Post # 1
Hello fellow bees, I am in need of honest opinions and I apologize if it is long.
I have been with my Fiancé for 10 years and engaged for 4 (finally set a date). Since we finally set a date and are paying for the wedding ourselves (we are both in our 40’s) we are going all out. We decided to chose our bridal party and have asked everyone who would be a bridesmaid or groomsmen already. My dilemma is with one of my maid of honors (I have 2). Her and I have been best friends for 10 years and she is more like a sister than a friend. She is now in a relationship with an amazing man and just had her 2nd child at the age of 40 and I am so happy for her. I asked her earlier this summer if she thought she was still going to be able to be my maid of honor because she will have a 1 yr. old and a 13 year old who has significant special needs. I explained that I would support whatever decision she made, but didn’t want her to feel obligated to remain my maid of honor and the most important thing would be for her to be there on our special day to share with us. She said that she would still be able to be my maid of honor and once she had the baby she hoped that she would be able to help me out with planning, etc. The little man is here and is gorgeous and I have limited my contact with her because I know from experience how hard it is to start over with a new baby. She seems to have adjusted well and I will see her soon for her birthday and can’t wait to give her a big hug and tell her how proud of her I am. However, we are now in full planning mode and while we have hired a wedding planner, she is unable to go with me to meet with her and has been unable to go with me to try on dresses. On the other hand my sister-in-law (who is a bridesmaid and just married my brother this past September) has been there every step of the way and will go with us to meet the planner and see what we have chosen thus far. She also went with me dress shopping and has been amazing in assisting me with wedding planning and will call or text me to see how things are going. I’m wondering should I ask my best friend to step down or should I promote my sister-in-law to my Matron of Honor, or just leave everything as it is and consider my time with my sister-in-law as our bonding time? My SIL has been amazing and has already been asking me what I wanted to do for my bridal shower and bachelorette party.
HELP ME BEES, I’m torn. I love both women dearly and do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Post # 3
@shaillo34: I would leave things as is. You are in your 40’s and I would asume perfectly capable of making any necessary decisions. It’s a bonus that your SIL is able to go with you, but it should not count against your MOH that she is not.
I suggest to you that asking your MOH to step down would cause irrevocable harm to your relationship. Is it really worth it?
Post # 4
MOH’s aren’t there to plan your wedding, they are there to stand up wfor you the day of. I think you’re asking far too much of her. It’s great that SIL wants to help out, but your wedding is your priority, no one else’s.
Don’t damage your friendship becasue your MOH dosn’t want to go to every appointment with you Shesh!
Post # 5
I think you shouldn’t expect so much from your MOH. You have a wedding planner and TWO MOHs, if one can’t make it to every little thing bc of a baby, demoting her is really hurtful and could ruin the friendship (if I were her and you demoted me, I likely wouldn’t come to your wedding and would consider the friendship over).
I’m not of the mind that BMs and MOHs just have to show up and look pretty (if that), but I think in this case, where you have a wedding planner and have had 4 years to plan, and knowing she has a baby – you should just leave it alone.
I want my closest friends standing next to me, not just the ones who were able to help with wedding planning, but who have been there for me in life and supported my relationship.
Post # 6
I agree with the rest of the posts you do having a wedding planner to help plan your wedding. This lady you talk highley of is obviously special to you but she will have alot on with a 1 year old and a child with special needs which is extremely hard family’s should always come first she might be struggling. Shes been there for you for the last 10 years and that should count not how many meetings shes attended with you.xx
Post # 7
@shaillo34: I think the last idea is the best ever … b.c. its not nice to demote someone (could cause a rift later) and it works out so perfect they can both be honored but have different titles
and wow thank you i had not thought of that b4 … I have a cousin i love and am close to would like as a moh but my best friend is also dear to me i was her moh and i just want her to get to be for me too but this works my cousin is not married my bestie is so they can both be honored and i won’t have to pick 😀