help!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Why would she have to be in yours? If you don’t want her to be then I would tell whoever is “forcing” this issue no…use the fact that you are not in hers as evidence that it is unnecessary.

Post # 4
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@Semperfisweety:  It is a bit different when you’re marrying into her family.  I had SIL as a bridesmaid, and I don’t expect to be a bridesmaid for her, especially if she ends up having a new SIL.

It is weird that you have to have her though, whose rule is that?  You should pick who you want!

Post # 5
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’m confused.

It’s your wedding. Who is forcing you to have her in your bridal party?

Do you like his sister? If not, it’s probably best to try to get along with her for your FI’s sake. And if you don’t actually like her, would you really want to be in her wedding anyway?

If you do like her and your feelings are just hurt, I’d just explain to her that you feel excluded. She may have simply not considered that not having you as a bridesmaid could be hurtful to you.

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I definitely had to have SIL as a BM since I was marrying into the family. But SIL didn’t need to have me as one, because she didn’t need to suck up!

Post # 8
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Semperfisweety:  Who said that she had to be a bridesmaid in your wedding? Your FI, your parents, FI’s parents? 

Post # 11
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Semperfisweety:  Will your FI be in her wedding? Seems like HE wants her in a wedding that is also his (not unreasonable). So if HE is in her wedding, that would be the trade off. Not you being in hers.

Post # 12
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think having her in your own wedding is nice for you to humor your FI’s wishes. I think it would be different if, say, FI’s mom said that she had to be in your wedding but not vice versa. 

I know it seems unfair and hurtful that she didn’t consider you to be one of her bridesmaids. But maybe since the two of you aren’t on the best of terms anyway, maybe you can look at it as less stress for you down the road – you will only have to be a guest at her wedding and not do all the extra ‘bridesmaidsy’ stuff. 

Post # 13
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Semperfisweety:  I don’t think it has anything to do with respect. Your FI demanded that his sister be included, despite her abysmal behavior. You caved to that request.

She has made her feelings about you painfully clear and has chosen not to be a hyprocrite and ask you to be a BM.

My question for you is “Why would you want to be her BM” I can’t think of anything more painful.

Post # 14
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Semperfisweety:  Hm. I can understand your confusion, but I don’t think you should be upset. Her being in your wedding isn’t for you. She’s not even there out of respect. She’s in your bridal party for your FI.

I think of the bridal party as one unit (despite bridesmaids and groomsmen, it’s one party) Everyone is there for either the bride or the groom regardless of if they’re male or female. Good friends of the bride can be groomsmen and good friends of the groom can be bridesmaids.

You’re not in her wedding because you’re not close with the bride or groom. She’s in your wedding because she’s close with the groom.  (She’s not trying to spite you, really. I hope you guys can heal and have a better relationship!)

 

This makes sense to me and is relevent to my regional cultures, hopefully it fits yours too!! (And helps to buffer the hurt you’re feeling)

 

 

 

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