(Closed) [HELP!} Asking a parent to contribute?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4525 posts
Honey bee

Unless your father offers, it’s rude to ask him to contribute. Start looking at other ways to cut back – like chopping the guest list. Do you really need to invite second and third cousins? Great-aunts and uncles? 

Post # 4
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cut your guestlist… its bad taste to ask for money. If your father comes out and offers then you can accept. Start looking at ways to cut back your spending? Eating out budget/shopping budget? Travel budget, etc.?

Or if you can’t cut the headcount, then host a cake/dessert reception or something that is within your 10K budget.

Post # 5
749 posts
Busy bee

If you are on good terms with him and he seems financially sound enough, why not? If it’s out of the blue, it might be a little odd, and if he can’t afford it he might be disappointed.

Post # 6
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

10k is plenty, if your Dad offers $, great!  If not, make it work, soliciting additional funds is terribly rude, especially when you Mother and Step Father already have.

Post # 7
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s rude to ask – if he wants to help out he will offer. 

Depending on what type of wedding you want, it may be difficult to host 250 people on $10,000. I suggest cutting your guest list or pushing your wedding back until you have the money saved up. 

Post # 8
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m in a similar situation with my mom and step-dad offering $10k. My dad hasn’t offered anything, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t contribute, that’s just his personality. SO says his grandma and parents will probably chip in, and anything else we want we will just have to save for.

What about waiting a little longer after you both graduate college to save up a little more? I know waiting to get married is hard, but if you end up getting the wedding you want versus the wedding you had to settle for, it might be worth it. :]

Post # 9
6750 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think it’s in bad taste to ask parents for money, it really depends on what your relationship is like with your parents.  But, I wonder why you would ask your dad and not your FI ask his parents?  Are they not inviting anyone?  I bet you can cut out a huge chunk of extended family on his side – if his parents aren’t paying, they really shouldn’t get a say in the guest list. 

Post # 10
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Why not wait a year or two after college so you guys can pay for some of it yourself?  250 people’s also a big wedding, and $10K probably won’t cover that.

Post # 11
504 posts
Busy bee

I dont think you should ask. If he wants to contribute he will.

Post # 12
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

In my opinion, you should never expect to receive money for a wedding and therefore it would be rude to ask.  If you can’t afford it, wait a couple of years and/or cut your guest list.

Post # 13
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I do not think it is rude to ask. What makes the difference is how you ask. You should speak to him in person and explain that you are working on setting a budget and guestlist and were wondering if he had thought about contributing but you understand if he doesn’t want to. Some people will never offer help until asked, and this is your father, not some stranger. See if you wants to pick up specific line items (photography) or give a set amount of money. Be prepared for him to say no and be prepared to respect that choice.

Post # 14
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TexasAggie2015:  Personally, I think it depends on the relationship you have with your Dad.  I knew going in that my parents would help pay, so I asked “What’s your budget?”  My husband’s parents on the other hand, we weren’t sure about.  So we put feelers out there without outright asking for money.  They wound up covering about $5k, my parents – $13k, and we probably spend about $7k of our own.

I think if you have a good relationship with your Dad, you can ask, but don’t feel entitled to anything.  Ultimately, it’s a gift.  If he’s unwilling to contribute, then so be it.  And don’t get pissy about it!

You work with you got.  And if you only have $10k, make it work.  Whether you cut the guest list, serve mediocre food, nix the florist, whatever.  But do not envision a grand affair if YOU personally can not make it happen.

Good luck!

Post # 15
4059 posts
Honey bee

Personally, I think $10k is a very generous gift and more than enough to host a wedding. I would recommend either cutting your guest list down or having a simple ceremony/reception. Or you could wait longer until you are both employed and capable of contributing more money by yourselves. Honestly, you are young, so waiting would not be terrible if it means saving more for the kind of wedding you want.

Post # 16
11228 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

In my opinion, it would be inappropriate to inquire about available funds if you were asking anyone else but your parents

Although your dad may not be in any position whatsoever to contribute anything toward your wedding, I think it would be fine for you to share with him that you and your FI are now in the early stages of your wedding planning, and you’re just trying to determine the size of your available budget so that you are able to make important, critical-path, long-lead-time decisions such as those involving your guest list and venue. I think you could then simply say that, if he is planning to offer you any type of financial gift for your wedding, it would be very helpful to know that information now, rather than later. However, you should quickly add that, if he is not in a position to offer any type of financial gift, you would certainly understand that and would welcome his love and emotional support as you prepare for your big day. 

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