Post # 1
FI and I are having a child-free wedding. This has been made clear for months, both by our invites being addressed very specifically, and the fact that our website flat out says so and we’ve made sure to spread it by word of mouth, as well. There are two reasons for this, our guest list and venue size.
My wedding is now a month away and I have just found out that my aunt plans to just show up with her two young children. There are a few reasons this pisses me off, the main one being that she is very aware we have not invited any kids. She RSVPed for just her and her husband as she should have, but still intends to just show up with two extra bodies in tow.
I know this through my sister and MOH who my aunt told this to. When my sister reminded her that there wouldn’t be any seats for the kids, my aunt replied “we’ll make it work.”
Now, the three big issues here. One, there literally is no room for her children. Two, we’ve already gotten enough flack from both sides of the family that our guest list wasn’t big enough and that adults that “should” have been invited weren’t. Two, FI’s family have all made arrangements to travel without their kids even though they weren’t thrilled about it, and my aunt thinks she can just ignore the rules and show up with her whole family. Three, it’s the priniciple of it! The fact that she knows what she’s doing and doesn’t care just drives me crazy!
So bees, I have two options: do I awkwardly confront my aunt and tell her she has to leave her kids at home, or do I just play stupid, let her show up with her kids, act surprised and deal with it then?
Post # 3
Yikes how rude of your aunt! I would be seriously ticked off! If it were me I would call her out on it and tell her you heard she was planning on bringing her children even though they were not invited. I would caution her that they would be turned away at the door if they choose to bring them because they will not have seats. Then actually have someone greeting at the door and willing to turn them awtheir they show up. That might be tough but I wouldn’t stand being bullied by my aunt at my own wedding!
If they feel like they can not leave their kids then they should politely RSVP ‘no’.
Post # 4
I agree with the PP, I would say something to her now. We are also having a child free wedding and a lot of people are not happy about it. I know if someone showed up with kids I would hear all about it and it might be the one thing these people remember from the wedding.
If you say something to her now and she still brings them, well then you did everything you could and it is completely on her.
Post # 5
@TattedNYBride: Could you volunteer to find a babysitter for her? Is that why she has to bring them? I would reiterate no kids and see if you can get your mom or dad to explain that to her. I’m fearing a very similar dilemma (especially with those who have infants).
Post # 6
third option: play dumb but hire security to bounce anyone bringing their kids.
Post # 7
Simply remind her children are not invited, and you find it extremely disrespectful that she seems to think she’s above the rules. I would probably also mention that if she intends to show up with her children, they will be turned away.
Post # 8
Why are people so freakin rude! I think you need to tell her flat out, “LISTEN, NO KIDS..PERIOD! The venue is not spaced for it, and also your going to cause drama from people you have RESPECTED the no kids rule. If you do show up with the kids, then im sorry but you will be asked to leave.”
Or tell her that you will send her a $200 bill for the meal of the kids and some other bd you can come up with.
Post # 9
I hate it when family puts us in these kinds of situations.
THEY are being rude and overstepping boundaries and then we have to look like the bad guys when we turn them away. Jerks.
Post # 11
Is this a local wedding for her or is she travelling? Either way it is COMPLETELY inconsiderate of her if she was told not to already. It sucks because you’ll look like the ass when it is on her.
If it is local, just tell her flat out no. Give someone who knows her the job of turning the kids down and explaining that she RSVPed for 2 and this is a no-kids event. Tell her ahead of time you will expect her and her partner, not her children (reminding her this is a child free event)
If it is a destination, tell her you will get her the names of a good babysitter or two to arrange for her kids to be watched and reiterate that this is a no-kid event.
Post # 12
The FI and I each have a family member that we’re sure will bully their kids in – for me, it’s my cousin, for my FI, it’s his uncle.
The thing with my cousin is that she is the ONLY guest that has little kids and she’s local (most of our guest list has to fly in from out of state) so hiring a babysitter for the night should be easy. Only problem is – her two children have run every babysitter out of town. They have behavior issues and they can’t keep a babysitter – they always quit.
YEA – sign me up to have those two at the wedding.
Post # 13
How stinking rude of your aunt! I’m with PPs who say – call her, remind her that it is child-free, and that you are truly offended that she plans to disregard your wishes on your day and as the hostess of this event. If this were me, I would call her, and if she in any way did not deny that she said that to your sister, MOH, whomever I would immediately rescind her invitation to the event altogether right then and there. Ain’t nobody got time for that nonsense! She just takes rude to a whole new level with that BS.
Post # 14
I know I probably should just speak to her about it. I think what makes it particularly hard is that she has helped out with my shower and wedding planning, so it’s not like we’re not usually on good terms. I’m also pretty close to these kids and I’ve also heard through the grapevine that her kids have alread bought outfits and are very excited, and now I’m going to be the bad guy 🙁
To answer a PP’s question, the issue is definitely not a babysitter, she just didn’t bother to make arrangements I guess. Her kids are very social, have lots of friends, are on sports teams with kids that have parents she’s friends with, so she could have made arrangements if she wanted to.
I just know that it’s going to look bad when FI’s family sees her kids and wonders why she was allowed an exception and their kids weren’t, you know?
I’ve thought about asking my mom to speak with her, but I guarantee my mom will just defend her and say that kids should have been invited in the first place.
Post # 15
Confront her. Or have whoever’s sister she is (your mom or dad) speak with her and tell her that she will be turned away is she shows up with her kids.
Post # 16
@TattedNYBride: “I’ve also heard through the grapevine that her kids have alread bought outfits and are very excited, and now I’m going to be the bad guy :(“
Not your problem; your aunt knew it was child free … boo on her for not making a sitter arrangement and for spending money on outfits to an event they were not invited to attend.
If your aunt is an otherwise nice, normal, well mannered person, talk to her – in person – and convey that it is nothing personal toward her kids, that you love them, etc. This is about creating a setting that you and your FI desire for your special day, adhereing to space constraints of the venue fire code/regs, etc., and that every single other guest has agreed to adhere to your request, and that you feel like she will be singled out and frowned upon if she brings her kids because everyone else will have been responsible enough to make the necessary arrangements, and it will reflect VERY negatively on her.