Post # 1
Wonder if you have any great ideas I am getting married this year, we are all pretty much set apart from one thing that I can’t seem to sort!
My FI parents adopted a little girl (when I say little she is actually 13) and is lovely but we don’t really have much to do with her, it is important to make her feel involved in the wedding day but I don’t know how. There are no roles for her to fill that jump out at me.
Basically FIs mum wants her to be a BM but thats just not fair on my BMS and she can’t be a bridesmaid for various other reasons.
However the ideas I think of to involve her always seem to get looked over, I have asked if she would do a reading at the church and if she would walk out of the church with the wedding party in arm with my brother.
FIs mum doesn’t seem to want anything apart from her to be a BM (she is used to getting her own way).
I basically said well you think of something for her to do then and left it as that.
Any suggestions? Perhaps she could be in charge of the confetti as well although I am afraid anything I say now will sound like an after thought. 🙁
Post # 3
This girl could be an older flower girl, and she could even help direct and take care of the younger flower girls. This might be exciting for her, because she would be in charge of something, yet she would also get to be in the wedding. She could even wear something age appropriate. (No a flowncy youngish looking flower girl dress and not a sassy bridesmaid dress, but something in between that would make her feel proud)
Post # 4
@amybee444: i agree with older flower girls. you shouldnt be forced into having anyone as a bm.
Post # 5
Why not make her a Jr. BM? I was one in my brotger’s wedding when I was a kid and I never forgot it.
Post # 6
I think your suggestion of having her do a reading is really nice – that’s a great wedding role.
How does your FH feel about it? Could he have her as one of his attendants? His family shouldn’t be pressuring you, he’s the one who needs to make sure his own family feels good about their roles. He should also make the case to his mom about having her do a reading.
Do you know how your FSIL feels about it? Does she care about this at all or is it your FMIL stirring up trouble? Maybe you could find out if she doesn’t care, or wants to have a special dress and makeup, or would be happy with a reading, or what.
Post # 7
Have her as a junior bridesmaid! My FI has a 11 year old sister (she’ll have just turned 12 two weeks before the wedding) and we are going to have her as our junior bridesmaid. She will stand with the other BMs and will wear either the same dress or one that is similar. She will come with us to get our nails done the day before the wedding and will get hair and some makeup done with the BMs. Obviously she will not attend the bachelorette party or have usual BM responsiblities, but she will be present when possible. It makes her feel important! I’m glad to include her.
Bottom line though is that if you don’t want her in your wedding, you don’t have to have her. It is your wedding! Not you FMIL’s wedding. You have final say on the bridal party. Good luck deciding!
Post # 8
@amybee444: How does your FI feel about it? Does he want her to participate? In what capacity?
I don’t see a problem with having her as a Jr. Bridesmaid or a flower girl. A reading might be too much pressure for such a young girl.
Post # 9
I think the issue with a Jr Bridesmaid is that I would not necessarily want a 13YO with me and bridesmaides at nail, at hair (and obviously not other events). I wouldnt have a problem with her standing with other BMs, in coordinated dress. I think a compromise needs to be tactfully discussed with FMIL, along the lines of a lot of conversation at all these places will not be age appropriate for 13YO.
Post # 10
@amybee444: I recommend thinking of several options that you and your FI are ok with, and asking the girl. Take her out for coffee or lunch or something, and ask her, “would you like to do any of these, or would you rather sit and relax as a guest?” I have to admit that I would not take a reading seriously if it was given by a 13-year old. What does a 13-year old know about marriage? I personally feel that readings should be given by people who have some experience with love. Not saying they have to be married, but they should have some experience with love or at least with life so you can imagine they know what they’re talking about. Some other things that PP’s have mentioned (in this thread or others):
- Jr Bridesmaid
- Head Flowergirl
- Pass out programs
- Oversee guestbook and/or favor table if you have one
- Hostess (helping guest find their escort cards, directing them to tables, maybe escorting “special” guests directly to their table)
Post # 11
@juanita.kelly.9: When I was a Jr. Bridesmaid as a kid I didn’t go to the salon with everyone else or anything like that. Actually, I don’t even think I was aware that that’s what all the other bridesmaids did. The bride took me dress shopping for a nice, age-appropriate black dress (I was 11 at the time). She made it a special bonding day for us. The day of the wedding I showed up for pics with my parents and wasn’t even in most of the wedding party photos. Once again, I was a kid and didn’t notice. About an hour before the ceremony I went into the hotel room where all of the other BMs had already gotten ready. One of them did my hair, another did my makeup, and then the bride came in and gave us our bridesmaid gifts. I got a nice bath set from Bath & Body Works. When it was time for the procession another bridesmaid held my hand as we went up (she was being escorted by a groomsman) and I stood just slightly in front of the last one on the stage so that the lines weren’t uneven.
I was given a choice to sit at the head table or with my mom. Of course I chose the head table, but everyone was so busy laughing and talking and congratulating the bride and groom that no one really cared that I was there and I got to laugh and be a part of it too.
Post # 12
Could she watch over your guest book?
Post # 13
She’s only 13– make her a Jr BM! It’s really just the honorary title! She obviously won’t be involved with the shower or bachelorette party, and it will make FMIL happy. And for your sake, keep FMIL happy!
Post # 14