- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
I need some help deciding what I should do (etiquette wise) regarding a wedding situation that I am in. First, let me tell the story… My fiance and myself got engaged last May. We had been living with his parents for quite some time (approx. 2 and a half years), but because of financial reasons had not been able to move out and rent or buy a place of our own. I became aware of a vacant house on a piece of property that my Grandparents owned that had not been lived in for close to 3 years, so I made a deal with my grandfather to live in this house free of rent up until the wedding in June. The only problem with this situation was the fact that my whole family is very traditional Christian and does not believe in people living together before they are officially married. So the original plan was to have my fiance try to stay there without detection. We both did not like sneaking around, and thought it would be less stressful if we got married ahead of time, and thought “What the heck, we will just get married now and have the big wedding bash later on.” So we went up to Reno (by ourselves) and got married in September. We were originally going to tell my family about it because of the living situation, but after awhile of not telling anyone, we thought it might hurt our chances of having the big wedding if word got out that we were already married. As of right now, I have told no-one that we are married, and my husband has told only his brother and one of his best men (and each were told not to tell anyone). Everything has been set up for the wedding in June and a bridal shower in April- all of the deposits paid, bridesmaids dresses bought, and decorations bought.
Here is my dilema/ problem:
1.) I feel absolutely terrible about lying to everyone- physically (I can’t sleep, getting sick all of the time), and mentally (having anxiety issues, and not myself- very cranky, and mean)
2.) I don’t know what we should do! I want a big wedding, because every girl wants a big wedding, with the dressing up like a princess, the pictures, gifts, and all of our friends and family coming together. But at the same time, I don’t want to get up in front of everyone we know and pretend to get married again, plus I hate the obvious toll on my health right now. My husband stands by me in whatever I decide, but I can’t make the decision- it is just too much! I have thought about having a intimate ceremony (with just close family) at a different location before the reception. And just inviting everyone else to the reception later on.
Has anyone had a similar situation happen to them? One of the reasons why we got married earlier was so that it would be less stressful to plan the big wedding, but it has actually turned out to be more stressful (I think) then it would have been if we had just waited. Any advice would be great