Post # 1
Just a little about us paragraph: My fiance and I have been in a long distance relationship for 6 years and have been engaged now for 4 months. Both our families know about the engagement. But his dad was not happy about it and his mother had a few concerns, such as will I fit in with the family. I have met the family many times. I’ve even gone to a family party. I usually stay at their house when I go over there.
My fiance is probably one of the biggest procrastinators I know, and now mix that with the fear of his dad getting mad at him again, he’s afraid to tell them anything wedding related. We paid the 1st deposit and set our date for March 30, 2014. I want to tell my family and friends but my mom has raised me that if you tell anyone before you tell the parents first, it’s disrespectful. So I don’t feel comfortable making the grand announcement to everyone until they know.
The problem is I gave him over a month to tell them and he still hasn’t. Now the 2nd installment for the venue is due and I don’t feel comfortable putting a lot of money down while we’re in the situation we’re in. So I’ve written a letter to his parent’s and addressed their concerns about me, hoping it will put them at ease and let them know the date. I haven’t sent it out, I told him if he can tell them by tomorrow, I won’t send it. But if he doesn’t tell them, should I continue on with the planning without them knowing or should I send the letter? I’m afraid if I don’t, he’ll never tell them and they won’t know about the date. But I’m also afraid if I send it, I might come off bad.
Post # 3
@OSuKat24: I’m honestly on board with the letter, and think it would be nice for you to reach out to his family. It sounds like they’re having a hard time letting their boy get married, and are just voicing parental concerns – they just want him to be happy! And it also sounds like he’s so afraid of what they think. Would it be possible to just call his parents? I know that’s kind of ballsy and it would be so so scary, but maybe they would appreciate the call?
Post # 4
I don’t have any advice for you, but I wanted to validate your concerns. If my FI wouldn’t tell his parents decisions he’s made, because he didn’t want them to get mad, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him as my husband. It’s a big deal and scary, but HE should be putting on his big boy pants and dealing with it if he wants to be your husband. I mean, what will happen when you guys decide to move, or raise your kids differently, or whatever? He’s got to be prepared to stand up to them and weather their disapproval. Just my two cents, hope everything works out for you!
Post # 5
@pengoala: I was very scared at the thought of calling them, but I’m thinking I might actually do just that.
Post # 6
@whammy: Thank you! I told him something very similar. Hopefully the drama will end soon and he will learn to stand up to them.
Post # 7
If it were me I would just call them and lay it out. If they have concerns about you being added as a member of the family, they may see this as a positive and feel more comfortable.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Its all good you sending the letter, then what? Another letter and another letter everytime they disagree with something and your FI doesnt want to talk to them. I’d continue with the letter to his parents but I seriously wouldnt be comfortable going any further with the wedding until he mans up to his responsibilities and talks to them about the wedding.
Post # 9
I think a phone call woud be better than the letter but other than that I am completely onboard with the whole idea. Though, his procrastination is a concern.
Post # 10
I’m trying to put myself in the place of your FI’s parents. You have been together for 6 years, so the engagement should not have been a surprise. What are their concerns? Are you still long distance? Are they concerned that you two have not spent time living together? Are you of a different culture and that is why they are not sure you will fit in? Why isn’t his father haapy about your engagement? Are the two of you very young to get married? Do you have stable jobs?
I guess I’m asking these questions, because I’m not sure why you are hesitant to progress with the wedding plans just because his parents may not be 100% on board. Are you saying that if they are against the marriage, you would not marry each other? Or are you concerned that since he does not mention the wedding plans to his parents, that you are worried that your FI has doubts?
If I were his parents, I would appreciate a call from you stating how happy you are to join their family. Tell them what a fine job they did raising their son and that you love him with all your heart and you will make him a good wife. Inform them of the wedding plans, and let them know that now that they are aware of the details, you will be posting everything on facebook for your friends.