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How random. That's not cool... I bet he's just lonely though :( How did he know you were engaged?
WHAT? Who does that??!!!?!! You're 100% within your rights to call him and explain that he is NOT invited. You can just say something along the lines of "while you'd love to have you there, we have limited space at the venue and aren't able to invite everyone we'd like."
Some people are just crazy...
Oh lord. First of all, I'd fix your website so that people need an invite to access the rsvp function. Secondly, I'd email him yourself - but politely explain the situation. Say that you're so sorry that you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted to invite, but that your numbers were limited, etc. Unless your mom personally knows him, I wouldn't have her email him.
That's so crazy. I'd say he's being pretty rude, but maybe he really just doesn't understand how things work. Unless he's crazy, a polite email should take care of it.
Just email him and tell him that you're sorry, but the wedding is for close friends and family only, and that you hope he isn't too disappointed! Alternatively, you could make it like it is a joke (even though he isn't a joker). You could play dumb and say "John Doe, you are SO FUNNY! I don't remember you as being such a jokester. Hope you enjoyed out site and maybe we will bump into each other someday". Or something like that.
I'm a bleeding heart, so I'd probably let him come unless you really don't have the space or he didn't treat you well while you worked together.
i vote for a mix of the first two options: you personally talk to him and let him know that politely that you have to limit on your guest list and he isn't on it unfortunately.
I'm also a bleeding heart! The poor man is lonely! I would feel too bad for him. But, it is totally your wedding, and if you are having a hard time maintaining a smaller guest list, I would shoot him an email. He probably just doesn't understand how the process works.
Wow - how did he find you? (Do you have your full name on the site?)
I would try explaining to him about the space limitations and how you had to limit your guest list. Hopefully he'll understand that since he wasn't even invited!
We password protected our site to make sure people couldn't RSVP unless invited. (We actually required a password for the whole site, but if we had the rest public, would have definitely used it for the RSVP page.)
I find this a little unnerving, actually. Why was he looking for you online?
@PopRox: He knew we were getting married because we got engaged while I still worked with him. A few weeks before I left, he said to me, "I haven't received my invitation in the mail yet." I should have nipped it in the bud then, but I just replied that we hadn't sent them out yet, which was true, but not the WHOLE truth (that he was not going to be receiving one).
Another co-worker at the same time started complaining that she wouldn't be able to take a vacation in July because of my wedding (!!!). I took it as her feeling the wedding was an obligation preventing her from living her life, so I cut her from the list also. I wonder if they'll show up together (!!!!!!).
I am uncomfortable with the whole wedding website thing for this very reason! Anyone know websites that are password protected?
I still am wondering why people are looking you up online...or is it that you DID invite some former coworkers, and they shared the site with these other folks?
I think honesty is always the best policy, but if you have to embellish, you could always say that finances made you cut your list way back, and you are so sorry if they are disappointed.
I had a similar situation. An extended family member sent me a message on Facebook asking when the wedding was so they could get the time off from work. What? I guess news spreads, but why would they assume they're invited? I didn't even know exactly who she was; I had to ask my mom. I explained our situation as diplomatically as I could: "Hi _______, this is hard to say but we're actually having a small wedding, for Mexicans anyway. We both have such huge families but our venue won't hold everyone we'd like to invite, nor can we afford that. We had to make some really really tough calls for our guest list. I really hope you'll understand."
Yeah...I would probably invite him. But thats me! I think it really depends on what you know about him and what your relationship is. I don't think most people intend to be rude or assuming on purpose, so I'm sure if you explained the situation to him, he would understand. Not to be sexist here, but if he is a widow, he probably doesn't have as much etiquette knowledge as he used to.
Wow-ZA!!!!
Do you ever see him? I would just be blunt with him! That's so shady & that the fact that he had emailed you before you left that old company! Does your website say where you are getting married & where the reception is? I would but a password on there (if you can-although it seems too late now 
)
Be careful on your wedding day and that he doesn't crash it! YIKES! YIKES! YIKES!
@fitzly: I believe that mywedding.com does too.
I would prob. let it slide, but I completely understand if you don't.
"he said to me, "I haven't received my invitation in the mail yet"... but I just replied that we hadn't sent them out yet."
He probably took your response as though you were saying that he would be receiving an invitation. That would've been your chance to correct him, but since you didn't he probably assumed he was invited. If you really don't want him to be there, I'd send an email along the lines of what the others have suggested. On the other hand, there was another bee who was faced with the prospect of a very unwanted guest coming to her wedding, and several people said that the wedding went by so quickly and there are so many people to talk to that the unwanted guest didn't even register on their radar.
@fitzly: www.ewedding.com lets you either password-protect the entire site, or you can just do it for specific pages.
Honestly? I think the second and third options are the only acceptable ones. Unless, is this someone you REALLY do not want to be there?
I would be kind of pissed that he went and invited himself to the wedding but he is a widower and personally I would let him come at least he didnt rsvp with 5 guests. 
I would definetely allow him to come. You did mention that you told him that the invitations were not yet sent out so in a way you kind of encouraged him to believe that he was a potential guest.
As for the party and wedding date that he knew , I am guessing you blog on other websites about your life so it is normal when you work with people that they try and find you on twitter, facebook, and other blog sites. Not weird at all
He must mean well, go for you for cutting off that other lady she did make it seem that your wedding was a burden. On the otherhand here is the uninvited widower, he probably just wants to be around and share that day with his ex co-worker
add a password to your website and email him about the misunderstanding.
@leoposting: I would have never allowed online RSVP in the first place. Sorry.
@RachelD: Not that that actually solves the problem as long as old co-workers are allowed access to pen, paper and stamps. This isn't a problem resulting from online communication, but from social ineptitude on the part of the gentleman in question. Fifty years ago, this sort of thing happened when someone noticed an invitation card standing on someone else's mantle, or lying on someone else's desk, and jotted off a note-style acceptance to the happy couple which they posted through the mail; it goes on happening today with uninvited guests replying by text, email and facebook.
"leoposting" got married a year and a half ago: I wonder what she decided in the end. In my heart, I hope she decided in favour of generous hospitality and was rewarded for it.
How incredibly tacky. So what happened at the wedding? Did the lady coworker show?
I currently have one of those websites and I worry about the same issue...
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