HELP! BM question.

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Just put your foot downt with her and tell her you already have your BM’s picked out.  She’ll get over it.  I’ve been there. I was forced to be friends with my xDH’s best friends wives. I hated them. I didn’t “pretend” to be best friends with them outside of what I had to do….that was including them in personal things…picking BM’s, god parents to my kids…etc…  She’ll get over it. 

Post # 4
Member
11717 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell her you picked girls who have been friends through thick and thin for years, and that you just didn’t have the space for another.  Be honest with her, but don’t be mean about it. 

Would you be willing to give her another role, like a reader or something, so she feels included?  Not an obligation, just a thought!

Post # 5
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

I kind of had the same situation with my SIL.  She is married to my brother and I am marrying HER brother.  She and I are not close, I barely tolerate her.  She had issues because I haven’t/won’t ask her to be a part of the wedding at all.  She wouldn’t yell or cry (to me anyway) because she knows I would tell her… “ummm I need people to calm me for this, NOT stress me out”

I would probably say something like “We only have so many standing and I have known them so many years”  blah blah blah… 

If you wanted to be nice have her do a reading or something small but make it seem important.

 

Post # 6
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe you should start being somewhat honest so she doesnt think youre “bestest friends ever”.. not be mean to her but geez u hav to be being pretty fake if you HATE her and she thinks youre best friends.. 

as far as being ur BM, youre not obligated to pick married couples together to be in your bridal parties.. i wouldnt mention it.. FI should ask her DH when they are alone and shes not around that way there is no conclusion.. he can tell his own wife if she asks “well what about meeee?!” he will say “well, ibblets FI only mentioned me. I think Ibblet already has the rest of her ladies chosen” hopefully that will be enough, becuase it takes a certain kind of person to as “umm am i in your bridal party??”

if she says something to you say, i wasnt trying to offend. I been planning this for most of my life, i already had them picked out… **changes subject** sooo how about those dogers? 

Post # 8
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ibblet:  maybe she doesnt hav lots of friends.. ughhh good luck.. but really you arent abligated ot hav her in your party and dont let anyone tell you that you have to 

Post # 9
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@waitingalongtime:  woah! So you’re like…double SILs! that’s crazy how something like that can happen! sucks that you don’t get along too well, though.

 

@Ibblet:  that’s tough that she’s such a drama queen. FI and I are having one husband/wife couple in our party, but then there’s another couple we’re friends with and he’s only having the husband. I’m not sure if the wife will be hurt because I’m having the other wife of the other couple as a BM (we’re all friends), but oh well. She and I just aren’t as close.

I think (if she asks about it) you should just be straight up and say you already picked these girls, and you’ve known you’d have them for awhile. You just don’t have space for more.

Post # 10
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

@pineapplez17:  Yeah we will be double SIL’s when me and FI get married!  We actually introduced her and my brother a year after we started dating.  We don’t hate each other we just don’t see eye to eye on anything that requires her to put an effort into anything.  She is the definition of LAAAAZY!!

 

@Ibblet:  If you never return calls or have “girly” chats, maybe she won’t be to upset!

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