Post # 1
Ok bees so a little background! My FiancÃ© and I have been engaged nearly two years now. Originally I asked my long time friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Long story short 3 months, a ton of drama, a ton of stress, a bridesmaidzilla and a wrecked friendship later I had to have a heart to heart with her. Things are much better between us but she is now just a guest.
I ended up asking my Future Sister-In-Law to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Now I knew going into it that she lived across the Country, was in and out of jobs and that she is kind of unreliable. However…..here we are 42 days before the wedding and now I am concerned!
I am a very laid back, easy going bride. I am in no way a bridezilla…..I am a little to passive I think. She had planned on coming out here in September……and when that didn’t happen…..October…..and when that didn’t happen…….novemebr…..and when that didn’t happen…….December…..and when that didn’t happen the beginning of January…..and when that didn’t happen the end of January! She finally got here and just my luck I was down with the flu the two days she was here.
She had been “planning” on throwing a bridal shower for me but her Grandpas wife offered as well. They decided to host one together since my Future Sister-In-Law is tight on money right now. The GRandpas wife and I decided on a date and she was supposed to send out invites. 2 weeks later and 20 calls and voicemails to her later……I get a phone call from my Future Father-In-Law who apologizes and says that the Grandpas wife feels it is too late to throw the shower now and will not be doing it. No surprise I guess…I kind of expected that from her…..that’s what she does.
However…..now my Future Sister-In-Law is in beauty school and I find I am throwing my own shower. My mom and a few friends have offered to help but my Future Sister-In-Law aka Maid/Matron of Honor is not helping at all and today said she may not even be there. She is not throwing a bachelorette party, a bridal shower and has not helped with anything……in fact we bought her dress because she couldn’t and it was almost too late to order.
I am frustrated. I love these people and get that they have lives and that it is tough……but I feel that this is just getting kind of rude?! Am I wrong to feel this way? We are paying for the whole wedding ourselves and I am planning it up till the day of all by myself….I can’t handle a shower on top of it….and I was hoping to at least have a girls night out before the weddi….is that now my job too?!?!
What would you do?
Post # 3
I am sorry you are so stressed and going through this. I hope you find some time to relax. I don’t know what I would do if I was you. However, I do send you my best wishes for a wonderful wedding and a long and happy marriage.
Post # 4
I understand the stress. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else on top of the wedding. And it isn’t right she has been MIA this whole time. And you most certainly are NOT a bridezilla! People should be trying to make this easier on you! If you lived in PA I would throw you a bridal and Bach party! I say go to hallmark and get those easy paper invites… Which are cute… And just pick a day for the bridal shower. Don’t do anything big because that makes it stressful. Just do a simple maybe cocktail hour bridal shower. And for the Bach party just send a mass text to some of your girls for the day. I know this isn’t ideal but you do deserve to have something. And I just wouldn’t ask the Future Sister-In-Law to do anything for you in the future. I’m sorry you’re going through this and good luck! It will be a distant memory one day and all you will remember is you married the man of your dreams 🙂
Post # 5
Thank you ladies! I am so excited to maary my FiancÃ©! He is the silver lining in all of this mess! I just wish his family was a little more involved and less flakey :(. They are very nice people……minus the Grandpas wife lol
Post # 6
I’m scared for my bridal shower tomorrow. I already know that my mother is going to talk smack about everything my Maid/Matron of Honor planned!
Post # 7
You’re not crazy and it’s not bridezilla-ish of you. Unfortunately a lot of ppl don’t realize how *unhelpful* they really are. I never got a bridal shower, not sure if I’m getting a bachellorette party, my mom isnt helping, my Maid/Matron of Honor is MIA, and my Fiance suddenly has developed the worst case of ADD I have ever witnessed! Lol… Oh and did I mention I don’t have a wedding planner, my family is delusional about the budget *still*, and I’m also planning a honeymoon… Just try to realize that it is OK to just do what you want, and not what you feel you have to do. If you want a shower then try to delegate as much as possible, and if that’s not working out then make it a smaller event. It’s not worth stressing yourself out over. If a few light but honest conversations don’t work, then, my advise, just drop the expectations and move on. That’s what I had to learn to do the hard way. To be honest, it feels kind of good to not expect things from anyone, that way when they are actually a little considerate it is a pleasant surprise, instead of a let down because they didn’t do as much as you thought they would… *Chin up* *HUGS*
Post # 8
@happilyeverafter32412: Oh sweetie I feel for you. I agree with all PP, just try to do what you can and maybe your BM’s can pitch in, it you have some. As far as the bachelorette party goes maybe a nice eveing at home or a hotel) with pizza, wine, cake and friends would be nice, budget friendly, and low key or a nice day at the spa to relax with your loved ones.
My Fiance is upset that I have to make my own bridal shower cake (I am a pastry chef, so I don’t mind doing it) on top of flying from OR to AZ to attend my shower. All of my family and friends are there so it made the most sense. Anyways, I too will be chipping in to pay for my shower since my Maid/Matron of Honor is a mom of three and only her husband works. Good thing I have 4 sisters and my mom to also help out. We too are paying for our wedidng on our own.
Good luck and if you need anything feel free to message me.
Post # 9
That really stinks about the whole shower thing. It is customary for someone else to through you a shower though. It is also a bummer about the b-party. Honestly though if she was so flakey with coming to visit did you really think she was gonna come through with any pre-wedding parties or anything that involved planing?
Post # 10
I agree with Hilray, the bride should definitely not take over throwing the shower. It is a gift-giving party in your honor, and it can be seen as very gift grabby to have any sort of input for the shower, apart from guest list and possibly themes or food.
Post # 11
I would skip the shower. Sounds kind of weird having the bride host it for herself. Just skip it and focus on your wedding, and try to enjoy that side of things.
Post # 12
I say skip it too! Or have a small couple shower/ party or take a weekend away to relax withdone girlfriends!!!!