Post # 1
I just relized we may be in for some more Future Mother-In-Law drama and want to get ideas on how to deal with it before the storm rolls in.
Background: Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law are going through a separation/reconciling depending on the day of the week. They are preparing their house for sale next spring. Our wedding is in September.
Other Background: Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law offered to pay for liquor and flowers for the wedding, then said nevermind, no we won’t. Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law offered to give Fiance & Moi a loan to buy a house. 2 days after we went under contract, Future Mother-In-Law withdrew her offer of a loan and we had to scramble. Future Mother-In-Law offered to host my bridal shower (just using her house- my BMs would throw it). She later rescinded that offer and said she will not let us use her house (I had never asked if I could- she had offered).
A few months ago, before Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law talked about selling their house, Future Mother-In-Law was adament that she wanted to throw a brunch/bbq the day after our wedding for out of town guests, family, etc. I don’t know if she still wants to do this, but I bet she does, given the fact that several of the out of town guests are staying at their house. I am very very concerned about this idea for a few pretty obvious reasons:
- I am afraid she will offer, invite everyone, and then cancel, leaving me to tell my family, “Sorry you booked a later flight! She canceled the party!”
- I am afraid she will hold the party over us and threaten to cancel it if we don’t do what she wants. All of the things she offered and then backed out of coincided with times Fiance or I didn’t do what she wanted us to do regarding other maters (very controlling).
- I am afraid that she won’t invite all of my family (who are all out of town) or the bridal party. She admitted to Fiance that the only reason she wanted the party was to rekindle a friendship with her brother and sister in law since we *huff* refused to invite all of her family to the rehearsal dinner (the rehearsal dinner would have been 40% of the invited guests if we had let her).
- They don’t aircondition their home in order to save money. It will be 70+ degrees F in September.
- Fiance and I probably wouldn’t be able to attend. She was thinking around 10 or 11 am. We will probably check out of the hotel around 10 and it’s about an hour and a half to two hour drive from the hotel to where his parents live. Not to mention pit stop to drop off the gifts at our home, etc.
I am really really really hoping that she drops the idea. Any advice on how to approach it if she brings it up? I can’t tell her what she can and cannot do in her home concerning FI’s relatives. I was thinking of coming in on the approach with, “Well, we would want to be there, since it’s a wedding-related event, but I don’t think that the next day will be good for us, or indeed anyone staying at the hotel. Britishbroccoli’s family would be upset if they couldn’t come.” If she still wants to throw it, I was thinking of just asking that they have their own private reunion and make it unrelated to the wedding, just FI’s family hangin’ out.
Post # 3
Oh other concern 6. His parents may separate by the time the wedding happens. If that happens, FMIL’s brother hates Future Father-In-Law, etc.. the two families have their own drama. If Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law separate, it will turn into a competition.
Post # 4
If she has been so flakey, I would politely decline the offer. You don’t need to have a post-wedding brunch.
Post # 5
@futuremrsfitz18: Well yes hehe I want to politely decline the offer. My concern is that it won’t be an offer, so much as her telling me she’s doing me a favor come hell or high water, having to let my family know, and then getting a big fat cancelation the next time one of us wrongs her. I basically see it playing out like this:
Future Mother-In-Law: I’m still throwing the brunch the next day, since I want to see family and you won’t let them come to the rehearsal dinner.
Fiance & Moi: Oh, I don’t think we can make it. We’ll be coming down pretty late.
Future Mother-In-Law: Well I want to see the family. You can’t take that away from me! *shrill* OR I’ll throw it later in the day. What are Britishbroccoli’s parent’s phone numbers?
Post # 6
you’re missing the easy solution
don’t tell your family unless she specifically brings it up with us (she won’t)
let her do what she wants with the few cousins who are staying with her
you can bet your ass that bill is going to be staying at the hotel so he can go to the after-party and drink a few of my brothers under the table.
Post # 7
I agree with another poster…she sounds way too flakey to be trusted. I would politely decline her offer.
Post # 8
@MrBroccoli: I disagree. I think she’s going to bring it up because, in her mind, it’s making up for the fact that we’re not “letting” her take over the rehearsal dinner. But trust me, I will NOT be the one to bring it up.
Post # 9
I would leave it along and follow Mr. BB’s suggestion. Let her have a party with her relatives. If you can make it, attend. If you have other things to do, decline the invite but wish her well. This is not your party, don’t get involved. If she wants to call your parents and invite them, let her do it. If she decides to cancel after inviting people, be sure she is the one doing that as well.
Post # 10
@MrsBroccoli: I know you’re far too polite to go out of your way to bring it up.
I will probably suggest she just make it a party with my side that we don’t attend since your family will all be staying in Baltimore and flying out the next morning–and that their flight plans had already been made and couldn’t be changed.
Post # 12
@Mars62312: …. what? Did you post this on the wrong thread?
Post # 13
I’d let her do it, but I’d tell my side of the family you’re on your own if she cancels. That way if they don’t want to, they don’t have to. I’d also give the bridal party a heads up, so they don’t get their feelings hurt. You and your Fiance can’t be there anyways, just let her pretend with her family if she wants. You won’t have anything to do with it, it’ll just be her family getting together. If you tell her no, she may cause problems just from that.