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![HELP!!!! (army? what to do...advice please!) [ kinda long..sorry! ]](http://boards-static.weddingbee.com/images/right-loop-button-on.gif)
What a difficult situation for you! I know how hard long distance relationships are and I know how much harder they get due to the military (FI is in the Army). As for the Army decision, I guess the only thing you can do is to really, really encourage your FI to think long and hard about this decision. Unlike college, if he decides the Army isn't his thing, he just can't pull out. It's a huge commitment, as you already know. Deployments suck...FI being out in the field all the time sucks....not being able to just fly and see eachother whenever you want sucks. It's difficult, but it really makes you appreciate your relationship. You are right though, if he does join, it's going to affect you in so many ways. I told my FI I had no intentions in "living the army life" when raising a family. And he took that into consideration when he was deciding to reup or not (he chose not to).
As for a courthouse wedding now or wedding next December, I almost say get married now! The Army doesn't recognize fiancee's, but they do recognize wives. My FI is enlisted and isn't an officer, so I'm not sure how much easier in terms of scheduling (ask ejs, I believe her husband was a Captain in the army...I think) would be....but as soon as your FI joins the Army, you'll realize that you can't get married on "your" schedule, but on the "Army's" schedule. I'm getting married in the dead of winter because that's the only time my FI could get leave. So, just be prepared in rearranging your wedding date if he joins and you guys decide to wait. I didn't even know that my wedding date was set in stone until about 8 weeks before the wedding...talk about a stress case. lol
Good luck with everything!
Thank you so much! I have talked to ejs and she has also been a lot of help. I can't imagine not knowing the date for sure. STRESSFUL! I am worried about planning a wedding, and sending invitations without being sure he'll be home. As much as i want the elaborate ceremony, the marriage is what's important. id rather be able to go along with him as his wife than have to stay here as his girlfriend/fiance. & i know that when it comes time to reenlist, we can decide from there. it's just a little tough to say yes when it's so life changing and longterm.
Here's a funny story for you...I am typically a very, very laid back person. I don't lose my cool very often. Well, when my FI and I first got engaged, we were shooting for the following December because that's when he knew he would get leave. He told me that he should know his exact days when he got to use new unit in July....Well, September comes around...still no dates...I start to get antsy b/c I am handmaking my 200 invites...October comes around...still no date. We were pretty sure the date we picked out would work but i didn't want to send out the invites until I knew for sure! Well, beginning of November comes around...which is roughly 7 weeks until the wedding...still no date...I FLIPPED! I knew it wasn't my FI's fault, that he had been asking and asking, but because of training schedules, they hadn't released the block leave dates. I yelled and screamed and threatened, and I quote, "To go down there and kick your 1st Sgt's a$* if he doesn't give my bleep bleep bleep wedding date." LOL Thankfully my FI knew I wasn't mad at him, rather mad at the Army for not letting me know if I could get married....To make matters even worse, the very next day, the 1st Sgt. released the block leave dates. I felt like such a heel! lol But...it's something you learn to live with. You plan with the understanding it can all change!
And I feel for you. As long as FI isn't stop lossed, we have a light at the end of the tunnel for when he's out of the Army. It is such a huge commitment and very life changing, but when two people are meant to be together, you can soooo make it work!!!!
Mrs. Menard TO BE!!!
I'm sortof in a similar situation, deciding whether or not I want to do the courthouse wedding or wait to do the big ceremony, but jsdragonfly is right. My fiance and I are engaged (obviously haha) and the Marine Corps certainly does not recognize fiancees. It's hard for us to live together unmarried, especially when I'm unemployed and can't get any of the benefits even though just a piece of paper makes all the difference. As far as being a military wife is concerned, even though I'm not there yet but have been as a military fiancee moving around with him, it really is all about sacrifice. I really do think that if you love someone so much, especially when they're in the military, you kind of have to think of that and almost put yourself second. When you think about it, its like "ok well this person has given up their life for me, for the country, and could go into harms way at any time and potentially not come back". The sacrifice is huge, and it takes a very special woman to be a military wife (or significant other). It is very hard sometimes being alone, not having your other half readily available when you need them, and I think its especially hard moving from place to place and not knowing anybody, but you can make it through, and its almost fun in a way. I get so proud when I get to say that my fiancee is in the Marine Corps, and its fun to move to new places that I never would have even considered going to. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to analyze what is really most important to you, and just go with your gut.
Good luck girlfriend!!
My brother and sister in law met in the army ..lol ..and according to her its very stressful ..but 2 kids and about 25 yrs later still 2gether and as of march of this passed yr , they were still in army ..they both finally retired from it.. I think like everything it has its good and bad....good- u guys get to travel different places ..i have things from germany,korea , and last yr got to visit them in England.. Also provide college tuition if fiance chooses to, and money not good at first , but the longer u stay the better the pay ... The bad ..yeah there are alot of lonely nights but u do get to bond with the other army wives ..so ur not totally by urself ..and yeah travelings a pain in the ass ..but i think after awhile u get use to that as well.... I would go along and marry him now ..have the reception when he has leave ..the only thing that matters , is that ur 2gether ... Yeah its unpredictable , but think of it this way ..u can always say " sorry its so short of notice but my soldier had to get his leave from the army" or something like that ..and pple can say wow , u must be sooo proud ..i hope that helps. ... Also when ur in the army u don't get alot of time to call or see your families ..so my sister in law puts 2gether a chronicle of the important ups and downs of what has been going on through out the yr and sends them out to us every xmas ..Just so when we finally do see them .,.we can talk and talk about those things.. :) just something for u to think about ..
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okay, so mr. menard & i have been together just short of 5 and a half years. we've been through a lot together and have even endured 2.5+ years living long distance. we've been talking about getting married for a while now and, even though we're not engaged yet, decided we want to get married in December 2010.
HOWEVERRRRRRR...
When we first started dating, he really wanted to join the military. My dad was in the army when i was younger and i wasnt too excited about it. i don't like the idea of moving all the time, living by myself when he's deployed, & raising kids without him there. After a lot of discussion, FH changed his mind and that was it...or so i thought. Long story short...a few days after thanksgiving, he tells me that he doesnt like school anymore and he doesnt think he's doing what he should & i immediately knew where the conversation was going. he wants to join the army.
ive spent the past couple of weeks being completely stressed out of my mind. ive always been quick to say no about this situation. But i dont wanna be the debbie downer that doesnt even consider what he wants. & i dont want him to resent me later in life because i didnt let him do what he wanted. Anyway...im really having a hard time with this. I know how hard it will be and i cant seem to bring myself to say yes.
& on top of everything else, the only way ill be able to move around with him, is if we're already married. He mentioned that we could go to the courthouse and get married legally now and then still have our ceremony in december (hopefully!). I just don't know what to do & i need advice!
Thanks Bees!!