Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
Well My Beautiful Bees,
I took your adivce and tried to get my SO to give me an Engagement Timeframe (like I saw many of you suggested as an attempt to get put out of your misery if you are waiting in suspense and buckling under the excitement of it all) but my attempt to get him to give me something I could work with failed….miserably.
I did have some success, I would say, because my SO and I have long-ago established that we want to marry on our anniversary and hoped it fell on a Saturday and Aug 15 falls on a Saturday in 2015. When I made that discovery and informed my SO about it last night he said, “Sounds good to me!” We also established we want a 2 year engagement so if 2015 sounds good to him and we would need to be engaged 2 years before that would be 2013!!! – this year!!! So with all of that ground being covered in one conversation, I figured it would be a safe bet that we would be getting engaged this year and just wanted to verify that with him and he said (using my first name which he NEVER calls me by my first name unless he is mad or really trying to make a point), “You aren’t going to get me to tell you when I am proposing. You just aren’t.” So I said, “So it could be a year, two years, three years?” He said, “It could be next weekend, a year, two years, three years, either way I’m not telling you.”
So while I laughed it off (because the mood was pretty light during this convo), it still raised my worries a bit. He just asked me less than a week ago for my ring size and what kind of engagement ring I’d like but I also know him and know he can begin doing his homework on something that is not for months or maybe even years down the line! Think I should put more weight into him liking the idea of a 2015 wedding date and only a two year engagement (so that would put us at a 2013 deadline) or do you think there is a chance it was all talk? A bit of background, we have been dating now 6 years and 4 months!
I need your expertise, Bees. Thanks!
Post # 3
It sounds to me like he has plans and is afraid you’ll discover them and ruin the proposal. I would back off for three months and if nothing has happened mention it again.
Post # 4
Let it go!!! He has a plan, and you just have to trust in him. He asked the size and the style, you had the talk, if you keep badgering him he’ll not want to do it. Just let him do his thing!
Post # 5
Maybe because I’m going through my own version of this but this is annoying and unfair to me. Why does he get to dictate? Why can’t this be something to discuss and agree upon? It’s your life and you shouldn’t have to walk blindly. I would push for more clarification but that’s me.
Post # 6
@ComputerLove06: I would say that timelines work for some people and some couples, but not everyone can have that crystal clear timeline. It sounds like you guys have one– you want a 2 year engagement and to get married in August 2015. That would mean that an engagement is probably coming between June and November 2013. If you are okay with the Aug 2015 timeine, I would say to wait until late-February 2014 to bring it up again. At that point, I would say “a year and a half ago we talked about getting married in August 2015 and having a 2 year engagement. Clearly we can’t have both now, but do you still see yourself wanting to get married in August 2015? If so, I will need a year to plan the wedding”
My timeline was also not really traditional– FI and I both are very analytical people. We said 4 months into dating we would discuss engagement a year from then. We ended up discussing it a little earlier, but the gist was the same– I wanted to be engaged by August 2012 otherwise I would start planning my life as if I was single (ie moving– which was my plan when we started dating). We knew we wanted a year to a year and a half engagement and he ended up proposing in February.
Post # 7
It sounds like it’s coming sooner rather than later and he just wants it to be a surprise!! I think defintiely in 2013. My vote is for your anniversary (Aug 15th 2013) of this year or sooner!!
Post # 8
@ComputerLove06: Let it simmer and try your hardest to put it out of your mind for a while. Let him do it on his own time or you will regret badgering him (should you badger him from here on out). He wants to marry you and that is wonderful!
Post # 9
Your boyfriend and my boyfriend are much the same. They both seem so wrapped up in surprising us, and we both seem kind of like control freaks. Heh. -_-*
I don’t think he’ll make you wait years…he just doesn’t want to tell you and ruin the surprise. I have to work really hard not to pester BF and trust in his plan. I understand how you feel. I don’t think it will be long than a year more with him. Just back off and trust him.
Post # 10
So I said, “So it could be a year, two years, three years?” He said, “It could be next weekend, a year, two years, three years, either way I’m not telling you.”
He added “could be this weekend—I think he’s got something planned for soon. Probably not for this weekend, but sooner than you think. Give him his space and don’t pressure him. He will ask you when the time is right. Patience will pay off 🙂
Post # 11
@ComputerLove06: I think that he really wants to make this a surprise for you. He’s indicated that he’s researching rings and has asked your opinion. He’s also told you that he likes the idea of a 2 year engagement and he likes the idea of getting married on your anniversary in 2015. That’s a lot of information right there!
Try to relax and be patient. I know it’s tough and it sucks having to wait, but focus on other things for right now. You have a general idea of when it could happen. If it doesn’t happen next year then I second what a PP said; revisit the topic in late 2013 or early 2014 and remind him about what you talked about.
@mamadingdong: I don’t think that he’s leading her blindly through life or anything. I think that they have discussed it a bit. They’ve agreed that they want to get married at some point and that, if possible, they want to get married on their anniversary. He has indicated that he’s researching rings. I think that, personally, it’s kind of sweet that he wants this to be a surprise for her and that it’s nice to see a guy putting so much thought into an engagement. I do see your point though, since I’m also waiting at this point (if all goes according to plan though, it won’t be for much longer).
Post # 12
@LoggerHead91207: we can agree to disagree. A week, 2 years, 3 years sound very vague and very much like telling her something to quiet her down. Just my perception 🙂
Post # 13
You know its coming, so forget about it. Your gonna drive yourself nuts waiting. You know he loves you, you know he’s looking into rings, and he agreed on a date!!! What else could you want (besides the actual proposal)? I think you should chill, knowing your relationship is secure and moving in the right direction. Honestly, I’d get off the bee until he proposes to help you forget about it. He obviously wants you to be surprised, so I’d stop trying to pinpoint when.
Post # 14
@mamadingdong: Sounds good! I do totally get the whole frustration aspect of waiting though. It sucks big time.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead
I think you ladies are all so right and most likely he has a surprise that I am bordering on ruining if I don’t stop breathing down his neck or trying to play Detective and pull it out of him in interrogation. I am still off for the Christmas break and all of this happened over this past break so I think I am still so excited and on a high from it all seeming so soon (potentiall).
@Liinuska: You are probably right that I need to just stay off of the Bee for a while so that I won’t be on such an overload until it comes through. I will see if I can wait until he pops the question before I jump head first back into the Beehive again and keep the Bee on reserve for those tough days when all of my other friends’ wedding planning begins to creep under my skin (and there are about 4 ppl that got engaged that I know, all in this month!).
Thank you all for your patience and words of wisdom and compassion. I wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year!