HELP! Did he ask your Dad before popping the question?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think you’re wrong. I also have dad issues.. My FI did not ask him for his blessing.

My FI did ‘ask’ my stepdad for permission. He took him and my mom out for lunch and told them he was planning to propose to me and wanted them to be the first to know. I respected this because my parents are a huge part of my life and I am still very close to both of them. Also, my FI didn’t ask for their permission, he told them of his intentions.

If you do not have a relationship with your father that you would consider supportive or loving, I see no reason why he would need to be aware of your SOs intentions to propose, let alone be asked for permission. He can be as pissed as he wants to be, that’s his stuff…. If you feel such a strain on your relationship, you don’t owe him anything.

 

Post # 3
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Thislittlepiggy:  Who will walk you down the aisle? If your father is going to then I would suggest he ask him. I don’t have a relationship with my father either. My step father is the one who raised me since I was 2 and I consider him my father so when it came down to that time my FI asked him.

I would have him ask permission to whom ever you feel closest to and who plans on ‘giving you away’ at your wedding, just out of respect.

Post # 4
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My husband never asked after he proposed he said he was going to ask my dad but only had a few house before he was going to ask me and when he had spoke to my dad he was telling him how busy his day was; so he never did. My parents have been married for 35 years though and im daddy’s little girl so my situation is a little different. I was/am kind of bummed that he never asked. But whats a girl to do?

i agree with PP as to having him ask whoever your closer to. its not always just because he’s your biological dad that you dont think of any other person as “your dad”.

Post # 5
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - The Centurian Palace

 

Thislittlepiggy:  Don’t be sorry for venting. If I were you and your SO, I would go ahead and have him ask your father for your hand. Just because of what happened with your sister , I would want to avoid any further crap. BUT, I also agree with the PPs about asking your mother if you two decide not to go to your father.

As far as for not having him walk you down the aisle, I’m so sorry that you’re going to have to make that decision. But, it’s totally understandable. Like you said you’re “not trying to punish him”… but this is one of the most important days in your life, if the picture of your wedding day in your mind does not involve him giving you away SO BE IT. Do what’s going to make you happy. I hope and pray that everything works out with little to no drama for y’all. (Sadly you just can’t escape the drama with some folks) 

 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Musicalme223.
Post # 6
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My parents are divorced and so my FI asked my dad, my mom, and my sister because he is perfect lol. It was more just a respect, cute thing. We were getting married no matter what they said (but it was a non issue as they love him and knew we were already planning marrige). 

Post # 7
Member
3346 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t think you’re wrong, and I honestly kid of hate this “tradition”.

I have a great relationship with my dad (and mom, for that matter). My SO didn’t ask my dad for permission to marry me- he didn’t need to. I’m an adult and not a piece of property. If it makes you uncomfortable, skip it- if he gets upset, that’s his issue.

Post # 8
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Thislittlepiggy: My husband spoke to my parents together by telephone prior to proposing to me. It was very important to him that he get their approval first and he even said that if they had had any concerns he would not have proposed to me at that time. It meant the world to my parents that he did speak with them first. They’ll never forget it. 

Post # 9
Member
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Getting permission is not needed at all. My fiance didn’t ask anyone and I didn’t expect or want him to. I think it’s a silly old tradition. As for walking you down the aisle you can have whoever you want, or nobody.

Post # 10
Member
4758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I wouldn’t ask his permission. I was EXTREMELY close to my grandfather since my parents died and my FI did not ask him. He said he was going to but he was too nervous. Unfortunantly my grandfather passed away the day after we got engaged and I never got a chance to tell him, so my FI was upset that he didn’t get to ask him. I had also asked him months ago what ne thought about getting married and he gave me his blessing. But our situation is very different and our relationship was not strained. If it was, I wouldn’t give it a second thought about him asking. If he wants to ask anyone it should be your mom, or whoever you are closest with.

Post # 12
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee

Thislittlepiggy:  my FI told my parents (separately as they are divorced) that he was going to propose and asked if they had any concerns or objections but he did NOT ask permission because he knew I would be pissed with him. I am also glad that he spoke to both my parents as I would also have been very cross if he’d only spoken to my dad, my mum is equally my parent. 

I don’t agree with the idea of asking permission and especially in cases like yours where your dad has been less involved.  I also think it’s fair enough and yiur choice if you don’t want him to walk you down the aisle,  it doesn’t sound like he’s earnt the privileged of having such an important role in your wedding BUT make sure you are completely ok with the consequences of not having him walk yiu before you tell him he isn’t

Post # 13
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Thislittlepiggy:  First of all the “asking permission” thing is antiquated 🙂 While some like the tradition, we are grown women (people) and frankly he shouldn’t be asking permission from anyone but you.

That said, it was important for my FI to ask my dad (who I am close with) for his blessing which we both knew my father would give willingly. Permission? Not needed 🙂

Don’t do anything for the sake of your father’s feelings. Do something because it is important to you. Perhaps he should ask your mom for her blessing?

Post # 14
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My dad and I have absolutly no big problems (a lot of small ones that come from my dad being one of the few people who can press all of my buttons at once, but that is a side issue) and my DH still didn’t ask.  When we got engaged I was 26 and had not lived with my parents since I was 19.  No blow out from my parents. 

With your dad, I would be afraid that he would try to hold your engagment hostiage, as in your SO asks, and your dad requests something ridciulous prior to giving permision.  I’m not sure, but if a parent who is not close would blow up at your sister, I would think he is emotionaly manipulative. 

Post # 15
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Thislittlepiggy:  if you aren’t close to your dad, then no i wouldn’t see the need for your future FI to ask his blessing or permission. if he’s pissed, so be it. it’s not like you guys are bffs and then boom, he gets left out. i would have him tell your mom, and he can even tell your dad, but i don’t think he needs to ask permission at this point.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors