’m getting married next year. I’ve never been to a wedding before so I guess my first wedding will be my own lol
My issue lies with my fiances sister. We BOTH do not get along with her. She rarely speaks to my fiance and between her and I, we have had an array of issues. When she found out that we got engaged she gave us the hardest time, and wasnt very supportive.
She is in a relationship of her own, for the past 7 1/2 years. Shes also three years older than us and I can see why she might be giving us a hard time (jealousy perhaps?).
The issue I have is with her BOYFRIEND. He is extremely rude and my finace and I both have issues with him. He called our relationship fake and that I was using my partner. I think thats reason enough to not invite him (and not want to know him).
OKAY now I just wanted to ask… Are we in the wrong to not invite my finances sister boyfriend to the wedding? I understand that he is a long term partner of my Fiance’s sister but he obviously doesnt care about us or doesnt consider our relationship legitimate.
MY SECOND QUESTION is: Do I have to include my sister in law as one of my bridesmaids? We arent friends, we dont get along.. I personally dont see how I NEED TO.. but I am not familiar with wedding etiquette, hence my post on this forum. If I must include her somehow (MUST) then what other roles can I include her in.
I will also note that I am having a small wedding, less than 40 people.
Post # 3
Etiquette would say that if they live together, then yes, you must invite him. Even if they don’t I would probably invite him simply to keep the peace with your SIL.
But you certainly don’t need to have her as a bridesmaid! You don’t need to include her at all, but if you want to include her to be nice, you could ask her to do a reading.
Post # 4
I supposed you can be super anal about inviting +1s and SOs and restrict it only to engaged or married. However, if you have other guests that are cohabitating or are in LTR, this could get dicey. This would be one way of excluding the boyfriend. I think at this point, given that they’ve been together this long, most would consider them a social unit so you should technically invite him. There’s always the possibility he won’t attend since apparently you don’t get along with him anyway.
As far as asking your FSIL to be a BM, you definitely don’t have to and given the relationship (or lack thereof), I would encourage you not to because she’ll just cause drama and make you resentful. Would it be polite to invite her? Yes. Is it a smart thing to do? Maybe not. She’s probably not expecting to be asked anyway given that both you and FI do not get along with her.
Post # 5
I say leave it up to your SIL as to who she wants to be her +1. I do agree….with pp not inviting your SIL will only cause more tension between all of you. As for the BM….I vote no!
Post # 6
Thanks for your feedback guys.
I do see that.. if I don’t include her in the wedding and I don’t invite her partner it would seem as if I’m purposely trying to make life difficult for her or something..
But I would rather see her there than her partner, because frankily their relationship is just toxic, though tehy have been together for 7.5 years they break up once a year, they are always arguing and its not the fact that they argue but the WAY they argue.. its as if they are trying to get one up on each other, finding any opportunity to hurt the other person.. it can be so stressful.. and I am a firm believer in surrounding yourself with people with good vibes.. because people who are negative and unhappy will give you that sense of unhappiness too.
What I’m trying to say is.. that I’m willing to negotiate and include her (more) in the wedding if that means that I can not invite her boyfriend and not have her toxic relationship in my presence.
A user said before that I need to avoid causing drama with FSIL, but it doesnt matter how I turn it.. she will always find a way to cause drama. When I got engaged I posted it on facebook, only because I have a lot of friends and family who live overseas, and its the easiest mode of communication for me, better than making a lot of phone calls. She messaged me on facebook that she was angry that I didnt personally call her to tell her about my engagment (only minutes after it happend). BUT WE DONT TALK ANYWAY! How was I supposed to call her out of the blue when we never talk on a regular basis. Anyway, I didnt feel like I needed to, and if I did! She would have been like “Oh you called to rub it in my face that my little brother is getting married before me.”
I hate drama!
Post # 7
I would let your fiancé maje this decision. I always think it should be the person who’s family is concerned decision when it comes to not inviting family members. I understand that you have issues w SIL, as does your FI but ultimately it’s his sister. If he wants any sort of relationship with her then she and her BF need to be invited.
I know the BF has caused problems by making disrespectful comments about you and your relationship but ultimately who cares what he thinks. You will be the bigger person by inviting them . Keep it low drama, don’t discuss any wedding stuff with them unless they seem genuinely interested. Treat them like any guests and hopefully they will act like adults and abstain from causing any drama.
As for asking SIL to be a BM, you hace zero onligation to ask her to be in your bridal party. I would not ask her abd I wouldn’t feel bad about it. I wouldn’t ask her to do anything for the wedding aside from maybe asking her to pass your programs and greet your guests. That way, she’s involved but non intrusively .
Post # 8
Thank you MrsOrange and everyone,
I think I’ve decided to invite him and SIL… being the bigger person.. but then I wont have SIL involved in wedding, they can both be guests and I won’t discuss wedding plans with them. Thanks for the perspective everyone.