(Closed) Help a Bee in Hiding

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Maybe you’re the only girl he really thinks is pretty! Cheesy I know, but maybe his love for you has made him not want to think about other girls that way 🙂

Post # 4
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

lol okay well what do you want him to say? “Oh yea my friend amanda– who is totally HOTT by the way– said the funniest thing…”? 🙂 I’m sure he’s just trying to make you feel secure in your relationship. He can’t really help that most of his friends are girls if that is who he works with, and he shouldn’t NOT be friends with someone just bc they’re attractive IMO. 

Post # 5
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If he hasn’t given you any reason to think he might be cheating on you, then he probably isn’t!!! It’s hard to not make friends with people you’re in school with, especially when you’re spending so much time together.  If he’s committed to you, then you have nothing to worry about!  What might help is if you meet some of his “not that pretty friends” you could say after, “wow I can’t believe you said she’s not pretty!! She’s gorgeous!” Or something like that.  Not in a jealous way, but just so that he doesn’t think he has to hide it.  FI and I always chat openly about good looking people!

Post # 6
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think you’re reading a little too far into this one…I kind of agree with what mrs.peters.to.be said.

Post # 7
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

He’s probably just saying that so you won’t worry, even if it does mean he tells a bit of a lie. It’s probably not a bad thing, he’s most likely just trying to convey that he’s not browsing, lol.

Post # 10
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BeeinHiding: Just be honest with him, then, since he’s probably only lying to make you feel better. Tell him that you don’t care how attractive they are as long as he isn’t looking at them :), and I’m sure he’ll stop. It doesn’t sound like it’s malicious.

Post # 11
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Remember that your taste in girls can be very different from your SOs!

My hubby and I have very different tastes.

Also maybe her personality makes her less pretty to your SO – a lot of factors go into attractiveness.

But at the same token I dont think that “Shes not pretty don’t worry” should make you feel better because many factors go into attractiveness.

Why do you feel like you can’t trust him being friends with his fellow students? No matter what the career he will always have to associate with the opposite sex!

Post # 12
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Okay, so you know it’s unreasonable to expect that he’s never going to be attracted to someone else, right? That most men find an awful lot of women good-looking, right? That most men (I would argue ALL) fantasize about someone other than their FI or DW?

He probably DOES think someone in his class is pretty; he’s just not telling you because he knows how you’d take it. But admiring someone else–for their looks, their intelligence, their sense of humor whatever it is, is a long way from cheating. When you worry about these things for no reason (unless you truly believe he was cheating), you’re generally misplacing your own insecurities. YOU are who he’s WITH. Remind yourself of that and own it!

 

Post # 13
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I work in a male dominated field and I have no choice but to talk to guys and when I talk about work it usually involves talking about my guy colleagues. If it bothers you that much, why don’t you ask you FI to stop talking about these girls, and to stop saying don’t’ worry about it they are not pretty, seriously who says that? I would never say that to my SO when talking about a colleague that would make him suspicious.

Post # 16
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Have you ever told your fiance that you find one of your friends attractive? Let’s be honest – people don’t stop being attractive just because you are in a committed relationship. But, that doesn’t mean you go around discussing how attractive you find other people with your significant other.  I’m going to be honest, there is always going to be a problem if you go looking for one. So stop looking for problems. 

Just because your dad lied doesn’t mean that you can’t trust your fiance. If you have trust issues, thats a deeper issue that our advice on the bee can’t solve for you. Would you honestly feel better if your fiance came out and told you that he finds all his friends attractive? I highly doubt that. 

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