(Closed) Help!!! Cousins vs. Other kids Invited to Weddng

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should family cousins be an exception to the "no kids" rule?
    Yes : (20 votes)
    61 %
    No : (13 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Can you sneak the ones that are under 18 into the wedding party? That would make it easier to justify :).

    Post # 5
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Did you actually establish “no kids” or did you just put the # of seats reserved? Maybe you can pass it off as you being closer to the cousins. You could also say that most kids weren’t included because there wasn’t room in your venue, but you had to include the cousins since they’re close family.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    The best practice is to have an across the board rule i.e: no one under age 15 allowed. That prevents people from looking at someone and saying “they got to bring their kids, why didn’t I?” which is what I think your Mom is worried about.

    Post # 8
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think you should invite the cousins. I have a no kids rule at my wedding, but I still wanted my 2 cousins who are 14 to be there since we are close.

    Post # 9
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think you can make a reasonable argument for family being invited!  Especially since 12 isn’t exactly a tiny child, I’m not sure why your mom would be so dead set against it.  I think since it’s you guys’ wedding, you should just put your foot down on this one.  A few teens here and there aren’t going to ruin the party!

    Post # 11
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We did ages 16 and up. Obviously, someone who is 26 isn’t a kid, so they should definitely be invited.

    Post # 12
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t see why you’d have a problem inviting your FI’s cousins!  Family friends shouldn’t be upset.  You are obviously way closer to your FI’s cousins than the kids of some family friends.

    The only thing I’d add is don’t ever tell any of these people that the wedding is “adults only” or “no kids”.  When you say to the family friends it is adults only and then they arrive and there are children, they very well might be ticked.  Just inform them (if the ask if they can bring their kids) that due to space constraints you aren’t able to include their children but you hope that they (the adults) will still be able to attend.

    Post # 13
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    You could do like 15 and up is alright and hope the 12 year olds look older, or put them in the wedding party.  They can be ushers, or give out programs, or junior bridesmaids

    Post # 14
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I’m in a similar situation, only it’s reversed.  My family is much younger than his, and we’re all pretty close so my younger cousins are definitely on the invite list.  The problem comes when he reveals that his family thinks his cousins’ kids should be invited….yikes! – I’ve maybe met his cousins once, let alone their kids!  The guest list is by FAR the biggest headache in wedding planning, IMO.  Good luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    1166 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    When it comes to kids, I don’t agree that it’s all or nothing. Why can’t the bride and groom make individual decisions regarding children, just as they do with adults? You get to decide which coworkers, which neighbors and which family members to include. Nobody says it’s “all or nothing” in those cases. You should also get to decide which children you want to invite based on how close you are! And the most logical way to do that is by drawing the line at family.

    We are including our seven nieces and nephews, but no other children. We have made this clear to our invited guests on our website. No one has pushed the issue directly with me, but if the do, I will simply say, “I’m so sorry, we simply can’t accommodate everyone’s children, it was a tough decision, but I hope you understand.” Period. If they choose to think bad thoughts or talk behind my back about it, I could not care less.

    Bottom line: Do what you want, it’s your wedding. Just be prepared for the possible consequences, and have a script ready for those who choose to confront you on the matter. (And the same for any passive-aggressive guests who decide to write in their children on the RSVPs!)

    Good luck!

     

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We’re not having any other kids aside from my own 3 and my neice who is the flowergirl. It won’t be written on the invites that no kids are allowed but it will be explicitly stated to FI friends to leave the kids at home. If they don’t like it then they can stay at home too. Period.

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