Help! Advice needed for awkward plus one situation!

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: WWYD?
    Tell her that she is invited, but Kevin is not. (please tell me how to word this one) : (23 votes)
    85 %
    Invite him and just ignore that he is there. : (3 votes)
    11 %
    Other? : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    “This may be disappointing for you to hear but we just aren’t comfortable having Kevin to the wedding after all that happened with him. Thanks for understanding”

    You don’t owe her any explanation and honestly, her assuming he was invited after everything seems absolutely crazy to me.

    Post # 4
    1248 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think it is generous of you to continue being friends with her at all, let alone Kevin! If one of my ‘friends’ boyfriends sucker punched my DH and she stayed with him and let him sneak into our house after he had refused to apologise then she would be a friend no more.  I’d tell Natasha that unfortunately due to what occured you cannot have Kevin present at your wedding.


    I had a somewhat similar situation to you in that I had a ‘friend’ whose husband (then boyfriend) injured me deliberately in the past. I’ll be civil to him when we meet at mutual friends occasion but no way in hell was he going to be at our wedding. I wasn’t particularly fond of her anymore due to her condoning of his behaviour and a bunch of other stuff so made the decision to invite neither (I figured I could not invite a person without their husband.)

    Post # 5
    7025 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    MissLibra:  I always think that if you don’t invite the partner, you risk losing the friendship. But in this case, it’s not a very long friendship and Kevin is a complete ass (assaulting your FI and never apologising). In other words, I would not invite Kevin, and if that means losing the friendship with Natasha, then so be it.

    I would tell her something like, “Sorry but in view of what’s happened, Kevin’s not invite. You’re still invited, but if you feel you can’t attend without Kevin then I understand”.

    I also wonder if the apology text was actually from Natasha.

    Post # 8
    2642 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Yikes!  What a crappy situation.  Normally I’m in the camp that you have to invite all SO’s regradless of if you like the SO or not.  BUT, there are a few exceptions and assulting the groom is one of them.  I’d go with Songstress_7‘s response.  

    If Kevin does actually apologize to your FI, then you can extend the invite. 

    Post # 9
    163 posts
    Blushing bee

    as pp’s have said id just explain to her over lunch one day that because of what happend he cant be there

    the only bit i dont agree with that pp’s have said is if he apologises then you can extend the invite – Hell no! surely its too late for it to even matter now – this guy should have been round grovelling the next day – he could send me the world and i would still never invite someone who attacked my FI

    Post # 10
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    MissLibra:  not that hard, you say something like- Natasha, we hope you can make it, but Kevin is not invited and cannot attend because of him punching my fiance.  Nobody who’s physically attacked either of us is welcome to our wedding.  I’m sure you understand.

    Post # 12
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    MissLibra:  okay, understood.  Just want you to know that you aren’t doing/saying anything questionable at all.  She and her FI probably know it makes no sense at all for you to invite him, but they’re just being pushy and acting like they live in some alternate universe.  Imo, it’s fully fine to text or email her if you don’t feel comfortable saying it in person.

    Post # 13
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: Home

    I agree with PPs. Just tell her “I’m sorry but we wouldn’t feel comfortable with Kevin there after what has happened in the past. We still hope you can make it.”

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