(Closed) Help! An old co-worker found our wedding website and RSVP’ed

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: should I be point blank or make up a lie as to why he wasn't invited?
    Email him telling him he wasn't invited in the first place, and tell him do not come. : (44 votes)
    46 %
    Ask my mom to email him, politely telling him that we had to limit our guest list and he isn't on it : (36 votes)
    38 %
    Let him come. : (14 votes)
    15 %
    Ask him if he really wants to support us, to send a gift but don't show up to the ceremony. : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    How random. That’s not cool… I bet he’s just lonely though 🙁 How did he know you were engaged?

    Post # 4
    Member
    4765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

    WHAT? Who does that??!!!?!! You’re 100% within your rights to call him and explain that he is NOT invited. You can just say something along the lines of “while you’d love to have you there, we have limited space at the venue and aren’t able to invite everyone we’d like.”

    Some people are just crazy…

    Post # 5
    Member
    769 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    Oh lord.  First of all, I’d fix your website so that people need an invite to access the rsvp function.  Secondly, I’d email him yourself – but politely explain the situation.  Say that you’re so sorry that you weren’t able to invite everyone you wanted to invite, but that your numbers were limited, etc.  Unless your mom personally knows him, I wouldn’t have her email him.  

    That’s so crazy.  I’d say he’s being pretty rude, but maybe he really just doesn’t understand how things work.  Unless he’s crazy, a polite email should take care of it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Just email him and tell him that you’re sorry, but the wedding is for close friends and family only, and that you hope he isn’t too disappointed! Alternatively, you could make it like it is a joke (even though he isn’t a joker). You could play dumb and say “John Doe, you are SO FUNNY! I don’t remember you as being such a jokester. Hope you enjoyed out site and maybe we will bump into each other someday”. Or something like that.

    Post # 7
    Member
    41 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m a bleeding heart, so I’d probably let him come unless you really don’t have the space or he didn’t treat you well while you worked together.

    Post # 8
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i vote for a mix of the first two options:  you personally talk to him and let him know that politely that you have to limit on your guest list and he isn’t on it unfortunately.

    Post # 9
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’m also a bleeding heart!  The poor man is lonely! I would feel too bad for him.  But, it is totally your wedding, and if you are having a hard time maintaining a smaller guest list, I would shoot him an email.  He probably just doesn’t understand how the process works.

    Post # 10
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Wow – how did he find you? (Do you have your full name on the site?)

    I would try explaining to him about the space limitations and how you had to limit your guest list.  Hopefully he’ll understand that since he wasn’t even invited!

    We password protected our site to make sure people couldn’t RSVP unless invited.  (We actually required a password for the whole site, but if we had the rest public, would have definitely used it for the RSVP page.)

    Post # 11
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I find this a little unnerving, actually. Why was he looking for you online?

    Post # 13
    Member
    529 posts
    Busy bee

    I am uncomfortable with the whole wedding website thing for this very reason! Anyone know websites that are password protected?

    Post # 14
    Member
    1641 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I still am wondering why people are looking you up online…or is it that you DID invite some former coworkers, and they shared the site with these other folks?

    I think honesty is always the best policy, but if you have to embellish, you could always say that finances made you cut your list way back, and you are so sorry if they are disappointed.

    Post # 15
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I had a similar situation.  An extended family member sent me a message on Facebook asking when the wedding was so they could get the time off from work.  What?  I guess news spreads, but why would they assume they’re invited?  I didn’t even know exactly who she was; I had to ask my mom.  I explained our situation as diplomatically as I could: “Hi _______, this is hard to say but we’re actually having a small wedding, for Mexicans anyway. We both have such huge families but our venue won’t hold everyone we’d like to invite, nor can we afford that. We had to make some really really tough calls for our guest list. I really hope you’ll understand.”

    Post # 16
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @fitzly:

    The Knot although it’s a little glitchy sometimes

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