Help! Annoyed. Opinions, thoughts?!

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
7754 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

That is wildly inappropriate and completely disrespectful. You have every right to be suspicious- at the most it’s an affair, at the least he’s just being an inconsiderate daft ass but either is bad. I would drop the hammer on that today.

Post # 4
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

He knows what he is doing is wrong and you wouldn’t be ok with it, which is why he  straight up lied to you about where he was.  If he didn’t know or tho l it was an issue he would have just told you straight out where he was and what he was doing. clearly he does not respect you enough to not only not lie to you but to act on things he knows are wrong. What a winner. 

Post # 5
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Keep your Hubby right away from this lady!

My Hubby is pretty good friends with our male neighbours and one day one of them certain over to see my hubby. The conversation started and we were chatting for a good three or four minutes before he said “Is ***** in the shower”? I said “No, he is working overtime tonight” he looks at the driveway, and playfully slaps himself on the head (obviously because my hubbys car wasn’t there. Then he apologised “I’m so sorry, I had no idea, I’ll leave now” and so on. We hadn’t left the verandah! He felt awful, then after Hubby came home he made a point of coming over to apologise. My Hubby told him straight out, told him he wouldn’t be impressed if we were in the house alone together etc… but a chat on the verandah was fine. He has never chatted with me since anyway. 

I guess I’m telling the story became he realised that some things are inappropriate, and being alone with your friends SO is one of them. 

You need to do something, if she doesn’t see a boundary has been crossed (or does and doesn’t care) than she is trouble, with a capital T

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  sandy85. Reason: typo
Post # 6
Member
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Shady..

Not only what he’s doing but the fact that he knows its wrong and lies to you. I would be concerned about how little he respects you and your relationship.

Post # 7
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

MrsBuesleBee:  +1 this!

The half-truth answers or riddles about his whereabouts are bullshit. I would be pissed. Especially if you’re already having issues!? This is completely unacceptable. If this were a mutual long time friend I wouldn’t care so much but she isn’t–oh hell no.

Post # 10
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think that this, combined with your past posts are very concerning. Are you guys still in separate rooms?

Post # 11
Member
2112 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Nikki I just went back thru the threads you mentioned and with this new info it really sounds like you’re going through a terrible time with your husband.

I know other Bees have said this but it really does seem like your husband is no longer “in” your relationship. He’s checked out. He repeatedly ignored your attempts to communicate, didn’t get the importance of your letter, has made zero efforts to do anything to make the situation better for you, didn’t dispute your sleeping in the other room (is this still the case?) and is now chatting up some neighbor in her garage and lying about it. None of this sounds like he’s in love with you, like he loves you or considers you.

The worst part is you’re going through this phase of doing everything you possibly can to try and make him interested in you, the relationship and your marriage. You should never have to WORK to get someone to love you. Yes, you should work to be the very best person you possibly can when you love someone and they love you back, but not as a starting point, do you see the difference?

While communication is key, research has shown that it’s actually not the most important predictor or component for a successful marriage. Friendship is. I know others have recommended you read the five love languages so I’m not going to do that again, I will however recommend you read The Seven Principles to Making a Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. I believe this experimental psychologist married a clinical psychologist and is one of the only in the field to go into why traditional couples’ therapy (focused on communication and active listening) doesn’t usually work and what to do instead. I hope it helps!

Post # 13
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry 🙁  I looked back at your other post too.  You’re in a tough situation.  You’ve tried talking to him and expressing your concerns and can’t get on the right track.  Have you tried being the one to plan date night?  Trying to plan other activities with him to get him more involved in your life together?  Meal planning, plans to have people over or do some kind of activity on the weekend?

Post # 15
Member
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Nikkimcq:  I can’t imagine how painful this must be. You appear to want to work through this and his actions make it seem like he doesn’t. It shouldn’t be this much work to get your husband to respect you and make you feel like you’re in a partnership together.

Is he open to counselling?

 

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