Help- are these shower gifts or wedding gifts? (poll)

posted 3 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Are these gifts for my shower or gifts for our wedding?
    These gifts are probably for the shower : (3 votes)
    50 %
    These gifts are probably for the wedding : (1 votes)
    17 %
    #1 or #2 is for the shower, but the other is for the wedding : (1 votes)
    17 %
    Who knows- ask (please suggest wording for asking) : (1 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I think #1 is probably a wedding gift since she is not going. I think #2 might be for the shower but from both of them. I would not put “thank you for the shower gift” on either, as the second might also be the wedding gift. I would thank the couple as a whole though for both, since #1 is not going to the wedding and #2 had both names signed. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    When writing a thank you, just say “thank you for the gift”.  There is no need to specify whether or not it’s a shower gift or a wedding gift.  At the end of the day, there is not much difference.  Most people don’t differeniate between the two.  For example, if I go to someone’s shower and bring them a very nice and appropriate gift from the registry, I don’t bring a second gift to the wedding.  The shower gift WAS their wedding gift. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    5432 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    I agree with PPs that you don’t have to specify in the TY card if the gift was the shower gift or wedding gift. OP, you can just say thank you so much for ______ and thank both couples (not just the women) to cover all of your bases.

    Racedowntheaisle: I don’t really agree though that if you take a gift to the shower then you shouldn’t take one to the wedding. They’re two different parties and I don’t think you should show up empty handed to either of them unless you sent the gift to the bride and groom ahead of time (and in that case you should really bring a card to the event in place of bringing the gift with you). Maybe I’m just misunderstanding, because I’ve never heard of people giving one gift that does ‘double-duty’ in a sense aha.

    Post # 6
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee

    sugarpea:  I have certainly purchased gifts for friends for both their weddings AND showers (and engagement parties as well), but a lot of people don’t.  For a recent friend’s wedding I got them an engagement gift, gifts for both showers I attended, and a gift for the bachelorette party.  So no, I didn’t purchase an additional gift for the wedding itself- not out of lack of respect for them, but because I thought I had already conveyed how happy I was for them.  Likewise, I have a friend getting married this summer and I chose to only purchase one of the most expensive items they were registered for because I knew it would be more special to her than getting a lot of little things for each occasion.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6900 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Shkragoldfish:   Actually, it’s correct to sign a letter from just one person, including for wedding gifts given to both of you.  Of course the letter can and should  reference the sentiments of your fiance or spouse.   So, you’d do  exactly the same thing  for a shower gift and a wedding gift ie   ” Tom and I love the new food processor and can’t wait to put it to use!  We can’t wait to share our wedding day with you/ We will miss you at the wedding, but can’t wait to tell you all about it”  Love, Daisy

     I think it’s possible that Gift #1 was a shower gift, but time will tell. If the woman in example #2 came to the shower, did she bring a gift at that time?  If not, one or both of the gifts might be the shower present. 

    People do sign greeting cards from more than one person.  

    In any case, there is no need to ask.   If another, larger present arrives later on, you will have your answer. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    5432 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

    Racedowntheaisle:  Oh thanks for clarifying! I think things must be a bit different in my area (:

    Shkragoldfish:  #1 sounds like a shower gift since just the woman signed it. For #2 it’s much trickier since they sent two cards and two similarly priced items. If you know which card came with which item then I would say that the gift that came with the card signed by both is the wedding gift and the one that came with a card signed by just the woman is the shower gift. If you have no idea which card came with which item, then I would just send one thank you card and sign it from you and your FI. Since couple #2 isn’t into etiquette then they probably won’t know that you’re technically supposed to send separate thank yous for shower and wedding gifts (: Honestly, it doesn’t really matter – people will just be pleased to get a TY since brides seem to really slack on them these days aha.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It really doesn’t matter if one or both of your sign them. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    6900 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Shkragoldfish:   I think Miss Manners explains by saying, tongue in cheek of course,  that eventually someone will receive a letter from Tom, Jane, Billy, Johnny and Fido and “at least one of them will not have authorized the sentiments.”  Of course, no one is ever going to be anything but appreciative that  you had the class to write and  thank them.  I just thought that knowing this bit of etiquette trivia might help to solve your immediate dilemma. 

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