Post # 1
I had a bridesmaid just tell me that her brother isn’t coming to the wedding, but instead her boyfriend is coming. The only problem is that we had a very limited guestlist and had to tell other friends that dates weren’t allowed. Now that her boyfriend is coming, another bridesmaid is upset that I “let her” bring her boyfriend and not allow her a date.
My bridesmaid did not ask, or even mention to me that her brother wasn’t coming, or that she was bringing him. Now everyone feels like I let the BM bring her boyfriend and not them, even though she completely went against wedding etiquette and common decency.
FH and I are thinking of just allowing the few people who have asked for their dates to come, and settling the issue. FH is really upset at the rude BM and does not even want her standing with us. I’m fairly upset that she would disrespect me and FH like that, but I don’t know what to do with this situation! What would you do?!
Post # 3
If your budget has room and the venue allows, I would just add the extra guests so your bridal party can have dates.
But first, I would confront the Bridesmaid about her swapping out her brother for her boyfiend and explain the situation it has put you all in.
It will not be an easy conversation, but I think a necessary one out of fairness to all involved.
Post # 4
@smith207: Thanks for the advice. It makes my life a lot easier to be able to just allow the guests, and we certainly have the room and can squeeze the budget for the added guests. I guess I just don’t know how to approach her. It just seems like something that should be handled after the wedding. I don’t really want to stir up problems right before the wedding.
Post # 5
I agree with smith207. I think you are ok bringing it up with her now without causing a big problem because you are still allowing her bf to come. If you needed to tell her he can’t come, then you are much more likely to cause problems. You should make her aware of this situation so that nothing else happens in these last few weeks – just to be on the safe side!
Post # 6
Well I’m wondering if being so upset, and not wanting her to stand up for you is a little harsh. I guess in particular, I’m wondering if she just didn’t undertand it was a big deal to take her boyfriend since her brother couldn’t come. I’m not saying it was the polite thing to do. I’m just saying she might not have meant it in a deliberate “I’m going to bring my bf come hell or high water” attitude.
I’m honestly in favor of allowing the bp to bring dates, even if not the rest of your guests. They put a lot of effort, time and money into your wedding.
Post # 7
@dance: Good point! I guess she can’t be that upset since I’m allowing her to still bring her boyfriend. It’s just hard not to be catty back and refuse to let her bring him. She already purchased his airfare and told him he was invited and everything before she talked to me. I feel disrespected by the fact she didn’t even come to me about it.
Post # 8
@Tanya123: I tried to tell FH that same thing. I don’t think she meant it as a rude act, but simply just didn’t understand the etiquette. FH was more upset than I was. I just would’ve liked to not have been bombarded by an angry BM because of this. I wanted to let the wedding party bring dates, however, our guest list was around 120 and our venue barely holds 100 comfortably, so I had to cut something. Now, we’re below 100 and we have space for the BP dates.