Post # 1
I was thrown for a tough one last night. When FI and I started the wedding planning we decided it would be a NO KIDS RECEPTION. Well as the planning went on, in my head I planned on no one under 18… ( I’m not sure why).. Well last night we met up with one of FI long time friends… Heres where the issue is: (Mind you I AM NOT JUDING HIM, not at all!!) He is 28, his gf(who would be the +1) is 16 or 17, and most likely will not even be 18 at our wedding.
FI thinks that if we dont give him a +1 that it will potentially lose a 10+ yrs friendship. But I dont want to make that one exception… if I make one, then Ill have to add my cousins etc…We decided b/c cousins were under 18 to not invite them.. Also she clearly looks and acts like shes a teen…
Bees what would you do?? Or how would you handle this situation??
Post # 3
I would let him bring his date. Or call the police. But yeah.
Post # 4
What state does he live in that a 28 year old is dating a 16 year old? I know that’s not the issue but it’s gross.
That not being the issue I would allow it because she is a +1, she isn’t someone’s kid (although she IS a child) that they are bringing.
Also I’d tell him to get a gf his own age.
Post # 5
@Westwood- +1 “or call the police”
This guy needs someone his own age, a 28 year old dating a 16 year old? CREEPY
Post # 6
Uhh I am judging. Hello creeper. That kind of age difference isn’t a big deal when both parties are above 20 or so. But a 28 year old dating a HS junior? ick. Anyway, not helpful to you. I think if you are giving other friends a plus one you need to give him one and pray no one calls the cop for his underaged date. But maybe by then they won’t be dating anyway. We can hope right?
Post # 7
wow, I usually don’t think of 16 or 17 year olds as kids, but when a 28 year old is dating one…well this is quite the dilemma. Umm…give him the plus 1 and don’t tell anyone how old she really is?
Post # 8
How long have they been together? You can give your friends a +1, but it’s their call who they decide to bring. If anyone asks, just say he brought his girlfriend and that you didn’t ask for background info on every +1. OR, if he’s such a good friend, explain it. Explain that you haven’t invited family under 18, and you’ve decided as a general rule that you are not going to be inviting any guests under 18 and that you appreciate his flexibility and willingness to place your wishes for YOUR wedding over his own for a few hours.
Post # 9
Ladies, hes that guy… that awkward, noone will date… but HER parents LOVE HIM!… and i agree, its gross… Maybe thats why i dont wannt make the one exception, cause its not right for them to be dating… ugghh…
Post # 10
@graygodess20: Are you giving all of your single (non-married) guests a +1?
Post # 11
well before I answered I decided to look it up, the age of consent in PA (if thats where your from) is 16 so it IS legal. Gross, IMO, but legal.
personally I would explain that even though she is his girlfriend you have decided that noone under 18 will be at your reception so unfortunately she will be unable to attend. You can’t make an exception for him and leave family members uninvited. IF he is that good of a friend, he will understand. OR Can you take an easy out and blame it on the venue? “Said location only allows those over 18 on the premesis”
Post # 12
@Gemstone: (hangs head) yes… i just wish i could designate who his date would be..
@chickiebee: I 100000% agree that its gross.. and just WRONG! (even tho its “legal”)He is a good friend to FI, but we think no matter how we word it or explain it, that its gonna cause issues…
Thats why i thought just not giving him a +1 would solve the icky issue
Post # 13
In this circumstance, the young lady in question is not being invited as someone’s child but rather as someone’s date. I think the better option would be to invite her, even if you find the relationship not to your tastes. If he were dating a 26-year-old that you didn’t care for, would he still get the +1 ?
Post # 15
@graygodess20: No reason to hang your head! If you’re giving everyone else a +1, I think this friend should be allowed a +1 as well. It’s really the only thing that’s fair.
I think you then have two options — either let him know that if she’s his +1, she’s 18 “for the record” that night, or just play dumb about her age in general. Hopefully, if any of your guests notice, they’ll realize it’s not your place to tell him his date is too young. Also, there’s a chance that, because she’ll be with your 28-year-old friend, people will assume she’s a young-looking late teens / early twenties.
Post # 16
Yeah it’s icky. But my logical side is inclined to look at the date of an adult guest as an “adult” for the purposes of the occasion. Hopefully no one will ask and no one will volunteer the girl’s age and people will just assume she’s an immature young woman, if they think anything about her at all. If you don’t want to let him bring a date because the fact that he’s dating a high schooler just plain creeps you out, that’s one thing, but I don’t know that you can stand on the “no children” defense here.