Post # 1
As background, my fiance and I came to the (difficult) decision to cut our guest list because of financial constraints, and the easiest way to do that for family (my side is large) is to only invite aunts and uncles because I have about 25 cousins between my mom and dad.
My mom just told me today that some of my older cousins had asked my aunts if they might be able to attend the ceremony. She has asked me this regarding some of her and my dad’s friends, whether they could just invite them for the ceremony, and I said no, because it is rude to invite someone to one but not the other.
Part of me knows that my family is very low-key and it would probably be fine to just have the cousins who want to come to the ceremony, but part of me thinks it is just rude, and we cannot afford to have any more guests at the reception (we’re already doing cocktails and hors d’oeuvres for only 65 because it was what we could afford in the DC area on our small budget).
Bees, I’m just so distraught, I thought we had already cleared up this issue, part of me also doesn’t want my cousins to feel slighted (mom accused me of thinking they weren’t good enough, which was awful), and another part of me just thinks it would be so rude to invite people to the ceremony but nothe reception.
Any advice?? I’m so upset!
Post # 3
If they are okay with just coming to the ceremony, why not let them come.
Post # 4
Tough one, It would have to be made absolutely CLEAR that they are to come to the ceremony ONLY. I don’t know how that would work, but if they have it clear in their heads than it would be ok to do, especially since they are the ones suggesting it. It may also be their way of coming to both, so tread carefully when responding to these requests. Make sure they understand that there is no room for them at the reception and they will be turned away.
Post # 5
This is Tough!!
I do think it would be very awkard for them to only go to the ceremony; but we do have to understand that some people don’t have this “that is rude” mantality, and although they really may be comfortable with just going to the ceremony, I think for your sake, I would say no. However, would it be possible for you two to host a get together at your/friend/families home after the wedding? Then you can invite your cousins over for an after the wedding celebration, that way you are still celebrating with them vs. leaving them out completely.
As a sidenote, we did the same thing: invited aunts & uncles and no cousins because we have waaaay to many.
Post # 6
It is very normal for there to be more people at the ceremony than at the reception. I would invite the closest family members to the reception, and the rest can attend the ceremony if they wish. You shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to invite absolutely everyone to the reception.
I would feel more slighted to not be invited to anything than to just be invited to the ceremony. Just be clear to your aunts that the reason you’re not inviting cousins to the reception is due to finances and space constraints… they should understand.
Post # 7
Thanks! I think you’re both right – I decided to invite them to the ceremony and let my mom deal with any awkwardness.
And we’ll make sure that my parents are on the hook for the charges at the end of the reception in case anyone decides to come anyway…