Post # 1
I’m freaking out, I have a huge dilemma. I was obsessed for months to find a department store cocktail dress instead of your typical BM dresses. After an exhausted search I actually found the burnished olive and spiced wine dresses from JCrew and happily settled with that.
I sent an email out to my bridesmaids and they’ve already started buying their dresses which are non-refundable bc they are on sale. My problem is that my future sister-in-law who is very plus sized called my fiance crying saying she is bigger than a size 16 and already talked to JCrew and they don’t do her size. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I found 2 comparable dresses on DBridal but I think she’s worried she’ll stand out even more. My only thoughts were to order 2 dresses and have them sewen together to make one, order a comparable color from DBridal, or send a fabric swatch and have her get a dress made from a comparable fabric.
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Post # 3
Okay, first…..NEVER offer to order two dresses and have them sewn together!! Big mistake and what you see as a nice gesture will not be seen that way by her. It will seem as an insult. Is she just a BM or MOH? DBridal dress would be the best solution for you in this. Your bridemaids DO NOT have to match as long as the color is the same if you are worried about color. Being a woman, you know weight is a sensitive issue. This is YOUR day, but…..sometimes it has to change a little. DB no longer sales my BM dress and had a few left in smaller sizes, my MOH will be wearing a different dress in the same color scheme. Talk to her about it and see if the two of you can come to an agreement.
I hope this helps a bit…sorry that you are having trouble like this….being a plus sized bride has OPENED my eyes to the limits people have and how hard it is to make everyone else happy while planning your dream day.
Post # 4
Sigh. Well first of all, I think you have to consider how awkward this must be for her. How many bridesmaids have already bought their dresses? I don’t think you can ask anyone to buy another dress now because then they might be resentful towards your FSIL, which would just add to the stress of the situation. I would see if you can get one of the other bridesmaids who has not yet bought their dress to buy the same davids bridal dress as your FSIL. Then she won’t be alone in her dress choice. And just say you love the J. Crew dresses but you decided to add in this Davids Bridal dress in chocolate (or whatever color) for some contrast, and you need another girl to wear it also. Just try to be sensitive to her situation– this must be awful for her!
Post # 5
Eek. It sounds like an awkward situation for you both. I like the ideas of the earlier posts — mixing and matching is totally okay and perhaps one of your other BMs would be willing to wear a dress from someone other than J.Crew to help your FSIL feel more comfortable. Someone said earlier the wedding is YOUR day — and it is — but you will have to carry on a relationship with you FSIL after the wedding, and if I were in her shoes, I would feel pretty uncomfortable.
Post # 6
this is a terrible situation for both of you!! I think you should have her look at the DB dress and ask one of your other BM wear the same dress … and pay for that’s BM’s dress. This gesture will go a long way in the future!!
Post # 7
she may like the idea of getting a different one, but you should talk to her about it because she may not want to stand out. I would either get a dress in a similar color (because in the end only YOU and HER would know that it’s different!) or get the swatch and have the dress made through a seamstress-you will be surprised if you get a good seamstress no one will be able to tell that the dress wasn’t store bought! I don’t know anyone in your area but ask around and check out shops!!! I’ve had dresses for formal events done this way and all i did was take the pic to the seamstress. Take one of the dresses the other girls have bought and see if someone can copy it!
Post # 8
I agree with Chitownb2b-I would have one made.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
It’s an awkward situation, sure, but as a large plus size myself, I realize that I won’t fit into any “popular” clothing lines and try to quietly go about finding my own dress.
The thing is, if she’s plus sized, she already knows she’s not exactly the same. I would call & succinctly apologize for the oversight, show her the David’s bridal dress, and have her wear that. Then, move on. It’s possible it won’t even be noticed after a while. If it’s long & drawn out, that will definitely make her feel worse.
Post # 10
you dont need to match dont stress
so long as its the same color everything will be ok, its not your fault
Post # 11
I think Texaslawgirl had a really nice suggestion. It will save your FSIL from standing out and nobody else needs to know why there are 2 types of dresses. It could end up looking really great!
Post # 12
Unless she’s the MOH and clearly she’s not, you should have at leas one other dress be the same. She WILL stand out if she’s the only non JCrew wearing maid…great suggestion from above!
Post # 13
My personal opinion is that you should surprise her with a dress that is actually 2 dresses sewn together – just have a tailor do it and make it bigger than her size so that she can go have it fitted perfectly.
I’ve heard of people doing this …it’s really no big deal.
Post # 14
I let my plus size bridesmaid pick the dress for all the bridesmaids. It ended up working out perfectly and everyone was happy/looked great 🙂
Let her pick what she wants, and all should be ok.
Post # 15
Do you have a decent, trusted tailor? I say order the largest size and get another for extra fabric. Or, if the David’s Bridal is a good color match, order that.
I’m sure this isn’t a popular view on the subject — but I kinda don’t think its FAIR that the other maids or one other would have to change accordingly just to make HER feel better. Chances are, if she is large, she is USED to standing out (and quite honestly, as a guest, I’m not even looking at the size of the maids… all my attention is to the couple)
Post # 16
I say go with the DB dress or have a dress custom made to match the other dresses.
I had a similar situation when I was bulk ordering my BM’s dresses for a discount. I got all the way to checkout and was told that it would be an extra $20 each for every girl over a size 18 (which is 3 of my girls). I had never given thought to something like this happening ahead of time and just decided to pay the $60 instead of passing along the cost to the girls (I had already given them the quotes before running into the extra cost).
Hope it all works out!