HELP!!!! Don't know what to do…month before wedding!!!!

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

knmw1106:  This is something you and your FI need to agree on. What did he expect when he sent her that critical text?


Post # 3
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

knmw1106:  There’s no easy answer. Your fiance handled this horribly. While his emotions are perfectly valid and she does sound like a shoddy mother, 1) a text was no way to broach the topic and 2) your soon to be niece is her daughter and she gets to make the call that she’s not in the wedding. Perhaps push your fiance to have a talk with his sister? Have there been previous unsuccessful ones or was this just a culmination? Because blaming her rather than trying to help is not going to improve the situation. Put it on him and then maybe take it from there?

Post # 4
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your FI’s niece’s well being is far more important than her being in your wedding. I’m not sure if your FI did the right thing sending that text, but on the other hand, if she’s being a really bad mother then someone needs to tell her.

My advice (to you and your FI) is work on helping your sister get into a better situation (for the sake of her children), but forget about his niece being in the wedding – that shouldn’t be a priority at all.

Post # 5
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Whoah, whoah, whoah. You suspect that she’s hitting her daughter? Forget the wedding, call child services and make sure that little girl is safe! 🙁

Post # 9
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have to agree with PPs about your FI sending a critical text being the wrong way to handle things; however, seeing as how volatile your FSIL is, maybe it’s best she’s not at the wedding anyway. Who knows what kind of bizarre drama she could potentiall stir up being present, seeing as she is clearly an unstable person. You don’t need people like that in your midst on your wedding day, whether they are family or not.

I do feel for you, but at this point it just seems like your hands are tied. It just seems like there’s really not much you can do on all fronts. I guess maybe just try to find a replacement, or move forward with the wedding with one less flower girl. But I do hope for the little girl’s sake that things get better for her.

Post # 10
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

It’s entirely possible that this woman will calm down before the wedding. Maybe you can reach out to her personally and let her know that you still want her to come.  I imagine that she knows, deep down, that her brother is right, and that’s part of the reason she got so defensive. But if she sees that you all still love her and want to help her– and are not just judging– then maybe it will help her come around.

Fingers crossed! She sounds like she really needs help.

Post # 11
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

knmw1106:  Your FI was out of line to send his sister that text. He told her she was a shitty, abusive parent but yet still wants her to hand her daughter over on a silver platter for your wedding? Come on. If someone talked to me that way I wouldn’t want myself or my child around them either.

She’s exercising a parental right. As important as your wedding is to you, an invite is not a summons and she isn’t ruining the ceremony (or her kid’s life) by pulling her out and not attending.

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