Post # 1
Hi Bees —
First, I just want to say that I by no means want to offend anyone! I know religion can be a hot topic.
So I was raised Catholic. did all the baptism etc. we went to church once in awhile, but not every week. hardly ever actually.
through out the years some things have happened and I struggle with God and what I believe or not believe. my own issues.
Anyways — getting married in catholic church, or any religious establishment, does not appeal to me at all. again because of my own issues.
FI too grew up catholic. his mom actually works for a church and is some what religious. FI tries and goes to church whenever he can.
it was important to him to be married by a priest, but he understood my issues and agreed to not get married in a church. I thank him for that because that is something HUGE. his mom is not to happy but its what we agreed to as a couple and to me thats all that matters.
His mom said we will need to get married by a certain type of person and then can have the marriage ” BLESSED” by the catholic church. is that true? if so, who is supposed to marry us?
Thank you for any help you can give.
Post # 3
I was raised catholic as well (in fact, same way you were). Baptism, communion, confirmation … but went to church when we could. Was never mandatory (unless Sunday school made it).
I’m not sure there is a “special person” that marries you and then brings it to the church (unless its the priest or one of the minions). Is minions a bad word? Not trying to hold it to be, fyi. 🙂
Anyhoo, my grandfather is marrying us on the beach and its a civil ceremony (again, for the same reasons you didn’t want to be married by a priest). Plus, I think its cool that my grandfather is doing it. (he’s a judge). But, FI grandmother (who is very religious) is not at all happy.
This, I do know. You can take that marriage certificate and have it blessed at a Cathlic Church before the officiant sends it off. If I remember correctly, in order to be “blessed” by the catholic church (as a couple, not just the certificate) … you don’t have to necessarily be married in one, but you do need to speak to the priest and he does a special prayer (for you and your husband – kneeling, of course) in front of mass so the prayer and blessing is done within the house of God.
Best of both worlds? Have a minister (of a nondenominational church) marry you … that way you weren’t married by someone of another religion AND it will still be a religious ceremony. Hope it helps!
Post # 4
You can’t just have a marriage “blessed”. If you aren’t married in a Catholic Church, what you need to request is called a “convalidation” which can be done by a priest or a deacon. A convalidation isn’t a blessing – it’s an entirely new wedding ceremony, including readings, vows, blessings, etc. Now, you don’t have to have 300 guests and a flower girl at the convalidation – but you do need two witnesses and do need to exchange vows and rings again. Also, you’ll have to go through Catholic pre-cana (premarital counseling) just the same as if you were getting married for the first time (because the Church views your previous marriage as invalid and the convalidation as your actual first wedding). You can’t get a convalidation in a day – the counseling and paperwork take months.
The first non-Catholic wedding can be performed by anyone, as long as the wedding isn’t a mockery of the Catholic faith (satanic ritual, “woman priest”, excommunicated person, etc).
And just to make sure you’re clear, if you’re married outside of a Catholic Church and have not had a convalidation, you’re considered to be in an “irregular state” and cannot receive communion in a Catholic Church (similarly, by Catholic doctrine your soul has lost salvation). If don’t believe in Catholic doctrine anymore, the Catholic teachings of your situation probably don’t matter that much, but I wanted to make that point so that those who do believe understand the importance of a valid sacrament.