(Closed) Help and Advice Please

posted 7 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that this is a conversation you need to have with your Fiance, not the Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you’re not comfortable with it, then Fiance should put his foot down. 

But, under no circumstances, should Fiance do ANYTHING that you are uncomfortable with. And don’t feel like you’re ruining his fun–guys can have fun doing a lot of things that don’t involve stuff that freak out their SOs.

I can’t tell you how many bees have thought they would be okay with strippers and the like only to find out too late that they’re really not.  

Post # 4
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think there should be any rules about non-communication. And I don’t think Bridesmaid or Best Man should dictate anything to you. You and your Fiance should talk about what you think is acceptable and what you are comfortable with.

Post # 5
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Mandy Starr: I agree with the previous poster, this is a conversation that your Fiance should have with the best man. Plus, its up to your Fiance that he wants to call or not.

I would just relax, you are engaged and your Fiance loves you. You and him should have a conversation about the bachelor party or weekend and not worry about what the Bridesmaid or Best Man says. 

Post # 7
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I apologize if this comes off as harsh, but what your Fiance said just irritates me. It is NOT up to his Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s up to him. And while he’s an adult and can do whatever he wants (within the boundaries of your relationship, that is), he should still consider your feelings in this. if you are uncomfortable with the situation, then he should consider that and look for ways to get you more on board with it – whether that’s changing the “no communication” rule and calling you, or not keeping you completely in the dark about what the plans are for the party.

Post # 9
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that it is the Bridesmaid or Best Man job to plan the party, but it is up to you and your Fi to decide what is appropriate, strippers, Vegas, etc…. If you trust him it will be fine. He’s not going to jeopardize your relationship for a party, even with a sceaming Bridesmaid or Best Man. Kill him with kindness, once Bridesmaid or Best Man sees that he can’t upset you with this, he will move on to other things. Good luck!

Post # 10
16 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hi sweety,

You will come across men that are basically peer pressured into doing things with “the men” on the bachelor part.  I agree with most posters here, that it is truly between you and your Fiance how things will go down that weekend.

If your fiance respects your wishes to have him call you, then, it should be honored.  If you both agree not to get phone calls, then that should be honored.  (But, if one of you calls back to back, there could be an ER and you should answer 🙂  )

If your Fiance goes to Vegas, and he does not call you, bottom line, HE is making that CHOICE.  No one is forcing him to not call you, no matter how much they tell you they were not allowed – unles he is in jail and he wasted his first phone call. 🙂  They have phones everywhere.

Post # 11
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am on the same page as the rest of the bees. I think that even though it is the BM’s role to help plan the bachelor party, it is ultimately up to you and your Fiance to decide when, where, and what you are both going to do. Not only that, but you both should feel comfortable and secure with the decisions that are made.

And I have to agree with Bubu82. It sounds like your Fiance is using the “it’s not up to me it’s up to my BM” excuse as a cop-out for somethig he really wants to do, but won’t man up and tell you. (Not saying any of this to be mean) It just really irks me, and I feel if you are uneasy, then he should be concerned.

We’ve gotten a ittle flack from both sides of our Wedding Party for our decision to have a joint weekend bachelor/bachelorette party (i.e. “You HAVE to have a girl’s night out!!!!”). We are each going to do our own thing (him with the fellas, me with my gals) during the day, then are planning to come together for a huge cookout/campout/four wheeling/ lake party. We’re not huge partiers, and honestly it isn’t that big of a deal to us to “get wild”. We’ve been together for 5 years, and would much rather be with each other than apart.

Don’t let anyone push you around, or make you feel pressured into something you aren’t comforttable with. Try talking to Fiance again. Let him know just how much it bothers you. Good luck! Hope it all turns out well for you!

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