- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
First time poster here. A little backstory, my brother and I are very close. He’s 5 years older and currently lives in S. Korea teaching English. I am an organ donor to him, and I love him so much.
I proposed to my fiance back in December, and we originally thought that we would marry in 2014. We looked for places the first week of January, and happened to find a beautiful place in the Adirondacks. The place was great, and we thought 2014. Unfortunately, the place wanted to charge more than my FI and I can pay, so we figured we would have to look elsewhere. On a whim, we decided to ask about 2013, to which, they had a date available in July. I asked my brother if he could come, and he said he wasn’t sure, as the Hagwon (school) he works for may not let him off. He said he would ask, and my fiance and I waited a few days. We had to commit to this place relatively quick, and I asked my brother that he try and ask soon. Well, 5 days pass, and I contact him, and he says that he cannot afford to come home in 2013. I’m very upset, because he says that he didn’t ask, but he’s sure he can’t come home anyways. Fast foward, and I ask him if he can come in 2014. He says that he isn’t sure. I ask him for his blessing to move forward in 2013, and he says that I have his blessing. No more than a few days later, after speaking with him on the phone, he says that he is hurt that my FI and I did not consider him for the wedding. My parents then got involved and said my FI and I are being very selfish, and that our wedding day is about family. They said that I am ruining the family dynamic, and my brother has said that he will never speak with me again. My mom just keeps saying that she told me he wasn’t going to be able to come, and that I’m very selfish for this decision. Also says that I am 100% wrong.
I tried to talk with him, but he’s convinced that because I am doing this, he was never a thought.
I know I could have approached this differently, but it’s so hurtful that my parents, mother specifically, berate me, and say they failed as parents because I’m going forward with our wedding.
It’s a real shame because my family mean a lot to me, and regardless of this, I just want them to be happy for my FI and I. She’s a wonderful girl, and I’m so lucky to have her in my life.
Any perspective is appreciated.