Post # 1
I picked four very very close friends to be in my bridal party. I am close to a few of my cousins too, including “C”, but she lives a few states away and tends to be “high maintenance”. We brought C and her sister to my in-laws over the holiday weekend and she said multiple times in front of my FMIL and fiance’s brother and sister that she is “sad that she will never get to be in any family members’ weddings” (she is set to be in a friend’s wedding in the spring—of which she also complained for 30 minutes about the color that her friend chose). This is exactly the type of behavior that factored into my decision in NOT choosing her. I was mortified when she wouldn’t let it go with my future family there. I just kind of shrugged it off in the moment but now I am pissed. Clearly we need to have a private chat about this. However, part of me DOES feel bad that I did not choose her because we are family and I chose 4 friends to be in my party.
Any advice on what I should tell her? Or other ways I could include her in the wedding? I love my cousin and am sad her feelings are hurt but by not choosing her I am avoiding this kind of drama on my big day. Or am I just being selfish?
Post # 3
@marinaAngelina: She is sad about never being in a wedding and followed that up with complaining about being in a wedding.
How sure are you that it’s her feelings that are hurt and not her pride?
I have 12 cousins and I have 3 close friends as my bridal party. I didn’t pick people because of who their parents are and what common blood we share. I pick them because they were incredibly close to me.
This kind of behaviour sounds incredibly annoying and like it would only get worse the closer it got to your date.
Stand by your decision.
Post # 4
@Chrysoberyl: +1 to everything written. It sounds so ridiculous to me when people complain about not being in a wedding of people they arent close to, family or not. If you dont want her in your wedding party then you dont, end of discussion. I dont think its anything that needs to be explained to her personally in any way, shape or form. Its your wedding and you are free to do as you please.
Next time she tries to loud you out in front of people whining and complaining, whether its about not being in your wedding or complaining about the wedding she WILL be in, tell her “THIS is exactly why you’re not in my wedding”. Done and done. Dont engage or indulge the drama.
Post # 5
YES! Do exactly what CocoClassic said, tell her “THIS is exactly why you’re not in my wedding”. Done and done.”
End it with “marinaAngelina OUT” and walk away. 🙂 Seacrest style!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@marinaAngelina: She sounds like she would be unhappy about anything. So silly. Just tell her in private that you are sorry she is hurt but it is your decision and that’s that.
Post # 7
@marinaAngelina: I think you made the right choice not including her in the bridal party. Could you include her in some other way? Maybe have her do a reading during your ceremony? Also – maybe ask her if she’d like to come and get her hair/makeup done the morning of the wedding with you and your bridesmaids (maybe ask her sister as well so it’s not just her + bridesmaids which might be awkward). Or get manicures before the wedding, etc.
Post # 8
@marinaAngelina: Her poor behavior reflects on her, not you. If she is hurt or disappointed, she should have either kept it to herself of spoken to you in private.
Have you just considered ignoring this? I’m not sure a conversation is going to have the result you want. Asking her to have some other role in the wedding is likely to be perceived as the consolation prize it kind of is and may only result in more complaints and drama about not being a bridesmaid.
Unless she has been your best friend, unless you told her previously she would be a bridesmaid at your wedding, I’m not sure she had any reasonable expectation to be asked. You don’t owe her an apology. Trying to explain why you didn’t pick rhr is likely not going to be received well.
Post # 9
Thanks all. There had been no previous conversations regarding her being a part of the wedding party, before or after we got engaged. Given her diva-ish style, I am not sure I would have her particpiate in the madness of the morning and getting ready. I would consider asking her to do a reading as she is a well-spoken and smart girl, but I m afraid it really would be a consolation prize. I just feel liek this is lose-lose for me, which is not fair considering I try very hard to be diplomatic throughout this whoel wedding process! But I just cant make everyone happy.
Post # 10
This is exactly the type of behavior that factored into my decision in NOT choosing her. I was mortified when she wouldn’t let it go with my future family there.
Honestly? There was no need for you to be mortified. This is not drama unless you choose to allow it to be.
You need to change the “HELP!!” in capital letters to “Oh, well.”
Your cousin behaved badly by putting you on the spot, and in the process she just validated your decision and proved that you made the right call.
I wouldn’t address it or acknowledge her bad behavior in any way. It’s her problem, not yours. Let her float along in her little sea of misery, and go on your merry way.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Post # 11
@BelliniChic: thanks, I did not acknowledge my embrassment in front of anyone, and I think I will continue to ignore it and focus on other things. I jsut wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing…and Thank you! Petty things aside, we are SO (yes, capital letters) excited for our wedding day!