(Closed) Help and Advice needed! Semi-long.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
46230 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did he tell you when he was elected the sole decision maker in your marriage?

Or is he self-appointed?

Is this the first time he has made decisions about travel plans (or anything else) without consulting you at all? Or, have you allowed him to get away with this in regard to other things?

This behavior would not wash with me. I would tell him that under no circumstances was he going to make decisions about what we would do as a couple without involving me in the decision making.

ETA I just noticed that you said he keeps putting you in lose lose situations. Is he always this self centered?

Post # 6
46230 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Have you tried asking him to reverse positions and tell you how he would feel if you unilaterally made plans for the two of you for a weekend away?

If he can do that and HONESTLY say that he would not be upset by that- well that’s not going to happen.

I would tell him that I was very disappointed that he made plans without involving me in the decion making and wish him an enjoyable weekend. I would make alternate plans for myself.

Post # 8
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think both of you are in the wrong.

He shouldn’t have commited you to going on a roadtrip with these people, and he needs to check in with you sometimes.

That being said everyone needs time away from their spouses, and maybe he inthe mood for a boys trip to the woods. They way I look at it it’s a win win situation. He gets to have a camping weekend away and you don’t have to spend time with this friend. Does it sting a little that he rather go camping with him, yes but giving him a ltitle space isn’t a bad thing. You can find a friend to take a camping trip with, and next summer plan one for the two of you alone.

Post # 10
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My Fiance has a friend like that, and many “discussions” have been about it. Not only is it, what the friend says goes, but when Fiance is with said friend, it’s like I don’t exist. 

I finally had to lay it all out there, and really drill it through his head that he acts this way. I know that sounds like lame advice, because I am sure you have tried this, but just my two cents. just keep calming explaining how it makes you feel, and eventually I believe your Darling Husband will come around. and hugs, cause i know that feeling. 

good luck!

Post # 12
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It is definitely getting cold here quicky! (we were just talking about going camping for the same reason). Did he plan this trip to Idaho for the original weekend? What if the two of you go camping that weekend and then go to Idaho when it’s colder?

I once went on a small roadtrip with some friends of my husbands I don’t get along with and it was not a pleasant experience. I agree with PP, maybe yous hould plan somehting else for yourself if he’s so adament about not spending time with you while in Idaho anyway?

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