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posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

Forget the outsiders. You have to do what is right for YOU. and pulling the plug on a wedding before it happens is MUCH EASIER than getting divorced.  Please. Listen to your heart (as corny as that sounds). don’t do anything rash, but do not marry this man if you don’t absolutely want to. Please.

Post # 3
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

PinkKitten:  oh shit girl…. I am so sorry. You sound like you have your head on straight when you say you don’t want to marry him. If things had been status quo and you “just never broke up” then your relative gets crazy sick bringing to light how short life is etc… I could see maybe questioning your choice to tie yourself down because “it’s what is expected”… Embarrassment and money aside… this might be your most expensive lesson in life. 

I don’t think you should go through with the marriage with such serious objections… Good luck and I’m sorry for you 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2700 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

MrsPierce2014:  +1

PinkKitten:  That sounds like more than normal wedding jitters.

You and your FI need to sit down and talk about this. Do not get married if you’re not ready to, don’t worry what other people think it’s about you and your FI and your lives!

Post # 5
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

I am sorry that you are going through this but I think you should trust your instincts here. If you really feel like you do not want to marry him right now, I think you should calmly talk to him about it and not get maried. Do you see yourself marrying him in a few years perhaps?

Post # 6
Member
829 posts
Busy bee

I could be way off here, but I’m guessing: you spent a lot of time caring for a very sick relative which was draining on you emotionally and physically. Your fiance is 19 years older than you and likely you will be taking care of him sick and elderly in a little bit- plus you’ll be doing this while trying to raise any children you two have- plus your own parents are getting old and will need care. This sounds like a really tough life and I can totally understand why you’d be dreading the future. It’s just too much for one woman!

Post # 7
Member
7795 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You need to listen to yourself bee. Call off the wedding- see what’s out there beyond this much older man who swooped you up.

Post # 8
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

PinkKitten:  

What has kept you with this man for so long?

Do you feel that you have not done enough independently?

I’m asking because you mention wanting to go live your own life. 

It also sounds like you are staying for security since you mentioned you have nowhere else to go. 

Post # 10
Member
6347 posts
Bee Keeper

What is it specifically that now worries you about getting married? Perhaps it might help to talk with a counselor or clergyperson or something. It’s better to change the course now before you’re married. The problems are only going to be more intense after that. Don’t let your FI or other people push you around; take care of yourself.

Post # 11
Member
600 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

Oh honey, don’t get married. <br />The emotions you are feeling now and will feel once calling off will be much smaller than what most likely will happen if you do get married and then have to end things down the line.

My husband is 19 years my senior, but it certainly isn’t for everyone.

Hugs to you xx

Post # 12
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I hope you find the strength to save you both some major heartache.   If you say you will never leave him why don’t you want to marry him?  

Post # 13
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Your issues do not sound like normal wedding jitters. Do not do this for others. None of those people have to be trapped in a miserable marriage to him, but you do. They also would not have to go through a nightmare of a divorce. If nothing else, postpone the wedding. Tell everyone that you are having some health issues that need to be taken care of first. Honestly, you do have mental and emotional health problems right now! I wish that I had never married my first husband (many red flags, signs, and intuition that I ignored), but I had NO doubts about my now husband. Your gut is speaking to you, so perhaps you should listen. He does not have to be a horrendous man in order to not be the one for you. Do not waste anymore of his or your time due to pressures from others. I hope all goes well, whatever choice that you make! 

Post # 14
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

Leave. If you don’t even like him anymore, there’s no point in pledging your life to him. Find someone that you’re excited to be with forever. 

Post # 15
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

PinkKitten:  Listen to your gut. Think about what would happen if you called it off, and had full support from family, friends, and co-workers. And became extremely successful in your life without him. 

Don’t let pressure from worrying about other people or money or even hurting his feelings make any impression on your decision. Not doing something is a lot less messy then undoing something. You obviously care about him but if you  aren’t in it 100%and go down the aisle it is unfair to him as well.  

Try and figure out the right choice for you. Postpone the wedding if you need to. But be honest with yourself. 

Good luck and be strong!

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