(Closed) help…..theroyal pains in my butt FILs

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My first thought is that you SO needs to stick up for you.  Have you talked to him about this and how he feels about his family excluding you?  He may be able to provide some kind of explanation or verify for you that it has to do with their religious beliefs.  Whatever the explanation may be, I still feel like he needs to support you on this and speak with his family. If he agrees with them that you should not be there for holidays, etc. then that’s a whole other discussion you need to have before getting married.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@persianprincess: Have you ever reached out to them yourself? Maybe next time they are in town you could organize a dinner out for all of you.

How many times have you met them? Is he their only child? The oldest? Has he had serious relationships before?

You really just need to kill them with kindness. Send some thoughtful gifts with him to them for Christmas.

Maybe they are very insular about their holidays and do only want to include “family” and are waiting until an engagement comes.

What does your bf say about this situation? Has he told them how much your family includes him and asked for you to be included in their functions?

Are you Catholic? Is your bf a practicing Catholic? Maybe they think you wouldn’t enjoy the holiday celebrations because of the religious aspect. Maybe they truly feel you need to be with your family on holidays.

 

Sorry this is all stream of consciousness, but those are my thoughts.

Post # 7
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Did you ask your FH if you were invited and maybe the two of you could cover your own ticket?! That sounds fishy to me!

Post # 8
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@persianprincess: You need to have open conversation with your bf about this. He needs to tell you if you are invited or not and if you are being paid for or not.

It took a while to get this though my bf’s head. He would always say “I’m going out to my mom’s house, you can come if you want.” It took almost a year for him to change from that to, “I’d like you to come to my mom’s house with me.”

Could it just be a communication breakdown somewhere? Have an open conversation with him. Ask him what is going on. If you are going to marry this man you need to be able to talk openly about everything, INCLUDING family issues (which can be tough).

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@persianprincess: Um, if your guy going to leave you for Christmas to spend it with his family who refuse to invite you?  That’s a little messed up.  Why don’t you suggest to your guy that since his parents “can’t” invite you for Christmas that the two of you celebrate with your parents this year?  

Honestly, I think your FIL’s are being dumb.  They may win the battle but they’ll lose the war if you know what I mean.  Its just not smart to offend your FDIL and start off on the wrong foot. 

Post # 11
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just try to keep the communication open with your SO.  Make sure he knows how you feel, and then be patient.  They could be waiting until you are engaged to begin treating you like part of the family.  If that doesn’t happen post-engagement I would start to worry but not too much.  You said that you haven’t done anything to them, so maybe they are just cautious about their relationship with you.  Is that possible?

Post # 14
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

So did they actually say you couldn’t come, or did they just say they aren’t buying your plane ticket?

Post # 16
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@persianprincess: I also have difficult inlaws so I know how you feel and I’m sorry….BUT

It’s time for your man to seriously step up and take care of this hon !

 

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