Post # 1
My sweetie and I had talked a lot about rings before we got engaged; I’m an anique engagement ring dealer myself, so he’s seen all my favorites and knows everything about my preferences, including having handled all the ones I actually shed little tears over when I sold them. We know what I like, and he likes the same ones–we like small diamonds, pretty gold elaborate bands, and elegant craftsmanship. We both have the same negative reaction to very big flashy rocks, and he knows that most of my own store’s inventory is full of unconventional stones, like turquoise, opals, etc. I like understated and old.
But as luck would have it, when he decided he just couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to make me the luckiest and happiest of ladies, the family ring available to him was a colossal, nearly 2-carat rock with a massive chip out of it and eye-visible black inclusions… the setting was so ugly he had it taken out and presented it to me in a homespun wire setting, which I loved. We’ll have to pay to make a setting for it, as it’s too big to be put into an older one, and the chip makes its durability questionable and gives it a noticeably oblong shape.
I’d be glad to take a ring out of my inventory, or to buy one with him or for myself with his help choosing; I know he doesn’t have much money right now. What breaks my heart is that I think he must also know this isn’t what I want, and I can’t imagine how to set it such that I’ll be happy with it, but I don’t want to disappoint him or reveal how much happier I’d be with a $90 turquoise ring. This is a family stone (though it was given to his grandmother by a friend, and wasn’t her engagement ring), and it must have meant a lot to him to give me a diamond or he would have presented me with a copper or a plastic ring–I’d have married him with a piece of twine, so he certainly didn’t need to get me a big rock.
Should we find a way to love this stone, or is it ok to suggest that we set it as a necklace, where the rock would be safer, and pick a simple antique ring for my engagement ring? I do not want to hurt his feelings, and if this stone is important to him, I don’t want to let him down by being a shy litlte snob who isn’t sure if she can wear a 2 carat ring!
Post # 3
@notgreatatnames: Is there a way to cut the 2-carat ring down a little bit to get the crack out of it? I am not sure that is possible and placing the diamond in a different setting? Either that or you could go with an unconventional ring like sapphire? There is also moissanites a cheaper but great diamond alternative. =) Best of luck.
Post # 4
I would pick out the exact setting you want, and then show him saying I love love love this setting and want to wear it every day, can we make the family stone a necklace and pick a gemstone or smaller diamond for the center stone? I think men are simple. If you bring him the exact solution, he’ll go with it since he doesn’t have a better idea and wants you to be happy. But don’t bring it up until you have a proposed solution. Unlesss he brings it up first by noticing your lack of enthusiasm.
Post # 5
Christ….what is the point of having a 2 carat stone if it’s actually a mini coal mine that you can wear on your finger?
I swear, my grandfather did this to my grandmother, bought her a two carat round brilliant with an inclusion so big you could spot it at fifty yards….she said nothing and wore it, after her passing, he asked me if I wanted it, I asked him why…you didn’t care enough to get a nice one for her when she was alive, why would I want it now that she’s gone? Put it in a tie tack and have fun explaining to people that’s not pepper on your tie..it’s an inclusion in the shitty diamond I bought my wife because I’m an asshole.
ANYWAY…I would take it to a jeweler and have them give me the news, good or bad about the structural integrity…we don’t want a fracture. If the thing is still pretty sturdy, I would look into having it re-cut to eliminate as much of the garbage and the chip as possible, and look at settings you like, where a little creative prong placement and lustrous side stones can forgive a multitude of stone sins….I’m sure with a little elbow grease and some time on the block, the stone can be salvaged into something you love, that also carries with it a lovely history….
Post # 6
I would tell him I don’t want a chipped, included diamond and pick an antique ring I like. The poor dear…men are so clueless. You just have to be nice and present the solution yourself.
Post # 7
@Nona99: Well, DAMN! lmao!
Post # 8
I’d start by taking it to a jeweller with a lapidary on-site, and have them quote you on re-cutting to exclude the chip, and minimize the inlcusion (for example… can they set it so that a prong would be hiding it?). If it’s affordable, and you’ll end up with a result you like, then go for it.
If not, I’d just tell my FI that as much as I love the sentimentality, the stone will just be too challenging to have set beautifully, explain that my tastes are not extravagent, and suggest shopping together for something in-line with your desires, and his budget.
Post # 9
@Nona99: I know people say lol just for but I actually did laugh out loud reading your post. My little boy is looking at me like I’m crazy.
Post # 10
I would look into having the diamond recut. I don’t know how bad your diamond looks inclusion-wise or much of anything about recutting stones in general, but maybe a lot of the noticable inclusions (and damaged areas) could be cut out? You’d also lose some weight and size on the stone in the process. It’s worth looking into, IMO.
If having the stone recut wouldn’t help your situation much, then I would suggest your idea of setting it into a pendant and choosing another ering.
Post # 11
I am firmly in the camp that says it’s possible to be honest and tactful and kind at the same time. If his ego isn’t strong enough to withstand a complaint about a chipped and included diamond (good grief), then there are bigger issues to deal with.
Post # 12
Does anyone think it’s problematic that it’s a family diamond? If I ask for it to be altered or worn as a necklace, do you think that’s spurning his family’s so-generous offer of such a big stone? I feel terribly ungrateful implying that I’d rather have a semi-precious stone from a thrift shop than such a significant family heirloom, especially since if you know very little about diamonds, a huge rock probably seems like something very desirable.
Also, he says the stone is like him–huge (he’s 6 and a half feet tall) and not quite perfect. I think he sees this goofy rock as the diamond incarnation of himself: weird, not what you’d see in a magazine, and unapologetic. I do love him, and if this is what he wants me to have for symbolic reasons, then I’m afraid I can’t refuse it for aesthetic reasons, and I certainly don’t want to come off as a snob to the family.
Post # 13
@notgreatatnames: Thats a cute analogy your SO has but ultimately its you who has to wear it everyday. I would love to see a pic of it to help better visualise what it could look like in a setting.
Post # 14
@notgreatatnames: You know, I think your sensitivity to the heriloom issue is so apparent in your post, that none of the Bees are even worried about your tact or care in that particular arena….it is obvious that you are so flattered and happy to have that gesture made, I think it just about covers it.
But we aren’t dealing with a difference of opinion when it comes to style or setting preference, the fact is that the stone may be genuinley flawed, and it just makes sense to take this precious, albeit awkward diamond to its fullest potential, while ensuring it’s longevity for generations to come.
If someone gave you a car with a dented fender, you’d replace it right? Sentimentality aside, it’s the same basic concept.
And as far as the metaphorical connection between your very sweet FI and this ugly duckling of a diamond, all the more reason to be upfront and make this generous gift something you can love for years, regardless of it’s application, after all, what man isn’t the better for our affection and care? I can tell you that Mr. 99 while fundamentally the same, has changed many things from our journey together, it’s not about making it better, it’s about making it work.
Post # 15
Could you bezel it for it’s safety? That’s if you do keep it.