Post # 1
My fiance and I both live in KY and our families live in Florida. We are going to visit Florida in two weeks. Well, I sent out electronic invitations to an “engagment dinner party” in a town that is half way between his family and my family (30 minute drive for both).
I understand that the engagment “party” is supposed to be thrown for you or whoever hosts it is supposed to pay.
My fiance asked me “who’s paying?” and honestly I was thinking everyone would pay for themselves. IS this wrong? Are we supposed to pay since we invited everyone?
His brother, wife, and kids
My parents (divorced)
My sister (college student) (My dad would pay for her)
Post # 3
Um, well you sent out an invitation for your own engagement party, technically that means there is a “host”. However, since it’s such close immediate family, just tell them everyone’s on their own? It’s not as awkward with immedaite family.
I don’t know how to tactfully say this, but why are you throwing yourself an engagement dinner party? Versus, say, a “family get together”?
Dinner party, to me, means there is a) a paying host and b) presents. If i got the invitation, I would assume you guys are paying and I’d go buy you a gift
Post # 4
Well we are living out of town so it would be very difficult for anyone to organize a dinner. Really my intent was to have our families meet for the first time. Not for us to have an engagement “party”… when I think party I think go out with friends and drink. This is just immediate family and the only reason I invited his brother and family is because my sister was coming. We are only in town for 4 days and have our tasting, engagement photos, cake tasting, work, etc. in between. This will be our only free night, I thought I would be cute and send them e-invites but now I guess we are going to be stuck with the bill. Great! I’m an idiot!
Post # 5
i would probably assume you’re paying. but i also think it depends on your family. i know both my dad and my fi’s dad would never let us pay a dinner bill.
Post # 6
Neither would my dad but I don’t want him stuck paying their bill… lol, I asked my Fiance to give him a call to explain I didn’t mean it was a “party” just having dinner and didn’t want to exclude them.
Post # 7
I think a quick comment to the family members coming that it’s buy your own I think they’ll understand no worries!
Funny you mention this tho, i put together a friend’s baby shower, but it’s definitely buy-your-own-brunch and I had a cute online invitation that I attached a jpeg of and it was REALLY weird trying to make it so everyone knew that while I was technically “throwing” A a baby shower, I wasn’t paying for everybody’s lunch!
I ended up making a comment about the place being inexpensive and having somethign for everyone, haha.
Post # 8
I do not think you can ask people to pay thier own way.
If you are throwing the party, then you are hosting and you are paying for it. If you would like to not pay, I would suggest talking to both the parents. Typical the parents will throw this type of party. Ask them if they would like to host it. but it’s a little awkward as you have already planned it and didn’t ask them to do it 1st. I would suggest saying that you ddidn’t really know how things worked…that you didn’t know if you were supposed to throw the party yourself. Tell them that the more you have looked into it you see that perents normally host. Ask thme if they would like to host. If not, then youare hosting and paying for it.
My parents didn’t host. It was a cousin-in-law who threw a small 10person dinner party at her house
Don’t assume that your paretns will “not let you pay”. My family has no problem sticking me with the bill. So don’t throw something you can’t afford in hopes that someone else will pick up the bill. What a terrible way to riun your fun night.
But no…please don’t ask people to all pitch in to pay for the party. I am pretty sure that etiquette would say that’s a big no-no
Post # 9
I didn’t vote, but I think that you should mention to your family that it is more of a get together and for each to pay their part. That you aren’t hosting anything. I think that would be ok.
Post # 10
Since it’s immediate family- I guess let them all know it’s not a party but a get-together … like someone else said.
Post # 11
It’s not a party.. It’s a dinner. I shouldn’t have used the word Party, I realize this now. I am going to make sure my Fiance makes this clear to his side of the family and tells them not to bring gifts. Thanks for all the advice ladies. You are all so wonderful!
Post # 12
I kinda think since its a small dinner and close family that everyone would assume they would pay for their own meal. Maybe kinda just quietly/non-assumingly spread the word. Like drop hints “oh I hope everyone is ok with the choice of place they have lots of options/price ranges so it shouldnt be too expensive for anyone” does that make sense?
Post # 13
If I received an invitation to an engagement party, I would assume the host is paying. We are having one, and we are hosting, our guests are not expected to pay.