Post # 1
Dear brides, I really need to get some outside perspective. Here is the situation last week we were at my niece’s baptism so my sister thought it was nice to invite my fiancee’s family, since all my family would be there, they could all bond (very nice of her). When the BF’s brother arrived I think he maybe had a little to much to drink and called some guy in the party “Stupid”. Then my sister’s husband kicked him out of the party, my boyfriend and I stayed a little longer and then left, when we were leaving my sister’s husband started saying things to my boyfriend, I must say I did not intervene (which made my boyfriend very upset), but I was also upset since what his brother did was very wrong. So, when we talked I was so mad I told him I never wanted to see his brother again, and he does not want to see my brother in law again. I thought a lot about this and learned that it is not fair to kick his brother out of our lives like that since that would only hurt my BF, but he did not change his mind about my brother in law and he really does not want to ever attend anything related to him, so for the rest of my life for my sister’s events I would have to attend by myself. The worst part is that now he is reconsidering whether we will be able to carry our lives like this if we get married. We are supposed to get married in 4 months, we live together and this week has been so uncomfortable. Please some advice.
Post # 2
Sounds to me like everyone acted very inappropriately. I feel bad for your sister having her daughters baptism ruined by childish behavior… who shows up to a baptism drunk? Does your BF not see that you’re both going to have to make concessions on behlf of eachothers families behavior (apparently) if your relationship is going to work? Does he care that his decision to cut one of your family members out greatly affects you? Are you OK with marrying a guy like that?
Post # 3
Both of you are being more than a little immature. Have another talk about it when he has had time to calm down.
Post # 4
It sounds like everyone is being immature here. I think eveyrone just needs time to cool off. You’re all adults, it can be worked out. You don’t need to start cutting family out of your lives because someone called someone else stupid. There worse things that could happen.
Post # 5
Everyone needs to step back and take some responsibility for this sorry and silly situation. There’s absolutely no need for such drastic action. Your BF’s brother was indeed stupid to start calling people names. Equally, your sister’s husband might have handled the situation in a more adult manner too.
If your BF plans to cut people out of his life forever on the basis of this trivial sort of incident – and one that appears to have been triggered off entirely by his own brother – then I’d question whether he is mature enough to get married anyway. Life will deliver all sorts of awkward situations. Does he plan to fall out with everyone who crosses him?
Post # 6
JGGH: I agree with the previous posters there is a lot of growing up to for all parties involved. It’s a fact of getting married; you marry into the family too!
The one thing that sent some warning bells off in my head is the fact you are going to be married in 4 months yet referred to your signifigant other as your boyfriend more than your fiance. Are you really sure you are ready to marry this man, your fiance?
Post # 7
Does your boyfrend’s brother have a history of drinking and acting like this? …Assuming your boyfriend had no idea this was going to happen, I’m sure your boyfriend was embarassed enough by his brother’s behavior and didn’t need to get further insulted by your sister’s husband. It was wrong of you to not intervene or sitck up for your boyfriend when he did nothing wrong. I understand why he wouldn’t want to see your sister’s husband again- he knows if there’s any future problems, he can’t trust you to be there to support him like a partner should. You’re not ready to get married.
Post # 8
I am not sure why your nieces baptism would be the time or place to introduce your BF’s family to yours. The day has nothing to do with any of that. I would be pretty upset if I were your sister or BIL that you did that to begin with, and then the people you invited caused major drama.
Suck it up and tell sister and BIL you are sorry for the drama. Tell your BF that you made a bad call all together.
Post # 9
Sounds like this situation got really out of control. I would give it a little time so everyone can cool down, then get together to fix the issue. We all can let our tempers get away from us every now and then, but causing a rift in the families over something that can be fixed is not worth it. You are all adults (I am assuming), maybe you can plan a get together after you and your FI discuss your issues, and talk things out with those involved. Sounds like some apologies need to happen and an adult conversation needs to be had.
Post # 10
Thank you so much to all of you for your comments. In reality all I want to do is move on. I made a mistake not standing up for him, but all I can do now is to learn from this. We live together since 3 years ago, we usually do not have fights and this is by far the biggest fight we have ever gotten into. I believe he is being a little radical. His relationship with my sister’s husband was never good but they were able to keep things cool but now he just wants him out of his life (not mine by the way). I feel so confused, because there are no problems in the way we have lived our lives for the past years, and it pains me to see that he wants to even reconsider the life choice of getting married, when I feel that living together 3 years is like having been married for all that time. I want to get married to him, so much! but I wonder if I should ponder all of this, whether this is more important than loving someone.
Post # 11
I hope he can move on. He seems like he is being immature. Im sure it will work itself out before the wedding!
Post # 12
You guys must be really young
Post # 13
Alarm bells are ringing here and I’m wondering if your BF is looking for a way out. Only I can’t really see why this incident alone would make an otherwise committed partner consider whether their forthcoming wedding should go ahead. Has he given you any cause to suspect he’s got cold feet?
Post # 14
This is one of the strangest situations I’ve seen on the Bee… You’re considering calling off your wedding after one fight that isn’t even related to your relationship with FI? Perhaps you should consider dating for a few more years before marrying, as it seems you are not ready to make such a lasting commitment. If you, as a couple, cannot handle such a minor incident, I’m not sure how you plan to make it through a life-long marriage to one another.
Side note: I, too, am really confused why you keep referring to him as your boyfriend if you are engaged to be married. Are you just really accustomed to calling him that after dating for however long?