Help…. Bfs parents say he isn't ready.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

I know to some extent we all want our parent’s approval, but if his parent’s opinion will sway him out of his own decision, then maybe they’re right and he isn’t ready to become independent.

Did they give reasons?  Would they like to see him be able to buy a house first?  Would they like him to be done with school?  Would they like him to have more than an entry level job?  What are their reasons?

 

Post # 4
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think what you are feeling is hurt and a bit disgusted that his love for you was not strong enough to make him feel secure in your decision to marry in the face of criticism… Like, if he was sure this was the right path would anything deter him?

Post # 5
Member
2840 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If he is letting his parents dictate whether or not he is ready for marriage, he is not ready for marriage.

Post # 10
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Oh sweetheart, 25 is NOT old lol!!

Seriously though, he’s going to have to cut the umbilical cord at some point. If he’s still letting his parents dictate his major life decisions like that, he’s not mature enough to get married yet. I’m sorry, but that’s the meat of it. You  can either stick around and “grow up” with him (knowing that he may become fully independent OR he may be a mama’s boy forever). Alternatively, you can consider if this is reeeeally the kind of person you want to bind your whole life to. Both of those are valid, and both need to be considered.

Sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 11
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

luot:  it is entirely fair. He will be your husband, not them.

Post # 12
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Have to agree, if he is so easily swayed by his parents, then they are right. He isnt ready for marriage and probably isnt completely secure in your relationship. I understand can understand your frustration but 25 isnt exactly “OLD” also being “impatient” may not be the best thing in regards to engagement and marriage.

I think its fair for you to explain why you are upset but I also think that if he is the one and you want to be with him, then give him some time to come around on his own. You dont want to be the girl that “forced” him to get married as that will sit well with his parents and isnt the best way to start off a marriage. Allow him to realize on his own that he is ready for it and tell his parents that, only then would you know that he actually is ready for marriage. Marriage is about the two of you sticking together, not him siding with his parents and you having to adjust to their will. Just my opinion though, I hope he realizes soon that the two of you need to be united as that is what marriage is about. 

Post # 13
Member
5286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

He is either not ready for marriage or he values his parents opinion to the extent of holding off on something he had already decided.  In any case, instead of trying to get engaged right away, I would take it slowly and think if his dynamics with his parents would work for you as part of the marriage. 

Post # 14
Member
6034 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Seems odd that an adult man would let his parents decide for him when he is ready to marry and when he should buy a house, etc. I would expect him to tell them that none of those decisions are theirs to make. 25 is plenty old to decide if you want to get married and if he doesn’t stand on his own two feet now, he never will.

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