HELP! Asking someone to be your bridesmaid pressure free!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you are close enough with her to ask her to be a bridesmaid I would probably try and have the conversation face to face. Explain to her that you understand what she’s going through and that she may not want to be your bridesmaid so there is no pressure… And tell her you don’t want her answer either way for say, a week. That way she can take the week to think about it and let you know and you aren’t pressuring her to answer right away.  If you can’t meet her face to face or don’t think you can get your words right (which I have trouble with!) I’d write her a letter explaining your ‘dilemma’. 

 

Does that help?

 

Post # 5
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Depending on how openly she has talked to you about her situation, you could say something like “if you would like to be a part of my big day, I would be honored if you would stand next to me as my bridesmaid” (maybe alter the language a bit, that is just a suggestion). I just think you should end the message on the *happy* note of asking her.

Post # 6
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think texts would be hard to get across the “if you are up for it part.”  In this case, I would also be clear what it means to be a bridesmaid to you.  Does it mean to wear an awesome dress and stand with you, or do you expect her to be apart of all the trappings (bridal shower, bachelorette party, envelope stuffing, ect). I am sure with emotional issues, she will want to know what to expect up front, and also be glad to know if she doesn’t need to do all of this.  

A letter sounds like a great way to do this in your casem though I would also suggest possibly waiting until you know what your schedule is for Christmas.  It’s really not that faraway, and asking face to face is always the best idea.

Post # 7
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am kind of in the same boat: with a close friend who I consider family. I was planning on talking about my big day with her and asking if she’d like to be by my side that day…..or would she be more comfortable doing something else.

I have some time though…..

But you’ve been given some good suggestions. Good luck!!

Post # 8
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

“Hey, Name, I would be honored for you to be one of my bridesmaids- it would mean a lot to have you with me on my special day. I know that you’ve been going through a lot lately, and if this would be too much/not something you want to do, I’d understand that.”

I like the idea of letting her know the expectations. If your wedding date is in October, you should be able to wait until Christmas to ask her- in person would be so much better. If your work schedule won’t permit you to see her on Christmas Day, see if you can meet her for coffee the day before or after.

Post # 9
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ya I agree letting her know your expectations is also a good idea. And I still think a letter/email is better than texting if you can’t meet face to face. 

Post # 10
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@SimplyEuphoric:  I work in the ER too, and am working Christmas! woo Frown

 

Post # 11
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@SimplyEuphoric:  I said this to two of my bridesmaids… basically just said straight out, the honest truth that “I’d love to have you as a bridesmaid” quickly followed by “but if you can’t or don’t want to or whatever, just come along for the party! It would be awesome to have you there either way!” And then I told them to think about it – no pressure to commit or give me an immediate answer. Just be nice and be honest!

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